“You’re going to make time,” he says. “I expect you to return with a written statement about why you were chosen for this ambassador position. About why you’re right to represent not just our football team and the athletics department, but the school itself. You’re going to write it and mean it. So you’d best be thinking about it while you’re in Iceland.”
How am I going to write that when I don’t believe for a second I’m anyone other than a mistake?
Coach gets up from his desk and comes around. Maybe seeing the panic his words create, he takes me into his arms, hugging me tightly. One of my favorite things about Coach Lemon is that he always knows when his team needs a hug, and he’s not afraid to give hugs.
I close my eyes and try to keep my panic inside.
“It’s okay,” Coach says quietly. “If you need a moment to freak out, you’re safe to do so. It’ll stay between us. I promise.”
He opened the floodgates, and for the next several minutes, I word vomit all my fears about failing the school and letting everyone down. Being an embarrassment and disappointing him, my family, and everyone. Words come out that I don’t consciously know I’m feeling.
Finally, I take a deep breath and bury my face in Coach Lemon’s chest until I can catch my breath. Tears sting my eyes, but you shouldn’t cry on a leather vest, so I don’t let them fall.
Coach hugs me until I’ve gotten myself together enough to pull away. His hands feel comforting on my shoulders. “Look at me, Brevan.”
Embarrassed, I meet his eyes as my cheeks flush. “You’re going to do wonderful things in Iceland. I have full confidence in you. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, too. Are you listening?”
I nod.
“I didn’t have to struggle at all to find faculty willing to write you recommendations. In fact, I had to pick and choose from a dozen since three was the limit. Your teammates look up to you in a way I don’t think you realize. Youarea great person, Brevan. A phenomenal athlete and an intelligent man. Donotlet anyone tell you otherwise.”
“I don’t feel smart,” I admit.
“Why is that?”
“I struggle with every class. I feel like I’m always left behind in conversations. I feel like I have to work twice as hard to understand everything except football.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re not smart, Brevan. It’s indicative of a learning disability. Everyone learns differently, and maybe the way you learn isn’t how you’re presented with information inclass. Which you know because you go to the study center every day. Failure isn’t an option for you.”
Maybe Coach is right. Maybe it’s my confidence that is the most lacking. I wouldn’t have guessed that. He claps my shoulder and moves back around his teal desk.
“You leave tomorrow, don’t you?”
I nod. “Yes, Coach.”
“Are you all packed?”
“Getting there.”
“You’re going to make me proud. I have every confidence in you, Brevan. And you know why?”
I shake my head.
“Because I know you’ll work hard not to let me down. That’s the kind of person you are. Now go pack so you don’t have to stress as you rush. Get a good night’s sleep. Have fun.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
I feel numb as I leave his office. A little confused. Still entirely dumbfounded that my coach sent in my application.
Most of all, I feel undeserving. I don’t know what to do about it.
My feet carry me back to my dorm, where I’m surprised to find a handful of my friends. Teammates Franklin, Horace, Lane, and Wulfe. And Horace’s girlfriend, Nicole. They’re hanging out with Eddy in the common area when I step inside.
“Hey,” Lane and Nicole greet.
“Where you been?” Franklin asks.
“Sorry. Talking to Coach.” I look at their faces and wonder if I forgot something. “Are we supposed to be doing something right now?”
