Avery couldn’t tell if it was resolve or seduction in his voice. Her eyes fell to the bottom button of his Henley. Confident Miles and his exposed collarbone were taking her words away. It was all she could do to keep from imagining him pressing into her. Avery let out a tiny gasp. He studied her for a second, pushed away from the wall, and cleared his throat.
“We need to talk.” Miles extended a hand, nodding toward the couch.
The first drop of rain hit the roof, clearing a path for other raindrops to follow until the cloud released them all and the sun returned. Her feelings had billowed inside long enough. If there was no blue sky after she released her truth, so be it. She could weather what came next.
The time had come to unveil her hurt.
“Okay.” She took his hand. “Let’s talk.”
She hoped he couldn’t feel her shaking as he led her to the sofa. Miles sat on the coffee table and faced her, their legs so close she felt the hairs on his calves standing on end. He furrowed his brow, rested his elbows on his knees, and steepled his fingers together.
“That last day,” he said. “I didn’t give you the opportunity to talk. It may be ten years too late, but I want you to have the closure you nevergot. Say whatever you need to say to me. I promise to listen.”
Avery’s stomach tightened into a ball, but she resolved to speak through her nerves. She took a deep breath.
Start at the beginning of the end.
“That day. In the parking lot,” she began. “You were shaken up, and processing several traumas, so I understood why you pushed me away. But you made it clear multiple times that we weren’t … well … what I thought we were. I loved you. I thought you felt that too.”
Time had never dulled the pain radiating through her chest now. Miles waited while she breathed away the growing knot below her breastbone.
“You said you never loved me.” She gulped, reliving the pain of hearing him say it. “What was I supposed to do? I haven’t found the thing I want most in life, a stable relationship. And it might not be fair or true, but I blame you. I deserved better.”
He stood and crossed to the fireplace, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the mantle. She tried not to jump at the next bolt of thunder. He must have noticed the chill in the room, because he took a match off the mantle and lit the fire that had already been set up. Her first thought was someone would have to clean the fireplace tomorrow. Her second was firelight transformed the birch tree bed into a lush, romantic sanctuary.
Miles watched the flame grow.
“I treated you terribly and I am so sorry. You have no idea.” His voice came out soft and measured, as if he had carefully prepared for this moment. “I didn’t contact you because there was no erasing what I’d done, and I didn’t think I deserved forgiveness. But now? Avery. You’re back, and there’s this feeling I only get with you. I live for the little everyday moments we share. Doesn’t it feel like we’ve waited long enough?”
At the wordwaited, her teeth clenched. For months afterward, she’d cried herself to sleep and cried herself awake. She’d tried so hardnot to wait for someone who didn’t want her. Avery stood and met him at the fire.
“Waiting wasn’t an option.” She pressed a finger into his chest. “You shut me out.”
He fell quiet, but when she glared at him, he spoke.
“Honestly, Avery, what was supposed to happen to us?” His eyes pleaded with her. “Summer was over. We had no money. Nashville and New Haven were more than a day’s travel apart. After my graduation, you still had another two years of school. Paying off my insurmountable pile of student debt meant I had to take the best job I could get, even if I was miserable. I had no connections in Tennessee and no money to visit you. How were we supposed to work all of that out? I’m not saying it’s an excuse, but the odds weren’t in our favor.”
Avery bristled. If Miles had loved her, he would’ve found a way.
“I don’t know!” she cried as the rain pounded the roof. “But people figure things out. They make love work. You weren’t willing to try. You left me crumpled in a parking lot and ghosted me.”
He sighed and thumped his fist on the mantle.
“I regret everything that happened after I pulled that little boy out of the water. You were there for me, and I was so mean.” He rubbed his palm on his forehead. “You find silver linings and bright sides to everything, so I figured you’d move on. This summer, I realized the pain didn’t end for you when you left Maine. I admit I should have called, but regret and grief overwhelmed me. You gave me the one thing you can never get back and never give to anyone else. I tainted a moment you should have cherished. There was no scenario under which I deserved your love.”
He paused and rested his head in his palm. “You gave me your heart, and I didn’t, um, I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled.
Outside the window, a pine tree thrashed around in the wind. She had always been thankful he’d made her feel special and safe her first time.
“Miles, I don’t regret that night. Or us.” Avery rested her hand on top of his. “But, grieving you swallowed me whole. Everyone kept telling me to let you go, but I couldn’t. I stopped going to class. I stayed in bed and slept or cried. I hated waking up because that’s when it hurt the most. You were my first so many things, including my first heartbreak.”
“I didn’t know.” His voice shook. “I wish you had called. I would’ve—”
“I wasn’t sure how you’d react. Rational thinking is hard when you’re suffering from depression. With each passing sleepless night, it grew easier to believe the worst in you.”
Tears welled in her eyes. Maybe now he understood. Miles’s hand quivered under hers.
The rain poured down and neither one of them moved. What felt like minutes later, Avery looked up to find his beautiful brown eyes filled with sorrow, love, and pain. They’d each carried their own grief for what they’d lost. The last thing she ever wanted for Miles was more grief.
