Mom doesn’t answer, but I can see her unimpressed expression. My heart races at the idea and yet, I’ve had that thought myself. Jash and I loved to hang out. We loved to cuddle, and I believe we really did love each other. But he was a horny guy who wanted to touch and fuck and I… wasn’t.
Weweren’tmeant for each other. That’s not one of us not liking the window coverings. Sex isn’t something easily compromised on and the longer we were together, the more obvious it became that maybe loving each other just wasn’t enough.
“Are you still going to be friends with him now?” Sona asks.
I nod. “Yeah. It was six years ago and we’re both happy. I know it’s easier to say now that years have passed than it would have been then, but we’re much better friends than we were partners.”
Sona doesn’t like my answer. Actually, I’m not sure anyone likes my answer. Only Dad has the hint of a smile on his face.
“I’m glad things are going well for you,” Ishika says. “You’re happy now, and that’s what matters.”
“I am,” I agree. The smile on my face doesn’t need to be forced.
“Does that mean we get to meet Julian this summer?” Kiaan asks.
Promising something I haven’t talked about with Julian feels really heavy. I don’t want to commit him to anything without asking. We’re not at that point in our relationship, and honestly, I’m not sure I’d ever do that.
“Maybe,” I answer. “We haven’t talked about this summer more than in broad terms yet, so we’ll see what the plan is.”
“Does he have hockey this summer?” Sona asks.
I shake my head. “I think he has a few hockey related commitments, though I don’t really know what that means. Hockey camp doesn’t begin until the end of summer, early fall, though.”
“And you said his last game is coming up?” Kiaan asks.
I’m afraid to answer this question. “Yes. In eleven days.”
He nods and I get the distinct impression that he’s planning something. I press my lips together, but movement on the television catches my attention from the corner of my eye. “Game is starting again,” I say, and turn the laptop to face the television.
The third period goes much like the first two. It’s not pretty. There are like three people on the team who seem to be making a solid impact on attempts at goal, but otherwise, Chicago looks like a hot mess.
As I sink into the couch and watch from behind my splayed fingers over my face, I can’t help but wonder why they’d been so damnonduring their recent games against Arizona and Anaheim to score seven goals each game to follow it up with a loss by shutout the very next game? Then they go on to win a game 5-2.
Sometimes they’re really decent. But sometimes, they’re a train wreck. Julian says that unless Arizona truly fucks up, Chicago will place eighth in the division. Last.
That has to sting.
The Chicago Breeze lose to the Minnesota Firebirds 4-0. I end the call with my family and get ready for bed, so I’m waiting by the door when Julian gets home. He doesn’t say anything as he pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly.
I fumble behind his back to make sure the door is locked before picking him up the way he did me several weeks ago. I’m rewarded with a puff of quiet laughter as I wrap his legs around my waist and carry him down the hall.
While I’d like to just get him into bed, I know he needs to get out of his suit. So I set him down and let him go about his routine. He does so in silence. When we finally climb into bed, I grip him tightly and hold him close until he falls asleep.
I imagine it’s tough playing eighty-something games and working your ass off to be the last team in the standings at the end of it. That has to be difficult. I wish I knew how to take that frustration away.
For now, all I can do is hold him and hope that’s enough for tonight.
CHAPTER 21
JULIAN
I don’t spenda lot of time utilizing all the amenities the building offers, but since the night is relatively warm, dry, and clear, I thought maybe I’d take Arush to the roof. We have a huge, thick blanket and there are heat lamps.
We haul out the cushions for one of the large, round chairs and curl up under the stars. I downloaded an app on my tablet that I can point at the sky and it’ll tell me what constellations I’m seeing and the stars that make it up.
It’ll also identify planets, any space stations that are moving by overhead, and, if I’m not mistaken, we should be able to see Jupiter tonight.
If I had to stretch the progression of our relationship on a line graph from when we met to where we’ll be in the future, I’m not sure where we fall right now. I think we’re still somewhere very near the beginning, where we’re still incredibly unsure about… everything.
