“What’s wrong with her today?” Sue’s voice drifts toward me. “I figure Mr. Hunter has had a few words with her about taking our keys. I mean, who does she think she is? She arrives here and then tries to change everything. I knew he wouldn’t agree to it.”
“I wonder how long this one will last.” Amy stifles a chuckle.
“If she keeps going up to the third floor, anything might happen.” Sue lowers her voice and I can almost see her leaning closer to Amy. “Strange things happen up there and I heard that more than two of the women that lived here in the past had been dragged away screaming after wandering around up there. A hundred years ago if a person ended up in a sanatorium, they never left.”
“What did you hear about the third floor?” Amy’s voice rises. “Do people say it’s haunted? I’ve always figured it was just rats that lived up there.”
“Nah, they don’t say it’s haunted.” Pierre chuckles. “Think about it. The rooms are so tiny and claustrophobic and you can hear conversations, like whispering through the heating ducts. Those women figured they’d gone mad.”
So, they hoped I’d go mad and be locked away in a psychiatric ward? How nice. I climb the stairs and this time I stare into the eyes of Laura. Secrets and lies surround her and I have no solution to the mystery of her death. Strangely, I feel sorry for her, even though the woman is a thorn in my side and dominates my marriage. For my own peace of mind, I need to get to the end of her story. Inside my bedroom I set my coffee on the desk in front of the window and stare at the rose bushes swaying in the breeze. Diving back into Laura’s diary is placing my own peace of mind at risk. I believe reading the thoughts of someone who is obviously mentally disturbed is upsetting me more than I realize.
Reluctantly I take the laptop out of the drawer, place it on the table and plug it into the power. It’s as if something is compelling me to do it rather than my own free will. I can’t fight against it. I need to know what happened. Trepidation creeps over me as I open the files and scan the last few entries before Laura’s death. Two people mentioned she may have takenher own life and now Sue is implying the same thing. Not many people got close to her but Jack and Tom had intimate relationships with her so may have seen something in her behavior I’ve missed.
August 26
I took photos of Ava today and transferred them to my laptop. When I took the photographs, Ava refused to smile at me; she pulled a sad face and tugged at her hair. She always liked me to brush her hair in front of the mirror and now all she does is call for Jenny. It’s as if I’m not her mother and never had children. Maybe it’s a good thing because now they’ll be just the way Jack wants them to be.
I make a note of the date and go through the image files until I find the photographs mentioned. I’m shocked and check the dates and go back and forth many times but what Laura describes is chilling me to the bone because I see a toddler with long dark hair. She has inquisitive dark eyes and a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. Why did Laura see her as sad? What type of mental disorder did she have that caused her to see things differently to other people? Laura had been under supervision by a psychiatrist. If there had been any problems, wouldn’t Jack be dealing with them by now? Unless her condition had deteriorated because she wasn’t taking her medication. I imagine Jack being at his wits’ end with her. It must have been a terrible time for him. I’m disturbed and weird thoughts are flying through my mind but I must read on.
August 27
I lost time again this week. I have gaps in my memory. Earlier, I passed Ruby in the hallway and noticed she was wearing my scarf. I asked her about it because it was a silk one I’d purchased in Paris. She laughed at me and told me I’d given it to her for her birthday two days previously. I know the date of her birthday—Jack always makes sure she has a special dinner with us—and it’s not for a day or so. I checked the date on my laptop and I’ve lost two days. I have no recollection of what happened over that time. Someone is doing this to me and now I’m sure Jack is involved. I mentioned Ava’s reluctance to be with me and he wanted me to spend more time with the children—not alone—never alone. He had Jenny bring them to us and I stared at Noah. He wasn’t my son. I didn’t recognize him and yet Jack acted as if nothing was wrong. They’ve switched out my son for another baby. Where is Noah?
What?! I stand so fast the chair tips over and clatters to the floor. Shock trembles through me and I take a few steps away from the laptop as if demons are going to pour from it. Missing time was bad enough but I know enough to know not being able to recognize her own child or misreading their expression is paranoia. The entire entry is laced with confusion and the unsettling idea that someone was manipulating her reality—but who—and why? By this time Tom wasn’t living at the house, so that left Jack. If Laura’s condition wasn’t induced by drugs maybe she did take her own life. She’d been living in a confused state of hell for months.
I can’t read on and close the laptop and hide it back in the drawer. I need to get out of this horrible house. I grab one of Jack’s ball caps and head out the back door and walk to the beach.
