Even with that challenge, life did a complete 180. There was suddenly laughter in my house. The noise and the mess increased. And the kids had freedom to run around and be children.
We left the big house and put it up for sale right away, which had us moving six states away and in with Gabe. The two boys had to share a room, but they didn’t seem to mind at all. They seemed to take the transition in stride. It was a happy change for them. They were suddenly allowed to be kids and get dirty. To have likes and dislikes. To choose how they wanted to decorate their rooms and what music they listened to. What they watched on television. My oldest got a skateboard and almost immediately broke his wrist, which he fucking loved.
Gabe was a little overwhelmed at first. It wasn’t hard to see that. He went from a very quiet, solitary life to suddenly being a parent-figure in a ready-made family. There was noise and mess everywhere, which I think stressed him out a bit.
I brought in a full-time ‘house tender’ and the stress lifted considerably. Except for the noise and kids everywhere he turned. That took a little longer to get used to.
But even in those early days, Gabe was an amazing father. His instincts were spot on. As were his soccer reflexes when he dove across the room to prevent my daughter from tumbling off the chair and smacking her head on the fireplace hearth (electric fireplace, mind you).
The way my love for my husband quadrupled at that moment… there just aren’t words enough to say.
We made one change recently, and that was to sell Gabe’s house and buy a slightly bigger one. More bedrooms, so my fifteen-year-old could be a teenager in private. And… we might be planning for our own baby together. It’s not something we’ve put into words, but all the signs are there.
Comments on what room would make a good nursery when we were touring houses. If a layout made sense for a toddler to learn how to walk in. Whether our room was close enough to the kids so we could get to a crying baby in the night quickly so they wouldn’t wake up their siblings.
The way Gabe would smile at me when he brought it up, but smile wider when I did. I’ll never get tired of the way he looks at me. Like I’m everything. His love shines through in all that he says and does.
I couldn’t have predicted how very different my life would look from one year to the next. But I love every second of it. Even when my husband is doing his soccer thing and is busy for weeks and months at a time. I love my life. Our life.
A loud giggle and a loud shush following makes me grin. Gabe sighs. “I think they’re quite literally right outside the door,” he mutters.
Pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder, I chuckle. “Probably. It’s Christmas morning.”
I can feel his smile even though I can’t see it. We’re at the mountain resort again, though not in the same cabin. That wouldn’t have worked. It would have also been very awkward considering I’ve made my husband come on nearly every surface of that particular cabin. Iwas notgoing to let my kids step foot in there. Ever!
However, when we’re done with our new Christmas tradition of renting a family cabin with my kids, my parents and Gabe’s will be flying out to stay with them for the following week while we spend our anniversary inourcabin. That webothpaid for.
“Fine. Let’s get up,” he says.
As much as he’s dragging his feet and pretending to be put out, the excitement Gabe has for today has been the light in my life for the past month. He loved shopping for the kids. Decorating with them. Doing Christmas activities with them. Hetook them shopping so they could buy gifts for whoever they wanted.
I might have noticed several with my name on them, something that might have had me choked up a little. The entire time I was with Bernice, I rarely had gifts. It’s been clear since meeting Gabe that he had every intention of changing that. He’s always leaving me little gifts. For no reason at all.
Gabe gets up and we head into the bathroom to wash our combined orgasms and sweat off. Yeah,thathasn’t changed. My need for Gabe hasn’t slackened at all. Sometimes, I think it’s only magnified. Maybe because he never stops looking at me like I’m sexy. His desire for me hasneverwaned.
He puts on a one piece romper, though this one has an ass flap that secures shut. I’m both bummed about it and thankful since the kids just don’t need to see that much of my husband—their stepfather.
When we open the door, all three kids suddenly become still and stare at us with wide eyes.
“I tried to keep them quiet,” Liam says.
“No, you didn’t,” Theodore says indignantly. “I’ve been shushing you for an hour!”
“I’m going to get breakfast started,” Gabe says.
Lyssandra bounces to her feet. “I want to help.”
Gabe waits while she bounces to his side, and he drapes an arm over her shoulders. Fuck, I love it. I love this. Everything about this.
“You’re looking sappy again, Dad,” Theodore says.
I level him with a look until he stops fighting the grin. No one has to say it. And they don’t. We can all see how much happier our household is now. I’ve caught all three kids on occasion just looking around with a somewhat awed expression, as if thinking,this is my life?!
Once, my youngest said it. “I’m so happy now.”
Those words both made my heart sore and felt like a punch to the gut. I should have stood up for what I wanted for my kids a long time ago. I should have given them the home they deserved. It’s not like they were lacking anything. They weren’t abused or neglected. But they were painted up like dolls and demanded to play a part.
Stripping away all those expectations has been one of my favorite things this year. Handing them the freedom to be whoever they want to be without fear of someone telling them it’s wrong. Seeing how all three of them have blossomed with such smart and sometimes sarcastic personalities has kept me on my feet, constantly laughing. Loving them with my whole heart.
