Lie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You saw?”
“No. I came outside in time to see you running down the road and Nason yelling after you like a little bitch.”
He gives me a weak half smile.
“So I punched him.”
Lie’s eyes shoot wide. “You what?” I hold up my hand, and Lie gasps. “Oh my god, Laiken. Did you break it?”
“Unlikely, but possible. I don’t regret it in the least. Especially since it resulted in stopping him from yelling his nasty shit.”
He closes his eyes and leans his head against mine. “How did this get so messed up?” he whispers.
“I think we were both naïve to think this was ever going to go any other way than this, even if this is far worse than we could have ever predicted,” I tell him, burying my hand in his hair. My hand stings. My bones ache. There’s a chance I might have, at the very least, fractured a bone or two. He has a hard-as-fuck head. “There are moments I think we could have done better.”
“Like not doing this at all,” he whispers.
I nod. “Yes. I think that would have been the best idea.” His body sags. “But that’s not the choice we made. Look at me, Lie.” His dark, watery eyes open. “I don’t regret a minute with you. If I had to live that moment over and over again, I’d still choose you every single time, even knowing with every fiber of my being that Nason was not going to approve of this.”
Tears fill his eyes, making his lip tremble.
“I love you,” I murmur, feeling the way his breaths shake. “I’m sorry we’re constantly being tested by your father. I admit I’ve kind of been waiting for you to decide that you miss your dad enough that you want to stop seeing me, but I’m really glad you’re here.”
Lie swallows. “It never crossed my mind,” he murmurs. “I think when he caught us kissing on the beach and accused you of seducing me and then refused to listen to us… I think that’s when I realized he was already not the same father he was when I left the house that morning. Everything about him was different. I no longer recognized him.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Me too. You don’t have to pretend like you’re not hurting, too, Laiken. You’ve had him in your life longer than I have. I’m sure this is hard on you.”
I’ve ignored my own pain in favor of comforting Lie for so long that once he acknowledges it, I can’t catch my breath. I close my eyes, feeling the well of sorrow overflow. My chest shakes with an internal sob that I refuse to let out.
Lie hugs me, and just for a moment, we share the grief of losing Nason. His father. My best friend. A gaping hole in both of our hearts that will never be filled again.
Chapter Thirty-Five
LIE
September
This is probablysome kind of record. I’ve held this job for two months, even though I hate every single day of my working life. I hate coming home dirty and spending forty minutes in the shower trying to scrub dirt from my skin.
I feel like I take off three layers of my epidermis every single day. How long before I run out of skin? My skin feels raw.
There is no amount or combination of clothing that keeps me clean. Dirt seems to get through all layers of my pants and clings to my knees. They’re constantly dirty now, no matter how many times I clean them. My nails are always ugly, broken, and dirty. I can scrub them until they bleed andstillthere’s fucking dirt!
But I’ve had a job for two solid months. That’s impressive, right? That’s growth or some shit. The marks of a responsible adult, a contributing member of society.
Rolling my eyes, I flick the light off in the bathroom and step into the hall. I pause when I see my mother walking by outside,on her way to work at the school. I watch her until she’s out of sight and then turn away.
I haven’t spoken to my parents in two months. Not since the day in the front yard. I haven’t seen my father at all. Not in his backyard. Not leaving for work or coming home. Not when I’m out with Cash or Laiken.
Honestly, I’m happy about that. I don’t want to see him. My hurt has finally started to numb, and I’m able to go through my days with some sense of calm and happiness.
Laiken makes me happy. Everything he does. Everything we talk about. Every conversation, adventure, and second, he makes me smile.
I’m done thinking that this is wrong. I don’t care what people have to say about it, though thankfully, they’ve stopped making us the center of gossip. They’ve moved on to what Philip did to Jose last week while they were partying with guests on the nude beach.
Whatever. As long as they’re done talking about me for a while. They can’t even say I’ve quit yet another job.
