Chapter One
ELIJAH “LIE” CAIN
February
I measurethe length of crocheted fabric against my arm. Hmm. Now that I’m holding it up, I can stick my arm into it like a sleeve. I might giggle a little. Just a little. I can’t help it. I’m always going to be a twelve-year-old at heart with my fascination with all things penis enduring.
Did I maybe find this pattern on a website that had a dozen different options and purchase them all? I’m not saying I did, or I didn’t, but I do have a gym bag filled with crocheted cocks under my bed. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with them. As with the rest of my growing collection of cockerabilia, it’s hidden throughout my room.
My dad would laugh. I know he would. I’ve shown him some things, and he thought they were hilarious. My mother? Nope. Not impressed. The number of times I’ve heard,“Lie. You’re never going to find a girlfr—partner, if you can’t act your age.”
Yes, six years after confirming I’m gay and my mother still can’t stop ‘forgetting’ or ‘slipping up.’ It’s getting obnoxious, but meh. She’s a good mother otherwise.
Though her sense of humor isn’t that of a twelve-year-old boy, so yep, hidden cockerabilia all over my room. Someday when I’m able to afford my own place or a place with a friend, there will be dicks everywhere.
Anyway, another inch or so. This crochet dick is going to be long. I’ve recently begun trying my hand at ‘tattooing’ and ‘piercing’ them, which means I’m finding actual examples of both and using embroidering thread to put them on the dick. That’s why I’m starting with larger-than-life crochet dicks. It’ll be easier for me to figure out the best way to make this happen.
A door closes in the distance and then the sound of fabric over the microphone. “Back.”
“What did you do?” I ask.
I can practically hear Cash’s snicker when he says, “I locked the outside doors. It pisses Ben off because the stupid idiot head can’t be bothered to bring his key when he leaves the house.”
I laugh. “Isn’t he just in the garage?”
“Yep. If he’s going to be a jerk all the time, at least I’m giving him a justifiable reason now.”
When I was young, I always wished I had a sibling. I used to beg my parents for one all the time. I used to be so jealous of Cash and Benson. At the time, they got along great.
Then Cash came out and Benson turned into the biggest asshole. It makes no sense at all. They’re raised by gay parents. We live on a gay island chain resort. We’re literally surrounded by gay people, which, until that point, Benson had been fine with.
Apparently, it’s only fine until his brother comes out as gay. The chip on Ben’s shoulder has only gotten bigger and more infected with time. The nastiness tends to remain focused onCash, but occasionally it will spread further out. His sole goal in life is to leave the Isle of Kala and gay capital of the world forever.
I’ve done that. It’s not pretty. But I suppose if you’re straight and turning into a hateful bigot, Ben might blend right in. At least, in my short experience, that seems to be the case.
“Listen to this,” Cash says, and I hear theshhhpof his window rising. Immediately lyrics filter in.
“I can be your breath
And you can be my daydream.
I can be your heartbeat
And you can be my sweet dream.
This could be us
But you’re too busy screaming.
You could be my life
You could be my lover
Instead, we’re passing in the night
Forever staying out of reach
Forever just another could be.]
