“We’re taught without words that we don’t belong here. There were days when I was a kid that I felt I needed to work twice, even three times as hard to get myself beyond the red line and open some doors. Having to fight so hard to get where I am is part of the reason I ask myself what I can do and not how to get others to work with me.”
“I imagine that’s been a struggle.”
I shrug. “It has been, but I’m here and I work hard to make sure I play well. However, it doesn’t matter how well I play. It doesn’t matter ifI amcaptain material. Right now, I’m everyone’s equal, but the minute I’m seen as better than someone else, the entire dynamic changes and that respect can go right out the door.”
“I would never let this team disrespect you, Julian. Your goals this season alone are evidence enough that you’re more than pulling your weight.”
“With all due respect, Coach, you can’tmakesomeone respect you. Trying will only cause a bigger disconnect.”
Coach inclines his head. “Understood. Please know that you’ve been a great asset to this team this year. I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do next year.”
Do I take that as I’m not being traded? You know what? I’m not even going to ask. Coach might not know anyway. “Thank you.”
“Get out of here. Get some rest. Two more games left this year. Let’s see if we can end this season on a win.”
I get to my feet. “Got it. Thanks, Coach.”
“Good game tonight,” Coach says again as I leave his office.
That felt weird. Was that a pep talk of ‘I want you to be captain, but I need you to start rallying your team?’ I have no aspirations to be captain. I’d rather keep my head down and play.
But for now, it’s time to speed through stripping out of these damn pads so I can wash and get to Arush. He’s going to be waiting in my car for ages at this point. I can’t wait to hold his hand on the drive home.
The thought alone has me smiling as I peel my pads from my sweaty body.
CHAPTER 24
ARUSH
Chicago closesthe season with six losses in a row. That’s rough. I talked to Julian this morning before he left his hotel room in L.A., and he didn’t seem to be in bad spirits. More than anything, he wanted to come home.
I haven’t spoken to him since, but he sent me a text an hour ago telling me they were at the airport and he’d be home soon. From the airport, they take a bus back to the arena where their cars are.
He’s only been gone for three nights. In the bigger picture, it’s not that long. We’ve had much longer times apart and still not as long as Julian says some of their away stretches can be. He just had a stretch of six away games with a single home game smack in the middle of the stretch. For just over two weeks, he was away more than he was home.
In that time, I spent as much time online with my friends as the time difference would allow and spoke to my father often. I spent a lot of time with Ellie and Paul, as well as Skylar. I even started working out in the gym with the roommates from the fourth floor, Tobias and James. It makes all the difference having people in the building to hang out with.
But more than anything, I’m excited for Julian to get home. Tomorrow he has a local hockey thing that he’ll be at for most of the morning, but after, he doesn’t have any commitments. That means we’re spending the next several months together. Just him and I.
This is the real deal. If we’re going to work together, this will be the time we’ll figure that out.
In a way, it’s even more nerve-wracking than getting on the plane in India. It feels like I have a taste of how good we can be together and now, it’s a matter of learning whether that’s a vision that’s been constructed in my mind because I want it, or if it’s reality and the direction we’re heading.
During the days he’s been away, I’ve done a lot of domestic things like washing the bedding and the towels. I studied recipes online and have made or prepped a bunch of snacky, ‘game-day’ foods because I thought it would be fun to have a snack night for dinner.
I appreciate that Julian installed a few delivery apps on my phone so I can schedule grocery deliveries. The idea of trying to get a ride to the grocery store and then home again with bags of groceries in a city that I’m unfamiliar with was slightly terrifying.
The weather is just starting to turn nice, and I think we have plans to explore a bit locally over the next couple of weeks.
I’ve been pacing in front of the entryway when I hear the lock. My feet freeze, and I spin around, my heart in my throat. Even though I know it must be Julian, there’s always that moment of unease when I think someone could be breaking in. Not because that’s happened in the condo or that I’ve had any indication that home invasion is running rampant in Chicago. It’s a byproduct of being alone in a city I’m largely unfamiliar with.
The door opens, and my breathing stutters as I look at Julian for the first time in several days. He’s looking down as he steps forward, but his eyes rise and meet mine once he crosses the threshold. I love the way his shoulders seem to relax and the smile that spreads across his face. Does he know my heart races every time I look at him? It definitely does.
Julian steps inside and closes the door. He reaches for me, and I’m immediately wrapped up in his arms, the very place I never want to leave.
“I missed you,” he murmurs, making my heart flutter even more.
“Missed you too,” I answer, hugging him a little tighter.
