“What were you doing to that pole? Should I warn your husband that you might have fallen in love with an inanimate object?”
“Are you kidding? He already knows. But seriously, look around. This is perfection.” Declan raises an eyebrow. “Freshly painted goalposts. Brand new nets. Lawn mowed to perfection so recently I can still smell the grass clippings. Lines repainted so they’re crisp and exact.”
“You need a minute alone, don’t you?”
I flash him another grin. “I was actually just appreciating that it’s the perfect weather for a first practice.”
“Why is it today and not tomorrow when classes officially begin?”
“I have eleven new players this year, Dec. That’s a third of my team. I need to see the skill level they’re coming in with. I need to see how my twenty returning players slacked off this summer. I need to judge the effort they put in. It’ll give me something to think about tonight as I modify practices for this fall.”
He’s watching me with a small smile that I can’t quite place. Not really amused but… admiration? I’m not sure he’s ever looked at me with admiration.
“You ever miss it?” Declan asks.
Did I miss the start of a different conversation? “Miss what?”
“Soccer. You used to play, right?”
“Ah. Yeah, I played in high school and college. I had a chance to go pro, but it didn’t work out.”
Declan nods. “Do you ever wish it had gone differently?”
I take a breath and look around. “I don’t know. I think it would have been amazing to play professionally, but had I gonedown a different path in life, I’d not have my husband. We wouldn’t have met, and I’m not sure I can bring myself to regret a path where we don’t meet.”
He nods. “I get that. I’m not sure I’d change anything about my life.” He pauses then shakes his head. “Actually, I would change how my brother and I treated Simon. If we’d have asked questions and just fucking listened to him, so much of the things he struggled with internally would have been worked out sooner.”
It takes me a minute to catch up. Because Declan and I have become pretty good friends over the last three years, I’ve also become friends with his household. Which means I’ve learned a lot about them. If I put the pieces of conversations together, I believe he’s talking about Simon not knowing that he’s asexual and having always thought he was broken while growing up because he didn’t like sex.
And Simon’s besties, the twins—Declan and Damon—were constantly talking about dick and sex which only subconsciously reinforced that he was broken.
At least, that’s what I think he’s talking about. It’s hard to say. His whole household is filled with as much crazy drama as it’s filled with love. Okay, drama might not be the word. Thinly disguised animosity that’s also barely covering up the fact that the twinsdon’thate Simon’s boyfriend at all. Yes, it’s as complicated as it sounds.
“Of course, I’d change the fight we had with Simon, too,” he says, then frowns. “But if that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be with Zarek right now.”
“That’s where I think you’re wrong. Zarek wasnevergoing to take no for an answer. He dug his math equations into you and wasn’t going to let you go.”
Declan grins.
I’m glad he has a fond memory of that, though I’m still a little bitter about losing Declan to Zarek. I’m not sure I ever actually had a chance with Declan. Yes, I wanted him from the moment Isaw him. As did a lot of guys on campus. But the flirty little player with more degrees than I can count, Zarek Weaver, somehow managed to win Declan over.
Nope, I’m not bitter at all. Not even when I have to see them together all over campus. It’s cute. That’s what it is.
“I guess the paths we chose are the ones that worked out the best for many reasons,” Declan says. “Though I’m still going to find it difficult tonotwish I could change that fight happening. Especially when I can still feel the remnants hanging around sometimes.”
I wrap my hand around his arm for a second. “I think you can still have some regrets and wish to be able to change some things without taking away from the blessings you have now. Of course you don’t want your best friend to hurt. Of course you’d have liked to be able to help him with something that he struggled with for years. Of course you don’t want to have gone through a months-long fight that caused a whole lot of misery for the three of you. None of those are unreasonable things to wish had been different.”
Declan nods his head minutely as he thinks about it. “Is that how you feel about soccer?”
“Yeah. I wish I could have had a chance at the pros but not at the expense of meeting my husband. I don’t want to live any version of my life that Oscar isn’t a part of.”
Declan smiles, turning his head to meet my eyes. “I actually understand that. I wish I could change all those things because Simon deserved better from us, but I don’t want to live a life where I’m not with Zarek and Damon’s not with Sage. We need them for so many reasons that aren’t just because we love them.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that the twins have a very strange relationship. One I don’t try to understand because I think I would obsess over it until it made sense. I’m not sure it’ll ever make sense.
“Welcome to being an adult in love,” I say. “Understandingthat it’s not just about love but about all the many ways a person can complete you. Or in some cases, multiple people.”
Declan tilts his head. “Yes. Like I have all these different sides with different patterns, and it takes a whole village to find the pieces that fit against them perfectly.”
