“Murderous clown hen. Aggressive, mob-like dolphins. What’s next?”
“Mob-like?” Cash asks.
“Have you ever seen a pod of dolphins? You mess with one and they’re all up in your business. How is that not mob-like?”
He laughs again and turns the page. “Oh, this is interesting. Voting on names for the islands. Top contenders for the seven islands are: Pema, Goish, Horseshoe, Io, Ganymede, Potato, and Kokomorailohiniaoram. Wow. What the fuck is that last one?”
“A three-year-old smashing their hands on the keyboard. It’ll be shortened to Koko or maybe Kokomorai. That last half is the embarrassing middle name you want no one to hear.”
Cash grins. “They’re really moving forward with this. Phase one is raising money, of course. The islands will be built in stages, the first being one of the residential islands, which is smart.”
“I’m guessing they’re going to put all the construction workers up on the resort,” I note. “Which seems weird, right? That means they’re mixing in with paying guests and that has a high probability of problems.”
“This doesn’t say. It just says that the first phase is residential. Once the island is built, they’ll begin with the second island—more resort—and begin building houses on the completed island. They’re going to have dorm-room-style buildings, which will help our young people have an affordable place to live without having to stay in their parents’ house or leave. Look! We totally would’ve loved this.”
I look up as he turns the picture toward me. It’s a floor plan for a two-bedroom suite with a communal living area between them. “Ideal. Amazing.”
“Too bad it’s still like eight years off or some shit. I guess building islands takes time.”
I laugh under my breath.
“So yeah, one building of sixty dorms, so that’s like a hundred and twenty people! That’s awesome. There will be some apartment buildings, duplexes, and single-family homes on the rest of the island. This one is entirely residential, too. No guest area at all.”
“I don’t mind the guest area here. They’re always respectful.”
“Yeah. Okay, so next is… Oh, this is a good one. Mr. Jorganson’s cat has had kittens under Mr. Donnylor’s porch and there’s now a custody battle over who owns the kittens—Mr. Jorgranson because it’s his cat who birthed the kittens or Mr. Donnylor because the kittens were born on his property.”
“Okay, first, the cat owns the kittens. Neither of them did the work of conceiving, carrying, and birthing them. Second, if the place where someone is born dictates who ‘owns’ them, then there’s a problem.”
“Exactly. That’s just your birthplace.”
“So the kittens’ nationality is Donnylorian. But he has no legal right to them.” I shrug.
“We should totally be on the jury for this case. Next up is Frank’s Housing Supply has just received a large shipment of new furnishings. The store will be open on Monday.”
“I think we should check it out. Dream about the kinds of things we’d furnish our dorm with.”
Cash sighs. “I really wish there was a shorter time frame for this island,” he says wistfully. “I don’t hate living with my parents, but I’d give my pinky toe to get away from Benson.”
“When’s he leaving?”
“Let’s be real here,” Cash says, setting the newsletter in his lap. “He’s not going anywhere until someone gets sick of his shit and forces him out. He doesn’t have the money. He has no prospects once he leaves Kala—he has no talent, despite his big head. He’s here. Period.”
“Then we move to Keone Reef at the first chance.”
Cash sighs again. “I think we need a market survey to determine how long that’s going to be. On my salary alone? There’s no way in hell I could afford anything. Now, if there were like, six of me? There’s a chance that someone might take the risk.”
“Your pay that low?”
“I’m guessing it’s about where yours is.”
I frown. “Fair enough.”
“So we’d need a three-bedroom house with three couples to be able to carry the cost of living. But honestly, that’s a lot ofbodies under one roof. I think it would be uncomfortable. None of us would have a truly private living situation.”
“Yep. That sucks,” I agree.
“Anyway. Next is about the new menu at Pixl Latte, which, I might add, has a fresh coat of mint-green paint. That was where everyone came in the middle.”
