Arush gives me a skeptical look. “All right,” he hedges.
I smile. “Cooking isn’t scary. I promise.” With garlic and ginger in front of me and standing beside Arush so I can offer him support, I look at the recipe. “One teaspoon of ground coriander.”
In the corner of my eye, I watch as he reads all the handles of the spoons and then the little containers. He’s incredibly precise when he measures out his teaspoon.
“Half a teaspoon of turmeric.”
He changes spoons and spices while I slide my garlic cutter over the now crushed garlic and peeled ginger until they’re both minced.
We go through the cumin, paprika, chili powder, cinnamon, salt, and pepper while I add my ginger and garlic. I finish it up with the juice of half a lemon. Then I hand Arush a pair of kitchen gloves and tell him to mix it all together, coating the chicken thoroughly.
Once more, his eyes get wide. “Really? I have to touch it?”
I laugh. “With gloves.”
Doubtfully, he puts the gloves on and I watch his face as he slowly sticks his hands into the bowl. He makes a gagging face, his shoulders tensing, as he mixes the contents. “This is the absolute most disgusting feeling I’ve ever felt,” he says.
Cooking with Arush is going to be a lot of fun. Just wait until we have to stuff a bird or something.
CHAPTER 10
ARUSH
His handin mine is warm. I keep thinking mine is sweaty, which gives me the heebie-jeebies. I’m a little mortified that he’s holding my sweaty hand.
It’s beenyearssince I’ve held someone’s hand. Since Jash, probably. I’ve been thinking about it and I think he’s been the one and only actual boyfriend I’ve had. There had been others after him, but I wouldn’t consider them boyfriends. They were hookups because that’s what I thought I should be doing.
Even in gay culture, there are a lot of expectations on what it means to be gay. I’ve seen the good and the bad from all kinds of people online. I try to remind myself now that these so-called influencers aren’t really a great representation of what everyday life looks like. Are they an ideal?
No. I think they’re just thirst traps. They’re looking to lure you in to sign up for their sexy channels. I admit I’ve been lured into a few on occasion. Sex looks fun, but I’d much rather watch than be a part of it.
That being said, I’ve never watched in person. I think that would be far too awkward.
My point is, there are a lot of different opinions about what a future is supposed to look like for me. In so much ofthe world, India included, the future you aim for is marriage, children, a home, a career. I’ve since seen that’s been called heteronormative expectations.
Reading it makes me feel like if I want that, maybe I’m wrong.
I’ve seen the arguments that hookups are very normal. Going straight to sex in a relationship is very normal. Polyamorous relationships are very normal.
That’s all well and good, but I think these people touting this horn as what’s actually lived don’t realize there are a ton of dubbed cishet people that are also subject to the same stereotypes, right? My baby sister was bemoaning not long ago about how she’s supposed to live up to the same tired pattern that the rest of the world is when maybe that’s not what she wants.
I don’t think heteronormative lifestyles are the problem. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation at all. It’s a mass organized, religion-based, conservative societal expectation, regardless of class, gender, race, orientation, ordifferentreligion. There are people of all walks of life that don’t want to conform to the narrative of the epitome of a successful life being family and children.
I believe that the true source of these narratives is monogamous-normative majority touting under the religious flag. Anything outside of that is seen as wrong and taboo.
So there are people all over the world in every culture stating that we’re tired of being pushed into the cishet agenda when other cishet people are also stuck under those same expectations when maybe they don’t want to be either.
As with most things in life, people should just mind their own business. Who cares if I’m a gay man and I want to get married? Does that mean I’m doing it wrong? What if my sister—a straight woman—wants two boyfriends and a husband? Is she beingstraight wrong? It’s frustrating when people from all walks of life have to poke at those who aren’t like them, forgetting that maybe they’re victims too.
I follow just as many gay couples and families as I do clickbait gay men and I can tell you that polyamory isn’t the end all for all gay men. Neither are immediate hookups. I listen to some of these guys online complaining about the LGBTQIA+ community being stuffed into lifestyle expectations of straight people, and that’s not how it works.
Sure, but I think they also need to stop talking abouteveryoneunder those labels. I follow real-life couples and families and I can tell you theywantmarriage and children. They want a happy home life with just a single other person.
I learned early on that voices from inside my own community can be just as toxic as those on the outside. Those people who call themselves victims of such heteronormative agendas are now doing the same thing for their own community—placing expectations where they don’t need to be.
“Are you going to be okay?” Julian asks.
I nod.
