Notto takes mine from me, shows me the button, then pulls it open in length, showing me the same functionality that Keary’s has. He hands it back and walks ahead.
“I think you’re growing on him,” Keary says, knocking his elbow against mine. His skin shimmers strangely in the directional flashlight illumination. I can see how he thinks he’s a god. It’s an almost… ethereal glow.
The tunnel is long with absolutely no light except that which we hold in our hands. There are other doors that we pass. Are these more shelters? Is this a complex of them? Do they all have their start in the cemetery?
Are we still under the cemetery? I feel like we’ve walked long enough that we very well could have passed from under its borders. Which brings me to another question… How far above my head are the dead buried? How deep underground am I?
I’m reminded that I was passed out for the entire trip underground once Keary put me on his back, so I have no idea how far he walked while I was unconscious. The thought makes me wince. Oof. What a first impression.
The thought that they might be leading me somewhere I don’t want to be, maybe with bad intent, also crosses my mind. I’ve lived my entire life with the knowledge that monsters can’t be trusted. They’re responsible for the state of the world. They’re the cause of humans’ near extinction.
While I haven’t brought it up in a bigger discussion, they didn’t deny it when I said something about monsters killing humans. Their only counter was that humans were as bad as monsters.
I’m not sure I’ve seen enough evidence of that in life, but if they’re as old as they say they are, they’ve seen things that I’ve only been told about. None of the accounts I’ve been told are firsthand, either.
There’s a chance that the truth has been exaggerated over the years, with human memory being altered by stories that were passed down verbally.
Then again, if you lived through the events of a hundred years ago, how good is your memory today? I glance at the monsters surrounding me.
Whose history is accurate?
It’s difficult to put much faith in their version of events when I’ve seen something contradictory every day of my life. It’s not humans living in walled cities. It’s not humans killing colonies of monsters. It’s not humans hiding underground shelters filled with resources that could support an entire colony for ages.
A sliver of light comes into view in the distance.
I can’t help but note that these monsters’ first instincts weren’t to kill me. They were to save me.
Maybe that means there’s some leeway in both versions of the truth. Maybe the two histories actually meet in the middle.
I’m not sure I care a lot about the histories though. Bottom line—monsters killed my parents unprovoked.
DRYSTAN
To love you is like having a chronic illness; it will never go away, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable—even painful—it might be. I guess I just have to embrace that love.
In the dark of the tunnel, I slide my hand into Notto’s. I can practically feel him roll his eyes, but his grip on my hand is tight. I’m not going to pretend for a second that’s because he wants my touch. It’s because he knows I want his.
I like to be touched. I crave the comfort of a presence that’s not threatening me with abuse. Probably a trauma response from the days I spent as a science experiment for the monsters who created me and trained me to be a child soldier under threat of cruel punishment.
My hand tightens in Notto’s when the line of light under the door ahead comes into view. For just a second, I hear laughter accompanied by the screams of one of my cellmates beyond the door.
I shake my head. Not real. That’s not real.
An image flashes before my eyes of the door opening, flooding the room with bright white light and nine-oh-eight being dragged in by a dark figure.
Nope. Not real. Not real.Not. Real.
Notto’s hand tightens. He tugs on my arm. It’s enough to erase the past so I’m only seeing the present. The door ahead doesn’t open until we reach it and open it ourselves. There’s daylight on the other side. Not torture.
I flinch at the bright light when Keary pushes open the door. The physical reaction makes my monster expand in my chest, and for just a second, I vanish entirely. Only Notto sees it, though, as Rainer and Keary are in front of us.
The outside comes into view. Shapes become recognizable. I don’t know where I am, but I know where I’m not.
“Okay?” Notto asks.
I nod and let his hand go. Darkness always creates an uncomfortable reaction in me. I’m not afraid of the dark. I’m just afraid of the memories that the dark summons.
Notto’s question makes Rainer and Keary look back at me. Rainer doesn’t understand why the question was asked. His eyes flicker down my body, examining to see if he can identify the reason Notto’s asking.
