THURSDAY
I’m getting along well with the children. Last night I sat and encouraged them with their homework. I made up a study hour with drinks and snacks. I’ve been telling them about my struggles at school and how I overcame my shyness. It all went well and when Noah or Ava wrote a correct answer, I cheered and clapped. It was one of the most rewarding hours I’ve spent in a long time. This morning, I brushed Ava’s hair and tied it up with a ribbon. I believe she enjoys the girl time with me. Noah is very much his dad’s boy. He likes to wearhishair in the same style as Jack. Seeing Jack with his kids is heartwarming. There’s never any rush, he spends as much time as they need, even with Ruby breathing down his neck to leave for the office. We stood side by side as Jenny left with them for school.
Last night, after the children were in bed, I spent a wonderful hour or so with Jack on the internet selecting furniture for our new bedroom. He instructed me to make a list of the items and Ruby would make the purchases through the company account—probably for a tax deduction or something. After breakfast I handed her the list along with a color printout of each item from the online catalogue. “I’m sorry to add more to your workloadbut Jack wants these items ordered through the company account. They’re for our new bedroom.”
“Oh, no trouble at all.” Ruby peruses the items and smiles at me. “Very nice. You have great taste. I’ll need to make sure they’re not delivered until you need them. The architect has already spoken to Jack. They should be starting the work soon. I’ll let you know the date when they come back to me.”
I blink. “Jack has already decided on everything?”
“Well, yes, he has.” Ruby frowns. “Hasn’t he told you?”
I recover from the shock without allowing her to notice. “I guess he wants to surprise me. I love surprises.” I head for the stairs. “Thanks, Ruby.”
I take the stairs two at a time, keeping my eyes averted from Laura’s gaze and dash to our bedroom. Inside, Jack is selecting a jacket for work and comes out of the dressing room, smelling of cologne. He looks so handsome that he takes my breath away. How could I possibly be angry with him? “Ruby tells me you’ve already decided on the renovations for the new bedroom. You’re waiting to speak to the architect before going ahead?”
“Yes, they’re the basic plans for what we decided. Two bedrooms made into one large one and a dressing room. You wanted a large window overlooking the ocean to match our sitting room.” He lifts my chin and stares into my eyes. “I only did what we discussed. I’ll bring home the plans, and any extras you need, we’ll add then. The other stuff is just basic; I didn’t want to bore you with it.” He sighs. “You’ll have time, we’ll need to submit our plans for approval as the house is listed on the National Register.” He lowers his head and kisses me. “I regretfully must go to work. I have a meeting this morning. Taking a month vacation for our honeymoon has everyone in panic mode. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
I run my hands through his hair and sigh. “I know you will. My laptop should arrive today and I’ll spend all day setting it upbut I really need my own vehicle to explore my new home. I’d like to be able to go to the stores and meet people for lunch.”
“Okay.” Jack frowns at me. “I’ll talk about suitable vehicles when we get home. In the meantime, ask Jenny if you need a ride. I’m sure she has time to take you to the store.” He kisses me again. “I’ve gotta go. See you tonight.” He dashes out of the door.
I watch him go and close the door behind him. The secrets on Laura’s laptop call to me again. I wait until I hear Ruby leave and then when Jack’s car roars away, I take out Laura’s laptop. I need to know more about her and what happened before she died. From what I gathered from our conversations, Jack noticed a decline in her sanity. He didn’t say as much but he intimated there was a problem. I’m nervous as I wait for the files to load and when I open them, I scan them slowly, making sure not to miss anything important. I need to discover more about the window she tried to find and if it was the trigger that sent her off the rails. Was it significant enough to mention it in her diary? My heart pounds as I read and find nothing in the next entry. Surely, she’d have written something about the window? Moving through the files haphazardly isn’t working. I need to follow the timeline and discover exactly what happened to her in her last year. I scroll back through the pages and go back to the beginning to step into Laura’s mind.
July 15
I dreamed I was pregnant again and woke in a cold sweat. I ran to the bathroom and spewed. I can’t possibly be pregnant. I must have a bug. I hated being pregnant. I became so fat and bloated I couldn’t go anywhere for months. The birth was horrendous especially when everyone told me the second time would be wonderfully uplifting. It was, in fact, the most painful and embarrassing thing I’veever experienced. Noah is a beautiful child, and I love him in my own way but I have no motherly instinct. I didn’t want to feed him or change his diaper. Heaven forbid. I’d spew if I went near one. In any case that’s what a nanny is for, right? I’m glad Jenny took over. Now the kids are older, I can show them off to my friends but I keep Jenny close. She is much better with them than I am. After Ava was born, I spent months exercising to get back in shape and then I was pregnant again. Jack was thrilled and engaged an artist to paint my portrait; I needed to look spectacular but I was angry. I never wanted another child and Jack knew it. Most of the painting was done by photographs and then the artist came to finish it in the house and I needed to sit for hours. I overheard a visitor to the house mention that the expression in my eyes looked as if I wanted to kill someone. Maybe he was right?
This is another side to Laura I hadn’t seen coming. Leaning back in my chair, I shake my head. How did Jack cope with such a self-centered woman? He says he loved her. Perhaps he didn’t know she had no motherly instinct and that her time with the children was just a show she put on for everyone. I feel sorry for her in a way. For me, carrying my husband’s child would be a gift not a burden. Not that we’ve discussed children. Maybe it’s something I should ask him?
I read on and the next entry is two days later.
