Now I have him alone, but we’re also not alone and won’t be all night. He hasn’t said anything to me at all. Not when I stopped at his house to head to work. Not when I asked him if he was ready. All I received was a nod of his head, and he didn’t meet my eyes.
My gut is all twisted. I don’t know how to fix this. I need to apologize. I need to explain why we can’t do this.
I need him to forgive me for stepping so far out of line.
I need him to stop wearing those tight fucking shorts that have me half-hard every time he’s around me. I don’t know which is more enthralling—the promise of what he’s hiding in the front or seeing those perfect cheeks framed like the work of art they are.
We lock our phones up at the dock and head to the ferry. My chance to say something was when we were walking to the dock, when there weren’t people surrounding us. We had at least a little bit of privacy at that point.
Gossip gets printed in black and white, though. For the entire population of residents to read. I don’t want anything I have to say or what I did to be repeated. I don’t ever want Nason to find out, and certainly not from the damn newsletter or someone else’s mouth.
People surround us on the ferry. Elijah leans against the railing, watching everyone as they pass. He waves. Says hi toour neighbors. Living in a place like this, it’s hard not to know everyone. I love that about Kala.
There are times like right now, though, that I actually hate it. There’s no privacy. Even when you think you’re alone, you’re likely being overheard. The only reason I know no one knows about me kissing my best friend’s son is because it hasn’t spread like wildfire.
The sun is well on its way to setting, painting the sky in beautiful shades of blue and purple, darkening by the minute. I don’t need my sunglasses, but I wear them since I can’t keep my eyes off Elijah’s ass. Especially not the way he’s leaning against the railing with his ass sticking out.
It would serve me right if he’s doing it intentionally to torment me. He certainly knows I have a thing for his ass. He figured it out when we were making cookies. There’s no doubt in my mind.
We’re awkwardly silent as the ferry makes its short trip to Etsumi. The silence remains around us as we walk to the Hinky Dinky Bar. It’s frustrating. There’s never been anything like this hanging between us before, and I hate it.
“What do you know about mixing drinks?” I ask. At least there’s work talk.
Elijah shakes his head. “Nothing. The only drinks I’ve ever had are ones you’ve made me.”
I’m not sure why pride fills my chest at that. I nod. “There’s a recipe book, but we’ll start with the basics. You can fill from the tap and hand over bottled beer and wine coolers. Pour some wine. That kind of thing.”
He nods without answering.
“Lie.” He doesn’t respond when I don’t continue. Then his eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, keeping my voice low enough that no one else can overhear. Even if they do, they won’t know what I’m apologizing for. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
He shrugs one shoulder and turns back to face the way we’re walking. “Sure.”
I sigh. There are a thousand things I want to say. None of which are words I allow out of my mouth right now. “You know?—”
“I don’t have to work here,” he says. “I just need to spend a short enough time here, and I’m sure someone will insult me. Then I’ll quit.”
“No.” He looks at me. “You’re not quitting like that. I’m not lettinganyonetreat you poorly, Lie. Never in my presence.”
He stares at me for a beat before turning his attention away. We’re at the bar now. I think my tone was probably a little more aggressive than it needed to be. I rub my face as I lead him to the bar. “This is Beth and Sam,” I tell Lie like he hasn’t met them dozens of times. “Just look around for a bit. Get familiar with where everything is. Okay?”
Lie inclines his head and does what I tell him to. I’m keenly aware that he’s there, slowly wandering. Lifting lids and opening cabinets. He watches us work, watches us mix drinks. Watches the way we interact with the customers.
I feel his eyes, though he rarely looks at me. The sour feeling in my gut tells me I’ve hurt him, and Ihaveto fix it. This can’t carry on like that.
He picks up a towel and cleans a water ring off the counter that I haven’t gotten to. He’s at the far end where he and Cash usually sit. I tend to take the third of the counter where he sits whenever he’s here, and since he’s almost always down this way, I think he naturally gravitates to that end now.
Which is convenient. It means we’re away from prying ears. “Lie.” Elijah looks at me. “Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he murmurs, dropping his gaze to watch what I’m doing with the drink I’m mixing. “It was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t a mistake.” His eyes meet mine again. “Not in the way you’re saying. I don’t regret it.”
Elijah frowns.
“You understand, though. I know you do.” I cap the mixer drink and put it in his hands, keeping mine over his for a minute as I show him how tightly to hold the two pieces together so we don’t have raining alcohol from his shaking. It allows me to get close. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for months,” I whisper, and feel the way he inhales. “Please don’t think this can’t happen because I don’t want it to, Lie. Nothing is further from the truth.”
A quiet burst of air leaves his lungs as his lips part. I take a step back and release his hands. “Shake.”
