KEARY
Every time I relive history, I can feel the horror build again in my chest. As if it happened just yesterday. What the fuck do I want to live through it again for?
Rainer is not a fan of Drystan’s sisters. After riding the winged beasts, they were heading to the lake to swim with the finned beasts, but Rainer opted out of that one. I waited on the shore with him while Notto and Drystan joined the girls.
Notto wasn’t as interested as Drystan, but he wasn’t going to let Drystan go alone, either. Anything can trigger Drystan into panicking. Maybe he was drowned as a means of training, but he doesn’t remember it. Maybe water was used as a tool to punish him.
Anything is possible, and while water in any capacity might not have ever bothered him up until this point, that doesn’t mean something about this particular experience won’t. That’s the way of trauma. You can identify a trigger and actively avoidit, but you only know it’s a trigger because it’s triggered you in the past.
We will never let him suffer through a panic attack alone. I hate that Silence still affects him a century after they’ve been murdered. It’s unfair that they still have such a grip on Drystan. That they still interfere with his life.
“They’re kind of wild,” Rainer notes as he watches the five of them in the distance on the water.
I nod in agreement. “Correct.”
“I get the feeling they don’t like that I’m human.”
I shrug one shoulder. “They don’t get an opinion on the matter.”
Minutes pass as Rainer continues to watch them. “Does your dismissal of their opinion of me being human mean that I’m right?”
I pull him into my lap and wrap my arms around him. He shifts when I let my hand drop between his legs. He’s going to learn real quick that I’m a fucking whore. I have been my entire life, and it’s only going to get worse now that I have the men I hunger for the most.
He doesn’t seem bothered in the least when I want to touch him, so I slip my hand under his pants and underwear to feel how he hardens for me. I can’t wait to ride this cock and feel him spill inside me.
A shiver races up my spine, but I turn my attention to his question.
“When we met you, your opinion of monsters was to cluster us all into anasty existencecategory based on what you were told by the humans you were surrounded by and what you witnessed. You were immediately distrustful of us even though we rescued you from death by a poisonous quill.”
Rainer nods.
“Many monsters, especially the generations born into this world, feel that way about humans. You know that there were thousands of humans who had abducted, tortured, and killed many, many thousands of monsters simply because they felt threatened by them. What I don’t think we made clear is that we rescued all the prisoners. We rescued the tortured. They live among us. I’m not going to go so far as to say that their torture methods were as bad as those of Silence, and while this is going to sound kind of like a defense on Silence’s behalf, it’s not. Silence didn’t torture anyone for the sake of torturing them. Everything we’ve uncovered, every victim we rescued, they all lead to one thing—they werelearning. They had an objective that they were trying to accomplish. All of their torture methods were an attempt to learn the answer to a specific question and meet a specific goal.”
“That’s sick,” he says.
I snort. “It is. I hope that you never know the extent of what they’ve done. But my point is, in a very real way, what they were doing was science. These same methods happened in human history, especially in medical history, as they learned about the human body and how every organ works. Their methods were barbaric back then—certainly torturous. What I’m talking about having taken place in Silence facilities was next-level torturous, but it was the same principle.”
“You’re right. It sounds like you’re defending them,” Rainer says.
I nod. “I know, but I’m not. While most of the torture that took place in human history in the pursuit of medicine wasn’tintendedto be cruel and the outcomes were definitely intended to better the human race, that wasn’t the intent behind the experiments on humans or monsters within Silence’s walls. Their intent was always evil. Their goal was to undo all speciesand control them on a molecular level. To create and destroy like they were gods.”
“I hate that. It makes me angry even though it happened so long ago.”
“Not long enough. There are still many thousands who live to this day, suffering through lasting conditions because of that. My point is that, while evil, there was an objective to what they were doing. Something was driving them. The humans who tortured monsters weren’t doing it because they had questions to answer. It was because they could. Because monsters were different and scary and disgusting. They were animals, simply there to entertain and satisfy the whims of humans. They used stolen magic that belonged to monsters to do so. They did this for many decades, torturing innocent monsters who had never hurt a human in their entire lives, and they did this because they could. Because we’re different from them, and the humans of those dayshatedwhen someone was different—different colored skin, different religious beliefs, different lifestyles, different sex lives, justdifferentby any means. They hated the differences that, in reality, made them beautiful. They went out of their way to separate those who were different, to hurt them, to persecute them, to erase them from history as if they didn’t exist, to torture them, and to kill them. That’s the way of humans.”
“Monsters were the ultimate difference,” Rainer notes.
“It’s not easy to keep a clear mind concerning them after growing up next to a neighbor who lived through their torture. The teko have an internal struggle regarding humans, though. While it’s monsters who are responsible for their muddied existence, it’s a human womb who bore them. Yet they’re raised alongside the monsters who were cruelly tortured by humansjust becausethey were different.”
Rainer shakes his head.
“You have a reason for hating monsters. A personal reason that you lived through. Something you witnessed. The generations born into this world that Silence destroyed have a very distorted worldview because of the generation who lived through the dark times created by humans and monsters alike. It’s a constant struggle because yes, they live alongside the abused, but they’re also surrounded by monstrous families with human spouses. They can see that humans aren’t all bad. They can listen to those humans’ stories, and they can hear the stories of the humans who were tortured by Silence. It’s hard to know how to feel given all the mixed input.”
“I understand that. I’ve been struggling with that since you saved my life. I struggle with it a little whenever you tell me what happened a hundred years ago and when you brought me to the monster compound because it’s completelyoppositewhat I was taught. The evidence around us says that monsters are bad. Even though it was a select group of monsters who were responsible for the world being the way it is, it’s difficult not to feel that way about all monsters. You know?”
“I do, but I’m lucky. I lived alongside humans for ninety years before the monsters rose up against Silence, so I’ve seen the good and the bad. I know that your neighbor isn’t a true representation of you. Everyone should be judged individually, not based on the actions of a set group.”
“So that’s why they don’t like me,” I say. “Drystan’s sisters.”
