It’s not long before he says, “Do you want to touch me?”
I study his face. “I do.”
“I thought about what you said when we talked about this last time. There are a few things that I’ve done with you that I didn’t like doing with Ryan. It felt… uncomfortable. I didn’t like it the way he did. With you, it’s different. So, Idowant to know if I like it when you touch me under my clothes, when I didn’t like it from him, but I also want you to touch me like I touch you. I want to know if you like what you feel like I do.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I will like it, but I don’t say the words. It’s not impossible to see that Malin shut down all human contact when he was taken from Ryan’s island. Besides a hug here and there from Ellory or Avory and maybe swimming with a kid from time to time, I’m the only human contact he’s had in years.
I’m the only romantic or sexual touch he’s had since Ryan. I’m not even sure he’s wanted it before now. I’d bet my left nut that he hasn’t.
“Is that what you want to do tonight?” I ask.
He nods. “I’m nervous,” he says quietly.
“If at any time and for any reason you want me to stop, I’ll stop. No questions. No anger. No guilt. Okay?”
Malin nods, but that doesn’t alleviate his anxiety.
“How about we start out slowly? Put your hand up here like this.” I put my hand in the air right above us, palm out.
Malin mirrors it. I press my hand to his and let him look at the difference in the sizes of our hands. There’s maybe half an inch between the tips of our fingers when I line up the base of our palms. I pull my hand down, my fingers pressing gently along the length of his and down his palm. I pause and then move back up before pressing my fingers between his and linking our hands together.
A glance at Malin finds him transfixed by our hands. He’s watching as if they’re about to do a trick. For a few minutes, I continue to touch only his hand, front and back, exploring all his fingers individually and linking our hands periodically. I love when the tiniest hint of a smile settles on his lips as he watches.
I trail my hand down his arm. As he always is, he’s wearing long sleeves, and I don’t try to move them. I keep my hands moving over his shirt, along his arm, still examining his arm as thoroughly as I did his hand. When I get to his elbow, I gently pinch the loose skin there and ask, “Did you know that this skin is called the weenus?”
Malin laughs. He actually laughs. I’m not sure I’veeverheard him laugh before. “It’s not,” he says, meeting my eyes, laughter still bright in them.
My heart flutters in my chest. My new goal in life is to keep that look on his face forever. I want to hear his laughter regularly. Often. Every day.
“It is. We can look it up sometime. Scientifically, it’s the olecranal skin, but yes, it’s widely known as the weenus as well.”
His smile is much wider now as I move my hand down his arm, feeling the shape of his biceps and over his shoulder. He’s even more relaxed now. I need to find a way to make him laugh often. It puts him at ease.
My hand moves from his arm to his neck, up and over his jawline. His eyes flutter closed when I softly move my fingers over his eyes, nose, forehead, along his lips, cheekbones, around the shell of his ear, and back down his neck.
“Want to roll back so I can explore your other arm?” I ask.
Malin nods but doesn’t open his eyes. Since he’s moving further away from me, I situate a pillow close so he can turn his head and bury his face in it. What I’ve misinterpreted in the past as him just liking to be surrounded by my things is that my scent seems to be what he’s actually saturating himself in.
I’m not sure what it does, though I would like to ask at some point. Right now, I’m going to continue touching this beautiful man. I give his other hand and arm the same treatment. When I get to his elbow, I pinch the skin there like I had the other, earning myself a wide smile.
His smile transforms his face. He’s always a good-looking man, but he’s absolutely breathtaking when he smiles.
I touch the other side of his head, his neck, his face, and his ears just as I had the first side. Then, I let my hand lie across his neck. “Are you still comfortable with me touching you, Malin?”
He nods, looking absolutely relaxed.
“Would you like me to continue?”
“Yes,” he murmurs.
“The same places I’ve been touching, or would you like me to touch your chest and stomach, too?”
“Yes,” he answers, and his eyes open. “But I want you to touch my skin now. Is that okay?”
“It is with me if you’re comfortable.”
He sighs, nods. Malin sits, his attention turning away from me as he pulls his shirt up. At first, I think he’s shy, but we’ve been naked together before. We shower together at times. But when he tosses his shirt aside, he shifts his body toward me before lying down, and I think maybe he’s turning away from someone.
