There’s a lot of confusion about what defines an intimate moment. It’s so closely tied in with sex that people automatically assume that’s all intimacy is.
They’re wrong. I’ve had sex many times. And no matter how much I loved the man I was with at the time—Jash because anyone else after him had only been to confirm that I didn’t like other people’s hands on me—this moment feels so much deeper than sex ever has. I almost feel our connection as if it were a physical manifestation. Wrapping around us. Securing us together. Tying our hearts together.
We’re not physically touching much. There are heaps of clothing separating our bodies. And yet, I feel Julian White everywhere.
Our lips come apart and hover together as we share the air between us. “Thank you,” I whisper, repeating my words. I’m not sure I can express just how much this means to me.
“You might thank me less when I tell you I packed your bag while you slept,” he says with a grin. My cheeks heat when I think about what he might have found in my sock drawer. “I didn’t go through the toiletry bag because it felt a little too personal, so if you’re out of anything or removed something when you unpacked your bags, we can replace it when we stop for the night. I packed for cooler weather since it’s still April, though it seems you brought clothing for a more southern climate.”
He’s amused as he notes this. “I honestly don’t know why I left the warm clothes at home. I guess I somehow thoughtChicago was closer to the equator than it is, which is kind of silly in retrospect.”
Julian kisses my nose, and we watch the sun continue to come up.
There have been very few times in my life when I’ve been able to turn my mind off completely. Usually, there’s always something I’m thinking of, even if it’s just a feeling. But as I watch the sunrise, wrapped in a blanket in Julian’s arms, I’m not thinking of anything at all. I’m only enjoying the moment. Getting lost in the sun’s rays. Sharing this moment in time with the man I’m convinced I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
I never knew how quickly the sun moved. I suppose, more accurately, it’s the Earth moving, but that doesn’t truly change how it looks. The sun rises rapidly. The colors in the sky fade and blend and bleed outward until the muted watercolors disappear entirely and we’re left with a blue sky.
Julian takes out one of each of the glass containers from the box and hands them to me. I watch as he writes ‘Lake Michigan’ and then the date below it on each. He hands me the stickers, and I place one on each of the jars.
“Ready to walk the sands of Lake Michigan?” he asks.
“Definitely,” I say.
“You feeling awake now?”
“Fifty-five percent.”
Julian laughs.
We climb out of the back, and I watch as he pulls two jackets from the heaps of blankets. It’s only now that I’m far more awake than I had been when we first climbed into the trunk that I see it’s not just pillows and blankets stacked in a nest.
I see our suitcases. There’s a cooler. There are more lumps pushed against the back of the front seats under the blankets, but I’m not sure what they are.
“How long have you been awake?” I ask as he holds open his jacket for me to slip into.
“I actually packed your suitcase yesterday while you were in the shower,” he says, giving me a sly look. “Then hid it in my closet where I had everything stacked in a corner, waiting for you to be asleep.”
“Wow. Sneaky.”
Julian gives me a wide smile. “I really wanted to surprise you, and I knew if I told you to pack a bag, you’d guess that something was up.”
Once he’s tucked into his jacket as well and we have the glass containers in our pockets, he shuts the trunk. Before he can walk away, I step into him and wrap my arms around his neck.
We’ve never shown any PDA beyond the occasional holding of hands. I’m not sure how he feels about it. I’m definitely not one to practice it much. But right now, I need to hug him. I need him to understand in a way that I can’t possibly put into words just how much this means to me. There will never be enough ways to express it.
His lips and his nose brush against my cheek as he pulls me against him. “Happy?” he murmurs.
I nod. It’s difficult not to get choked up. Jash was a good first boyfriend, and he certainly had his sweet moments—which is kind of impressive when you think about it, since we were little more than kids—but I feel like I’m finally living my life as an adult. In an adult relationship, with adult feelings and overwhelming emotions I’m not sure what to do with.
Julian keeps me in his arms until I pull away. I want to thank him again, but I’m afraid it’s going to sound repetitive, so I don’t. He takes my hand, and we follow the path down to the beach.
“I’m dubbing these our sand shoes and socks,” Julian says. “I have fresh ones already set aside in the car for us to changeinto before we head out. No one wants to sit around with sand between their toes all day.”
I smile. I can’t believe he thought of that. I’m not sure I would have.
“We’ll have to make this trip again someday, when it’s warmer,” Julian says while I’m bent over at the edge of the water, trying to get some into the vial without it filling with sand, too. “Then you can stick your feet in the lakes. I think I should have brought us rain boots. That’ll be our first purchase.”
“This is perfect,” I assure him as I stand. I didn’t manage to keep the sand out, but I’m not upset with that.
