I laugh. I’m so relieved to see him in better spirits. I imagine it’s just a distraction and he’ll remember Trevor again far before he needs to, but I’m going to try to keep this mood for as long as I can. He doesn’t deserve to stress about this man.
“I call him Daddy sometimes,” Alka says.
“You do not,” Ruby insists.
“I do. He can get bossy in the bedroom. Don’t worry; I love it.”
Ruby’s face scrunches, but he’s laughing. “Anyway,” he insists, “what do you want to do about his birthday? A party?”
Alka hums. “I don’t know, but does the age gap actually bother you?”
Ruby shakes his head. “No? I don’t think it does, but I guess I didn’t realize that he’s almost forty.”
“Not that I want to get into anything heavy right now, but it’s a good time to think about it,” I say.
He sighs. “I think if it were going to bother me, it already would have.”
“Since we’re talking about some less lighthearted things, how do you feel about starting a conversation about the future?” Alka asks.
Ruby shifts so he can look at us both better. “I’m guessing you mean a more distant future than next week?” he teases.
I’m glad he’s not feeling pressured right now.
“Yes. We’ve talked a lot in abstract, as if these family goals and stuff are far off.Some day. But we’ve been talking about it seriously, and we want you to be a part of that conversation.”
Ruby stares at Alka for a minute before his eyes meet mine. “What kinds of things?”
“You know that I was having a little existential crisis over kids when we met,” Alka says.
“Were you?” I ask, frowning.
Alka grin. “I was afraid you were right about it being just another reason to put off trying to meet someone, but we’ve already talked about it since then.”
We have, but the idea that it might still bother him doesn’t sit well.
“The point is, we’re ready for kids. We’ve been together for ten years, married for eight. And… You’re here. Finally. I get that I’m rushing things with you a little by including you in this conversation, but I also don’t want you to feel like we’re not taking your feelings into consideration. We want to know where you sit on family.”
Ruby continues to stare silently, his eyes moving between us. “I don’t know,” he says. “Yes, I want kids, but I guess I don’t know if I want them now.”
“Okay,” Alka says, and like me, I don’t think he knows where to go with that.
“It’s not an overnight process,” I say. “We’re still researching our options, like adoption, fostering, and surrogacy. We might do a combination of all three.”
“But fostering to adopt. I can’t love a child and then have them taken from me,” Alka says, shaking his head.
Ruby shakes his head too. “Oh no. That would be a special kind of torture.”
“Disclaimer—I know that all kinds of fostering is important, but I know myself. I can’t do that.”
“I get that and definitely agree. I don’t think I could go through that. It takes a special kind of person to foster, and I don’t think I’m that person,” Ruby says.
“We can take that off the table,” Alka offers. “I’m okay with straightforward adoption and/or surrogacy.”
Ruby chews the inside of his lip.
“Not that we’re forcing you to be involved in this. We’re not pushing for you to be ready,” I add. Alka nods his head in agreement.
“There are some other things, too,” Alka says. “None of these things are immediate and will not be overnight. We’re talking in the next couple years. Oscar’s looking into options for expanding his business to create an adult film studio, sell products, hold workshops and maybe some courses. The plan is he’ll use our house, and we’re going to shop for a new one. One where we’ll raise our family. Still close to campus but probably notright heresince there aren’t any that match what we’re looking for.”