The sound of the waves crashing on the wet sand and the sun sparkling on the ocean lift my spirits. I’ve only known Jack for a short time. It hasn’t even been six months yet but I believe deep down in my heart he’s a good man. I admit I had my suspicions but I really don’t believe that he murdered Laura. I will speak to him when he returns home about her health the few weeks before her death. One thing I can’t get my head around is the fact that she was well enough to go to a celebration on the yacht the night she died. From what the staff told me previously, and the diary entries, she sounded too far gone to be able to be taken out in public.
I walk, leaving my footprints in the pristine sand. The shore break wets the beach and, as the wave is pulled back into the ocean, it leaves a golden sparkle and the sound of rolling pebbles. I allow the sound to filter through my brain, calming me and helping me to think clearly. Laura mentioned the fear of being drugged and took every precaution. Why did she believe she was being drugged? It doesn’t make sense that the medication given to her by the psychiatrist would cause paranoia and delusions. I need to discover what medication she was taking and then search for it on the internet to find out what it’s for and how it affects people. I’m wondering now if it’s time to tell Jack about the diary. My only concern is that if Tom isn’t involved, what will happen to him when Jack discovers he had an affair with Laura?
My head fills with images of Jack and my stomach drops. Just being with him makes me believe my life has changed for the better. My time with him is wonderful. I honestly couldn’t ask for a more considerate or gentle husband. I don’t believe he intentionally deceived me about his tragic past but I didn’t expect to be thrown into a web of lies and deception. It’s over seven years since Laura died and yet it’s as if she’s still here, waiting for the truth to come out about her death. I don’t knowif she jumped or was pushed. In her state of mind, anything is possible. When I read her diary, I felt sorry for her and now, knowing her inner thoughts, I feel as if I’ve lived through the breakdown with her. I turn and stare at the house. I can make out Laura’s bedroom window—Laura’s bedroom—Laura’s home. Laura, Laura, Laura…
Will she ever be gone from the house and my life?
FORTY
I really enjoy spending time with the children. From when they come home from school until I read them a story at night is a happy, fulfilling time for me. They greet me with hugs and I know deep down in my heart that I will make them a good mother, and hope that someday I will have a child of my own. I haven’t discussed children with Jack. I’m not sure why the topic hasn’t come up but I now believe it’s because of what he went through with Laura. Things seemed to be okay with her before she had Ava and, from that point onward, she deteriorated rapidly—unless someone in this house caused her to become unstable. It’s this issue that weighs heavily on me now. Each evening, we sit with the children while they eat their dinner but we prefer to have ours after they’ve gone to bed. It’s a nice relaxing and private time for us together.
After my tour of the office, Jack enthusiastically asks me questions about my impressions. I discover he designed and built the building after his grandfather’s death. The previous building had been old and didn’t have the modern edge necessary to bolster his image in the building industry. I listen and nod in all the right places but questions about Laura’s last days are burning on my tongue. As the dessert dishes are clearedaway, and a fruit, cheese and cracker board appears on the table along with our coffee, I turn to look at him. “I know you really don’t want to discuss this but there are some things I need to know about your past.”
“It’s difficult putting Laura behind me when you’re constantly bringing her up again. No good will come of talking about her and rehashing her life. Let it drop and leave the past undisturbed.”
I need to know and push him. Seeing him tense, I know I’ve hit a nerve. “Please, Jack. You said no secrets, so let’s be honest with each other, no matter the cost.”
“You just won’t let it lie, will you? She’s dead—end of story.” Jack gives me a withering look. “Okay, if you’ve got something on your mind, we need to get it out into the open and then move on with our lives. We won’t be taking Laura with us to the new house.”
Relieved, I smile at him. “That’s good to know.” I add sugar and cream to my cup of coffee and stir slowly, gathering my thoughts. “You mentioned one time that you believe Laura took her own life just to spite you. Why would you think that?”
“When I discovered she’d left Noah in the bathtub and walked away, I gave Jenny instructions not to ever leave the children alone with her.” Jack runs his finger through a drip of coffee running down the side of his cup and then raises his gaze to me. “In truth I wanted to have her placed into psychiatric care. When I told her she wasn’t to go near the children unless someone was with her, she went ballistic. Things went downhill from there.”
I sip my coffee. “What kind of things?”
“She frequently told me how much she hated me.” He sighs and stares into space. “She became paranoid and believed everyone was out to get her. She got it into her head thatsomeone was drugging her but I gave her the medication each night.”
I lean forward on the table, cupping my chin in the palm of my hand. “Oh, I was under the impression that Sue gave her medication three times a day? What medication was she taking?”
“It was a mild antidepressant.” Jack blows out a long sigh. “I spoke to the psychiatrist about her sudden change in personality and they insisted it wasn’t the medication. They changed it just in case to something else but it made no difference. Laura was losing weight; Sue made sure she took vitamin supplements three times a day with her meals. Not drugs just vitamins.”
