“Because you have enough dorms?” someone asks.
“Yes and no. It’s more than just accommodations and necessities. It’s also about finances. In an ideal world, schooling at all levels would be free. But the reality is, equipment costs money. Staff costs money. Facilities upkeep costs money. Even if we break down what it costs for a single student for a single day to attend RDU with no cost to themselves, that’s not a small number. Then you have to think about how that student’s quality of life is with that bare minimum and how that would isolate them,” Zarek says.
“Maybe there should be a student sponsorship program.”
“We do have something like that. It’s a scholarship program. When we send out donor letters, there are options for which departments they’d like their contribution to help fund, as well as an option for keeping it open to the school’s discretion,” Katai says.
“I’ll also note that we have a section on our website that’s updated daily, which catalogues all donations, big and small, as well as where that money is spent,” Zarek says. “Down to the penny. There’s never any question about where our donation dollars are spent.”
“Or any dollars,” Byndley says. “Most salaries are readily available, as is where the funding comes from. We believe in transparency so that donors can feel comfortable and confident in giving to the school. No one is getting rich working at RDU, but that doesn’t mean they’re not living comfortably, either.”
“That’s a pretty big deal,” Samuel says. “Not many people put that stuff out there unless it’s federally required, and even then, it’s buried deep and difficult to find.”
“We aren’t dependent on federal dollars,” I say. “That doesn’t mean certain information isn’t required of us since we’re operating under an educational license, but what’s important is the students who come to us. The first question I asked when accepting this position was, ‘How can I reach the largest number of queer youth who need our help?’ The answer is a bottomless bank account.”
My comment receives several smiles and quiet laughter. I grin.
“They say the root of all evil is money, and I do agree to some degree. Wecan’treach everyone unless we have a means to do so. So the next question we asked ourselves was, ‘How do we convince people to trust us with their donations?’ The answer was to show them where our money goes. There are many in-depth breakdowns of salaries, upkeep, etc., and what it takes to run any specific class or department on a single day, and I think that’s one of the biggest comments we receive from potential donors is how much they appreciate—and are surprised by—the figures we offer,” I say.
“Everyone wants to know where their money goes and why something costs so much,” Zarek says. “If we offer them those numbers up front in combination with seeingexactlywhere we spend our money, it goes a long way to facilitate trust and establish a relationship.”
“We can learn a lot from you,” Magnus says. “I’m truly humbled by the number of times I’ve been in awe.”
“Thank you,” I say, bowing my head a little. “There’s room for improvement, always, and we continue to be better every year than we were the last. Whether that’s finding the means to bring one more student in on a full scholarship than the previous year. Hiring an educator at the top of their field to teach our young folk. Updating one of our labs to the newest technology so our students always have an edge. RDU isn’t just a land of rainbows and queer people. We are a force, and every single year, we’re going to get stronger and send stronger young queer people into the world with the highest quality education and voices that won’t be silenced.”
I’m surprised when there’s a round of clapping. Jerome whoops, punching his fist into the air. Their excitement is infectious, and I grin.
My eyes meet Brevan’s, and he’s got the biggest, most beautiful smile pointed in my direction. I feel it in my chest. I feel the radiance of it against my skin, as if he’s the sun. It makes taking a breath shaky, but I can’t look away.
“I hadn’t meant to be motivational,” I murmur to Byndley.
She grins. “You’re more motivational than you realize, Kendrick. What makes you such a force all your own is that you back up your pretty words with actions. You inspire people to be better.” She nods toward the group, now loudly chatting about points I’ve said.
I’m not sure why her words hit me strangely. I’m reminded of my failed marriage. My estranged children, with whom I barely have a relationship. Maybe I’m good in a corporate setting. As a business model or an educational blueprint.
As someone with a hollow personal life and nothing to show for twenty-five years of marriage except three children whocould go years without talking to me, maybe my success is all surface level.
My eyes meet Brevan’s again, and even stranger still is the way hope spears my chest. Ridiculous. Nothing is happening here. Itcan’thappen here. My heart doesn’t agree, though. Everything inside me doesn’t seem to agree with what my brain is saying.
All I want is to talk to that man some more.
CHAPTER 17
BREVAN
There are some positions in the school that you really have no contact with, and therefore, you have no idea about the person who fills that role. For some people, that’s staff and faculty outside of their own departments. I admit I’m not familiar with a lot of the faculty who aren’t a part of the athletic department or the humanities and science departments, since that’s where the majority of my classes fall.
The administration is an entirely different beast, and I can see on one hand why you might never know them other than that they’re there, or if you have a particular reason to know them. You just know that they’re there doing their jobs. They’re a large part of why the school runs.
On the other hand, it seems sad that they’re not known. They do so much for the school. I didn’t know that Miss Ito had a large hand in scholarships and in making it possible for those without a means to attend RDU.
Maybe more tragically, our provost should be well known throughout the school because he’s amazing. The things he’s done for the school, how much he’s made it grow and thrive—those are things that the student body should know. We should celebrate him.
It’s difficult to look away from him. He has no idea how much his words hit home. I’ve never identified as queer, but I think that’s primarily because I had other things taking up too much room in my mind. Were we going to have to move again this weekend, and I’d have to miss more football? Were we going to have food tonight or just a slice of bread and cheese? Was I still going to be able to play football?
I imagine so many of my thoughts would have been different if I hadn’t been constantly plagued with these worries as a teenager. Even coming to RDU and having all the queer joy spring up around me, I felt almost removed. Not exactly like I didn’t belong, but that maybe I just belonged on the outskirts looking in.
I’ve since solidly claimed the word as my own. I’m happy to be proud of the queer community. But it doesn’t truly have a defining role in my life. Like… my gender, sexuality, or anything. To be honest, it’s not something that I’ve thought about. My brain is still programmed to think about other things, like where to go during breaks and over the summer, since my grandma died at the end of my first year at RDU.
