“Hmm. I shouldn’t tell you that my camping grill and a small propane tank are in the bed of my truck, then,” I muse.
“On it,” Axl says as he grabs Novan and Nilo’s hands and runs back down the dock.
“We’re going to get into trouble,” Xanthus says, frowning after his cousins.
“Don’t be a baby,” Adem scoffs.
“That’s not nice,” Rosalie chides.
Adem has a matching bow in his hair that looks just like Rosalie’s. I think it is one of Rosalie’s. It’s the first time I’ve seen him wearing a bow.
One of the things I’ve really come to love and respect about the way the kids are being raised here is that nothing has a gender. Not clothes. Not colors. Not accessories. They dress how they feel. It’s been reinforced by their parents, more than just Noaz.
I’ve seen Myro in a skirt, and Voss wears sundresses at least fifty percent of the time now. I’m not sure either of them does it because they’re feeling feminine, but because some of the kids have expressed wanting to wear dresses and skirts.
Loren almost always has his nails painted. Albrecht wears heels regularly. Jessica’s constantly in muscle shirts and baseball hats. Hell, I’ve even seen Kairo with pearls on.
They’re truly pushing the boundaries of what constitutes femininity and masculinity. All of them. It’s allowed the kids to be comfortable expressing themselves however they want to. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice when something new happens. Like Adem wearing a bow.
I catch Malin’s float with my foot so he’s steady and shift to see Axl and Nilo carrying the small grill with Novan carrying the propane tank. They have a metal cart on wheels that they set everything on and roll toward me. Axl watches intently as I set it up and explain the functions.
“Stay close,” I tell him.
“I will, Uncle Gracen,” he says as he pushes it back to where it was, half a dozen feet behind me, but on the opposite side of the dock from where I’m sitting and in easy view.
“I just ate,” Malin says. “Gracen fed me.”
“Time for sunscreen,” Greylyn says.
Malin bows his head, accepting the bottle from her. I grip the back of her dress so she doesn’t go tumbling in as she stretches to reach him and hand over the sunscreen. We both watch as Malin obediently reapplies. Greylyn does so to make sure he doesn’t miss a single centimeter of skin. I do because I’m absolutely captivated by this man.
“Better,” Greylyn says. “You also need more water.”
Malin doesn’t argue. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him argue. He hands over the glass bottle, and Greylyn refills it. I keep my hand tangled in the back of her dress every time she leans over the edge of the dock. I’m confident she can swim, but I prefer that if she goes in, it’s by choice and not because she fell off the side.
I immediately smell burgers and glance back to find Axl and Novan tending the grill. I take a picture and send it to Voss and Myro. I’d never actually do anything behind their backs. I’ve seen Axl cook at the stove before, and Jessica has all their kids in the kitchen cooking.
On the other hand, Xanthus doesn’t generally go into the kitchen, so I’m not surprised he’s far more hesitant to use the grill.
I receive a thumbs-up from Myro. Voss just sends laughing emojis. See? Everything is fine.
When I look up, I find Malin watching me, and my stomach flips.He’swatchingmethis time. God, I like that.
He grips my leg and pulls his float closer. I’m surprised when he leans his head against my knee. My heart nearly stops when he sighs. Fuck. How obsessed with this guy am I?
Cautiously, I run my fingers through his hair. When he doesn’t appear to be bothered, I gain a little more confidence and continue to do so. That’s how we spend the next two hours, with the kids moving around, having a mini-Van Doren get together at the lake, but I’m in a completely separate world where Malin is taking comfort in me.
7
MALIN
No matterhow loudly I turn the volume up, I can still hear Ryan chastising me. For any reason at all. Mostly, it revolves around Gracen. Has he figured out that I can’t hear him when I’m close to Gracen?
I close my eyes as the hot sun heats my cheeks and try to get lost in the music. But Ryan is there, talking over the music. Reminding me I need cleansing. It’s been years since he cleansed my sins. Years.
My chest throbs when I remember the early days of cleansing and how much agony it caused. The pain was so bad. Ryan said it’d get better once I stopped being such a sinful child. It did get better, but it still hurt too.
I sometimes felt dirtier after my cleansings than I did before them. But Ryan was always there to hold me close and tell me how good I was. Such a perfect boy. He was so proud of me. He loved me so much.
