“Yeah, but you have to get cold on either side of getting warm.”
“You didn’t get into the hot tub while we’ve been here?” I ask.
Xile peeks out to look at me. “No. Did you?”
I nod. “Once. It’s lovely to watch the mountains while in the hot bubbles.”
Silence meets my statement, and I think maybe I’ve given away that I’ve been sleeping with Kendrick.No,I remind myself. Enjoying a hot tub with someone doesn’t mean we had sex in it. I’ve shared a hot tub with strangers at a hotel and have never had sex with them.
Some of my teammates, on the other hand are a different story. No, no. I don’t mean I’ve had sex with my teammates. They’ve had sex with strangers we’ve met in the hot tub.
Okay, I’m not awake yet if I’m correcting my own thoughts.
“When did you do that?” Corwin asks.
I can hear him loading the woodstove to relight the fire. Probably not a big fire. We voted to get up early this morning and pack instead of coming back early last night to pack.
“I don’t know. A few days ago. When everyone went… somewhere.”
“You didn’t explore with us much,” Xile says.
I might have if I didn’t feel uncomfortable around Anna and Philomena. They apologized, yes, but how do you really trust someone’s apology when you overhear them saying you’re stupid? Do they truly mean their apology, or are they sorry for being overheard?
This isn’t information I volunteer. I can’t think of a reason that I can offer them, though. Wanting to spend time with Kendrick seems a little too… open for questions. We didn’t necessarily agree to keep everything quiet, but I think it’s obvious, right? We must be breaking all kinds of rules.
“I didn’t,” I agree.
Xile shifts more, so they can look at me clearly. “Why?”
I sigh.
“Don’t push him, Xile,” Corwin says.
“I’m not. Not really. Did someone make you uncomfortable?”
“That’s pushing,” Corwin says. His head pops up over the ladder. “Whatever reason you have, that’s cool.”
I feel like I need to say something, but I’m not sure how to say something without it being a lie, since I don’t feel like I can or should share either of the reasons. “Yes, I have a reason, but I don’t want to share it. I’m sorry.”
“That’s cool,” Corwin says.
Xile sits up, wrapping their blankets around them. “I’m not trying to push, but I need to make sure I’m not the reason.”
My eyebrows knit together as I study them. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”
They give me a smile. “Because sometimes I wrap my arm through yours without asking or sit really close. Maybe I’ll say something that makes you uncomfortable. I’m teasing, though there’s a hint of truth to it. But I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I shake my head. “You haven’t made me uncomfortable.” I’m not even sure what they’re referring to. Yes, they sit close and hold my arm like a date sometimes, but that’s okay. People do that all the time. There’s something about me that makes others want to cuddle up, and I like that because I don’t get cuddles often.
“Good. That’s what I was fishing for when I was pushing. I just wanted to make sure I’m not the reason you didn’t want to hang out with us.”
“You’re not,” I assure them.
“The chill in the air is gone,” Corwin says as he retreats from the loft. “Get your lazy asses up. We can’t be late.”
“I’d be completely bummed if they left me here,” Xile says.
I grin and push myself up. I didn’t bring much to the loft, but I gather my charger, the power converter, and the few other items before making my way down the ladder. Stepping around the corner, I’m greeted with the view of the mountains.
