“Does he know that you’re a pro hockey player?” Keno asks.
“I don’t know. It hasn’t come up, and I didn’t offer that information,” Horny says. “Should I?”
“No,” Keno, Lo, and Caulder say at the same time. I laugh at the chorus, imagining Horny shrinking back from their louder tones.
“Okay, I won’t,” Horny says. “I didn’t think I should.”
“I’m going to give you some advice,” Lo says. “When choosing who to hook up with, I suggest a series of non-specific probing questions that ultimately lead to gaining information on whether they’re hockey fans. If you have any indication they are, block them and move on.”
“Is that how you played the game?” Keno asks teasingly.
“It is. If for any reason it sounded like they’re hockey fans, I instantly blocked. No further questions. No explanation. Just block. If you want to keep a secret, you take as much risk out of the equation as possible.”
“To be clear, there’s no shame in experimenting with men,” Caulder says. “But I’m not sure a media parade following you around and asking you inappropriate questions is going to allow you to explore in peace the way you’d like to. It has a way of taking your control away.”
The media definitely has a way of fucking with people. Caulder should know. There was some major baby mama drama that he was roped into unfounded, and it got big and ugly. While he claims that’s not the reason he ended up coming out, I think it definitely had something to do with it. As he said, media circuseshave a way of taking your control and putting a situation out of your hands.
“I know,” Horny says. “I’m being careful.”
“Good to hear,” Hilt says.
“I’m meeting him again next week,” Horny confides. “I might touch him. You know, a handie or something.”
I smile. It takes a lot of bravery to explore something about yourself when you’re aware of the nasty world around you and their unasked for unwelcome opinions. I think it’s far easier to remain in the lane they set for you than to allow yourself some vulnerability.
I’m really proud of Horny for having the confidence in himself to try things and answer the questions inside him.
“We’re heading to Vondyl, yeah?” Horny asks, his way of saying he’s finished with this subject. He wanted to confide in us, but he doesn’t want to fully examine anything about his situation. That’s cool.
“Yep. Everyone ready?” Hilt asks.
“Ready,” I agree and try not to concentrate on the way Arush is surrounding me, kissing me, or the way his heartbeat feels like an echo of my own.
CHAPTER 20
ARUSH BAKSHI
I always tryto text Julian during his games now. Ever since he told me it motivates him to know I’m thinking of him and watching his games, I make a point to do so. Usually, I wait for him to make a goal or something exciting to happen that involves him. Contrariwise, I may wait until he’s been wrongfully penalized or slammed hard into the board.
This game has been… not great. I don’t know hockey well. Still. I think it’s going to take me more than a season to figure it out entirely. But somehow, I can tell when the game isn’t going to end on a positive note.
Or on a note at all. Sometimes the game goes downhill from the moment the first puck drops. This is one of those games. Chicago is all over the place and never where anyone is needed. I can practically feel their frustration through the screen.
Weird thing is that I feel like most of them are actually trying. Like, they all have an idea, but they’re all different ideas and none of them align. Even the commentators are feeling it and pointing it out.
I’ve heard disjointed, wrong plays, absent, no communication. While I find I’m usually rolling my eyes at the judgy commentators who sit in a box somewhere and passjudgment when they’re not the ones playing the game, I find tonight that I’m nodding along. I can see all those things as if they’re hanging over everyone’s head.
In the middle of the second period, I’m spinning my phone between my fingers, wondering what I could text that would be helpful. What can I send that’s going to be motivating?
I glance to my right where my laptop usually is while my friends watch with me. They’re not here tonight. Jash and Chaaya are celebrating Chaaya’s sister’s birthday with a large morning meal. Alok is talking to his father about a potential match this morning, which I’m dying to know about.
Secretly, I always thought the brothers were gay. They’ve never shown any interest in women. But, having said that, they’ve also never shown any interest in men, either. I’m not sure where this is going to go, but I’m definitely curious.
I’m not sure where Anil is. Maybe he’s with Alok in the potential match meeting.
Since my friends couldn’t make it to watch this game, I asked my parents and all my siblings if they wanted to tune in the way my friends usually do. I was shocked that literally all of them agreed that they’d like to.
Maybe it’s a sign that they miss me.
