“I know what it’s like not finding the kind of person you’re compatible with.”
“I’m sure you do,” he says. “I think for a lot of people, watching someone touch themselves makes them want to get involved.”
“Exactly that.”
“Let’s talk more in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“Do you feel better now, knowing where I’m at?”
“Much better.”
“Good. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“I know.”
He squeezes my hand once more before letting it go and getting to his feet. I watch him disappear down the hall. A minute later, I head into my bedroom. As soon as the door is shut, I turn around and lean back against it, letting my head fall backward with a quietthump.
That went well. Right? It did. Idofeel a lot better now. I’m not sure that would pass as a profession of love, but… it still feels like maybe we got somewhere tonight.
Pushing myself from the door, I head into the attached bathroom and get ready for bed. As I’m climbing in, I decide that maybe I don’t want to sleep in here tonight. Would Julian let me sleep in his room instead? Is that pushing it?
Chewing my lip, I debate whether I want to give it a try. In the end, I decide that I’m not a fan of sleeping in this dark, quiet, cold room. There’s no color here. It feels so chilly and clinical.
I open my door and stop in his open doorway. He’s not in the room. Probably still in the bathroom, so I wait. I’m not there long when the bathroom door opens, and he steps out in pajama pants and a sleeveless shirt. His eyes immediately meet mine.
“Everything okay?”
I nod and then wonder how I’m supposed to ask.Can I sleep with you?Kind of sounds juvenile, no? My eyes flicker to his bed and back to his. I’m relieved when he looks amused and gestures to the bed.
I’m going to interpret that as an invitation and cross the room to climb in. Much better. I roll over to face him as the lights go out.
“Goodnight, Arush,” he says quietly.
My heart flutters. “Goodnight, Julian.”
CHAPTER 9
JULIAN
I’msure there’s a reason why there are some years and some teams you can be traveling for almost a month on a streak of away games and then other times, you go away for a single night to a single game. These days, I’m sure there’s a program that randomizes the lineup, but sometimes I think about earlier in the league’s history. Who sat down and created the schedule for thirty-plus teams? How long did it take them? How many people did it take?
There are times I think people don’t understand how much easier they have it with the help of computers. What had once taken people hours and days can now happen in minutes. Take printing books, for example. One manuscript written on a typewriter and maybe accepted by a printer.
I’ve seen those printing presses. There’s no easy way to create a 300-page book on a printing press. I always marvel at the efficiency that people managed a hundred years ago given the tools that they had. Now, we’re always in such a hurry waiting for a program to compute whatever equation they’re waiting for. As if they could do it faster themselves.
I unzip the garment bag and pull out the suit to examine. This includes a couple of deep inhales to make sure it doesn’t smell. It’s not bad, but I think I need a fresh one.
I hang the garments on the back of my closet door and go through the dozen suits to choose a different one. We’re heading to Carolina, so I choose lighter material but keep it in the blues. I look pretty good in a blue suit.
Arush is standing in the doorway with the laundry basket when I come back into my bedroom. I smile at how unsure he looks. I’m not sure he’s carried a laundry basket in his life.
When he sees me smile, he comes into the room and sets the basket on the bed beside my garment bag. It’s filled with socks, underwear, pajamas, and gym clothes, which seem to be my day-to-day clothing. Hey, they’re comfortable and I spend a lot of time keeping up my reflexes and shit.
When you’re traded two times in two years, you can’t help but be a little self-conscious that maybe it’syouthat’s the problem.
I didn’t need the laundry from the laundry room to pack, but since Arush brought it in, I’ll use the contents there.