July 17
Last night, I dreamed again of being pregnant. I was so glad to wake up and find it was a nightmare. I say nightmare because that was what it was like carrying Noah. When I told Jack I was pregnant, he picked me up and swung mearound. He was so happy and I got angry and slapped his face. We argued, way into the night—well, in truth, I screamed and Jack just stared at me as if I’d lost my mind. It’s so infuriating when a man won’t fight back, so I took my car and hightailed it to Missy’s house. She had my back and told me leaving was the right thing to do. Early the next morning Jack arrived on the doorstep. Jim had called him because he’d overheard me talking about having an abortion. Jack never loses his temper, and is the calmest person I know but this time he was mad. He spoke in a quiet voice and told me if I murdered his child he would divorce me, and as we have a prenup, I’d leave with the clothes on my back. He would make sure he had custody of Ava.
I recall thinking it through on the drive home, and told him it was a one-time deal. I insisted on getting a plastic surgeon to fix my mommy tummy, so I looked good. I made it clear I didn’t want to see the baby when it was born. When I spoke to the surgeon, I asked to be sterilized. If Jack wants me, there can never be any more kids.
The day I told Jack I was pregnant was the changing point for everything that’s happened since then. Jack hasn’t touched me since that night. When we go to dinner parties he rarely sits with me and spends his time with his friends. I need companionship and will need to seek it elsewhere.
I lean back in my chair, allowing the implications of Laura’s words to sink in. The loving mother Jack told me about was a sham. Jenny’s impression of Laura was true but she didn’t know the facts. Was Laura contemplating an affair? If so, did she write about it? I skim over the pages but find nothing. Most of the entries are rambling, so I move back to August and find an entry about the window.
August 10
I saw a face at the window today. I told Jack and he laughed at me. Every time I tell him weird things are happening to me, he just shakes his head. He wants to take me back to the shrink but there’s nothing wrong with me. I know what I saw and when I went back inside, I checked on all the staff and everyone was having lunch. I must find the window and see if the dust has been disturbed but I don’t like going to the third floor alone. I recall stories as a child of strange sounds and footsteps coming from up there. Jack says it’s just the house moving and that’s what old houses do. He has no plans to open the third floor. The lights are dim and it hasn’t been opened for many years. It’s a place time left behind.
I went outside again and stared at the windows. The one where I saw a face was the sixth window on the third floor. I went back inside, found a flashlight in the kitchen and went up the stairs. It was dark and musty on the third floor. The hallways are covered in a thick coating of dust. It was cold and the floorboards creaked with each step. I counted the bedroom doors, five doors not six. I went back and counted the doors again. Five doors. I went to the fifth door, opened the room and shone my flashlight inside. It was like stepping back in time. Old moldy furniture covered in a thick layer of dust greeted me. I moved the light around and counted only one window. I closed the door and walked along the hallway, tapping the walls, and found no trace of another door. The sixth room is missing.
August 11
I asked about the missing room and Jack showed me the blueprints of the house. There was no sixth room. So how come there’s a window? We went outside and counted thewindows. Six. He told me one must have been boarded up to extend a room many years ago. Today I went back up the stairs and tried the door again and it was locked. All the doors were locked. I asked the staff who locked the doors and they all insisted no one had been up to the third floor. I spoke to Jack and he said he didn’t have keys for the doors upstairs and he had no idea they were locked. After speaking to him, I’m confused. Many things confuse me lately. I blame the drugs the shrink gave me. Since then, I’ve experienced weird things. This is one of them. Am I losing my mind? Did I see the face in the window and imagine opening the fifth door? I sat for a time, trying to recall my time here as a child. I did see secret passageways but I don’t recall a window. I need to spend some time away from his house. I wish Jack hadn’t purchased it now. It’s becoming more like a prison than a home.
Suddenly needing clarification, I slide the laptop back into its hiding place. I collect the bunch of keys Sue had cut for me and, grabbing my phone, head along the passageway and up the stairs to the next floor. There are two wings to the house, both separated by a balcony in the center. The back section behind the kitchen is the staff quarters. Where I’d seen the face was definitely on the left side of the house. I climb the stairs and hear Bill’s warning words echoing in my mind. He’s been working here for many years. What had he really heard about the previous occupants? Which one of them apparently boarded up a room or a window and didn’t mark it on the plans? Why would they do that?
Many things speed through my mind as I climb. My few excursions alone through this massive house haven’t worked out so well but I figure most of what unnerved me is in my head. I really shouldn’t watch horror movies as they’re twisting mymind. Jack and the kids have lived here for a long time and nothing weird has happened to them. I’m not unstable and I’m not crazy Laura. I’ll be fine.
At the top of the stairs is a huge oak door. It fits in well with the rest of the décor and I’d never have known this led to another hallway unless Jack had told me. I take out the bunch of keys and try any that look compatible. On the fourth try, the key turns, and with a push the door whines open. Ahead of me is a long dark hallway. The house has a different feel up here; like Laura said in her diary, it’s as if time has stopped. I use the flashlight on my phone and shine the beam into the dark abyss. The wallpaper is old, brown and peeling in places. I see portraits of people from maybe a century ago, although they’re so dust laden it’s hard to tell. I follow the beam of light and wonder what this separate floor was used for in days gone by. Why does the staircase to the loft go from the second floor and not the third? It makes no sense unless this part was servants’ quarters, but then most servants had the bottom floors, not the top.
It’s creepy in here and I take a few steps inside and stand for a moment, examining the people in the portraits. This, I imagine by the dress, was the family who occupied the home in the early 1920s. My light disturbs spiders hanging in cobwebs and they all seem to run and hide at once. It’s cold here, a bone-chilling cold that sends shivers down my spine. I’m afraid but curiosity alone makes me step forward, farther along the hallway. Here the air is old and musty, and my light picks up dust motes dancing like fireflies in the beam.
