“You still have games?”
“Not season games. These are just to keep working on our skills and gameplay. Make us available for agents and teams to check out.”
“Huh. Well, what about the following Saturday?”
“I don’t think I’m busy. You want to hang out? Maybe we can grab Corwin too and find a picture of the mountains and crank the AC.”
Xile chuckles, shaking their head. I’m reminded of what Kendrick said. I try to see this conversation in a different way, but all I hear is a friend who wants to hang out.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask.
“Yep,” Xile says as we walk down the sidewalk slowly. Their arm is linked with mine again, and I wonder if that’s supposed to mean something. “I’ve always been told that I’m a little… oblivious, and while that word wasn’t used in this situation, it’s been pointed out that you’ve been trying to show you’re interested in me since we arrived in Iceland. Is that true?”
Xile gives me a sly smile. “It is true. I thought I was being ridiculously obvious.”
“Oh.” My cheeks heat up. “I… I, uh, I’m seeing someone.”
“You can just tell me you’re not interested,” Xile says. “That’s cool.”
“No. I mean, yes, I guess I’m not, but maybe I might have been if I wasn’t seeing someone, but I am.”
They look at me. “Yeah?”
“Wait, am I leading you on? Iam?—”
“Seeing someone,” Xile says, laughing again. “I heard you, and I believe you.”
“Can we still be friends? I’d still like to hang out and talk or whatever.”
Xile pats my arm. “Yeah, Brevan. I’d like that too.”
“Okay, good.”
We walk for a while, and Xile tells me about their courses before they take off for the Queer Palace Café. After they disappear inside, I adjust my direction and head for Kendrick’s house. It’s after three, so he should be home.
It’s difficult to sneak around in broad daylight. There are only two months we’ll need to do it for, but already, just a few days after getting back, it feels improbable that we’re going to manage to keep it a secret.
I’ve come up with the idea that I’ve volunteered to walk Martha after school because I miss my childhood golden retriever. I just have to remember I had one—which I didn’t. Lying isn’t easy for me, but I’m training myself with this story by chanting it in my head, over and over again.
This gives me a reason to stop at Kendrick’s house. I drop my bag inside and get Martha all strapped into her harness and leash, then we go out for a walk in the park or around campus. Giving myself a reasonable alibi and proving that Iamwalking Martha.
I’m working up to running with her, too. That way, I’m getting in some cardio as I paint this lie brightly colored with no cracks.
When we get back to Kendrick’s house, I’ll enter through the fenced-in backyard, and we’ll go in through the sliding door. The nearest neighbors are a little ways down the block, off campus property. They’re the same neighbors who stopped in to let Martha out when Kendrick’s son had to leave early.
As I wander around the park with Martha today, I think about that. Given what Kendrick has told me about his kids, I wonder if Seth really did have an emergency or if he was making an excuse so he could leave before Kendrick got home. Not that I wish his apartment was flooded, but I really hope that he didn’t lie about an emergency just to get out of spending time with Kendrick.
Then again, Kendrick said that Seth had come a few days early, so that means something, right? I wish I could make his kids understand what it’s like to lose their parents unexpectedly. Over the years, it leaves you wondering what the last thing you said to them was. Did you remember to tell them you love them? Had the last thing I’d said as a kid been selfish and angry because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted?
My breathing feels heavy, so I push thoughts about my parents aside. We’re making our way into the backyard now anyway, and I don’t want to get myself all worked up. It’s been more than a decade since I lost my parents. I feel like maybe it shouldn’t hurt so bad and I’m being a baby.
Martha is like a storm as she excitedly bounces around and barks at Kendrick. I imagine she’s telling Kendrick where we went and who we saw.
Kendrick takes me into his arms as soon as I’m within reach, and I take a deep breath. Given all the time and energy I’ve given to worrying and struggling since my grandfather died, I feel like I can finally take a breath and know that everything is going to be good now.
CHAPTER 30
KENDRICK
