Julian isn’t gay, apparently. He’s just oblivious and didn’t read the name of the damn site correctly. There’s a word for that. When your brain arranges letters to form a word you expect to see. He was looking for mail and… I suppose I can see that mistake being made easily enough. And sure, if it happened to someone else, I might even find it a little bit funny.
I find it less funny right now because it feels like my future is suddenly on thin ice and it’s cracking. I had all these imaginings of years from now. The things we’d see, the places we’d go, the memories we’d make. Now I can’t even be sure what’s going to happen tomorrow. The bubbling emotions in me bring tears to my eyes.
How could this go so horribly wrong?
I’d thought the lack of pictures on profiles was a good thing. I’d liked the philosophy of falling in love with a person. Makinga connection based on common wants, goals, and needs, as opposed to how someone looks.
Apparently, there’s a drawback. I wonder how often this happens. There’s no way this is the first and only time, right? Yeah, it’s definitelynotfunny.
We wait silently at the luggage carousel. It takes me a minute to realize that he doesn’t know what my luggage looks like and while I’m ready to call my father and ask for some advice while I fight back tears in an airport bathroom stall, I can’t do that.
I’m twenty-five. I made this decision all on my own and now I need to see it through. No matter what that means. Even if that means going home with my proverbial tail between my legs and admitting to my father that I really fucked up.
I leave my carry-on beside Julian when I see one of my large suitcases. He’s at my side as soon as I begin pulling it off the belt. My second and third are right behind it. Together, we manage to rescue all three without having to chase them.
“This is all of them,” I say.
Julian inclines his head and manages to take all three as he leads me to the door. I’m trailing behind, more unsure with each step. My thoughts almost freeze when the automatic doors open and a cold blast of wind comes at me. I shiver, turning my face away.
“Come here,” Julian says.
Glancing up, squinting through the tears in my eyes at the bitter cold, I find Julian at the side of the doors, just inside. I follow as he shrugs out of his jacket and holds it open for me. I meet his eyes, my breath feeling stuck for just a second.
Without a word, I set my backpack at my feet and slide my arms into the sleeves of his jacket. It’s warm with his body heat and instantly thaws me. Without meaning to, I close my eyes as I wrap it tighter over my chest. Much better.
When I meet Julian’s eyes again, he’s looking at me with a small smile. Amused maybe. I feel a blush heating my cheeks. Maybe because I just kind of embarrassed myself, but also maybe because he has a beautiful smile. Even a tiny one like that.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod. “Thank you.”
He mimics my nod, and once again leads me outside. It’s still icy, especially when the wind blows, but his jacket certainly helps block it. I don’t feel that chill in my bones anymore.
He’s parked in a parking garage and we load my luggage into the back of his SUV. He’s gentlemanly and opens my door for me before rounding the car to climb inside. The heat immediately comes on and I’m ridiculously thankful for it.
We drive in silence. I’m chewing the inside of my lip so much that there’s a chance it might be raw by the time we get to his house.
“Are you hungry?”
I shake my head. “No,” I answer, my voice only barely above a whisper.
“How was the food on the plane?”
“Incredible,” I admit. “Really good. The whole experience was really pleasant. Thank you for the upgraded accommodations.”
I receive another small smile. “You’re welcome. It’s a long flight. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
My chest tightens. He didn’t want his futurewifeto be uncomfortable. “Julian?”
He glances at me.
“Just so you know, I’m still the same person you chose.”
He sighs and once more, that small smile touches his lips. “I know, Arush.”
But does he?
CHAPTER 5
