“Why are you nervous?”
My heart races. For several seconds, I focus on normalizing my breathing. “I don’t like when we leave the future so open-ended,” I admit. “It leaves me feeling… insecure and unsure. I’m also afraid of the complications hockey poses.”I’m afraid of not seeing you again.
“This is exactly what I want to talk about. For this conversation, when I ask you what you want, I need you to tell me whatyouwant and how you feel. Okay, Shiv? You can’t answer that you want what I want or what makes me happy. This has to be an open conversation between us.”
I sigh heavily and nod. “I know.”
“Do you want to sit on the couch while we talk?”
My shoulders tense.
Dasan smiles. “You want to remain my sexy submissive on his knees for this conversation, don’t you?”
“Yes. Is that okay?”
“If that makes you more comfortable and confident to talk, yes. Definitely.”
I nod because yes, I do feel better.
“I think we can begin with something that might feel a little obvious. Our roles. I’m going to start with how I see myself, and then you’ll tell me the same about you. I’m a soft dom. I don’t like the ‘harder’ aspects of dominance such as fear play, pain play, degradation, or anything like that. I feel like I’d do best in a positive reinforcement situation, and while we can certainly work out a form of discipline and punishment, I don’t imagine I have the kind of personality that will be able to give as much by physical means. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.”
“Now, you tell me about yourself.”
“I’ve never done this before,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t really know the details of what’s expected of me.”
“That’s not what this is about right now. We’ll talk about expectations, boundaries, and rules. Right now, I want you to tell me how you imagine yourself in a submissive role.”
“I want to please you. All of your desires and needs.”
Dasan watches me for a minute, and when I don’t expand, he smiles. “That’s all, huh?”
“I…” I lick my lips. “I’m sorry. I guess I don’t really know what else goes with it. I want to make you feel good. I want you to want me to make you feel good.”
“You need some things too, though.”
I shake my head.
“Yes, you do. You just told me that you don’t like it when we leave things open ended. It leaves you uncomfortable. So something else you want is a clear set of parameters that defines our relationship. Right?”
“Oh. Yes, I want that too.”
Dasan chuckles. “I think maybe it’s safe to say that you don’t completely know what you want.”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m going to need you to tell me when you think of something else you want or need.”
I press my lips together, not at all enjoying that assertion. His finger traces my lips as he studies my face.
“I’ve never done this before either. I’ve read a lot about doms and their subs, so I have an idea of how this works, but this is going to be an evolving situation. One we will need to expand on frequently until we’re both comfortable with what we’ve set up between us.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“Let’s begin with some basics. We’ve already established that hockey is a separate thing. Everything we discuss and put into place is canceled when it comes to hockey. Our roles together don’t matter. Agreed?”
“Yes, agreed.”
