“I feel better about this discussion now that you’ve admitted as much. Yes, we can definitely talk about babies, but again, it’s not as simple as just deciding we’re going to do it.”
“I skipped biology, so please, husband, do explain.”
Oscar gently tugs on my hair, and I laugh. “I mean, we need to decide how. You want to talk about surrogacy or adoption? Do we want to seek out a private surrogate or go through an agency? If adoption, are you looking for only newborns or maybe a teen or an older child? Or maybe just foster for a while?”
The lights in the room get brighter, signaling the movie and its credits are over. According to the schedule, there’s half an hour before the next begins.
“I don’t know that I have a huge preference. I think I’d like at least one newborn to raise together, but adoption is a good thing too. I’m hesitant about fostering. I understand that foster homes are badly needed, but loving a child for a couple years, only to have them taken away, is not something I’m going to go through well. As much as kids need that safe space, I also need to protect my own mental health.”
“Understood, and I don’t necessarily disagree with your reasoning. Maybe we should start looking at different resources and avenues as our first step. You want to head to a tech hut and see what we can find?”
“Nah. We can wait ‘til we get home. I just wanted to open the dialogue now.”
“Okay, then since we’re talking about this, there’s something else we should discuss.”
“What’s that?”
Oscar sits up, so I follow. “My career. Maybe I need to consider retiring, which means I also need to begin looking at other ways to earn a living.”
“First, you can still be an influencer. That’s easy and doesn’t involve your dick. Second, I don’t think you need to give it up at all. We might need to be more cautious about the backyard and your studio. Or maybe get a second property that you use as your ‘office’ instead of our backyard. But there’s no reason you can’t continue.”
“You think it’s appropriate to raise kidsanddo porn?” he asks, raising a brow.
“I mean, not at the same time.”
Oscar huffs, trying not to laugh. I realize that maybe he’s a little unsure about this himself. It’s rare that I find my husband insecure about something.
I take his hand in mine, and he knows he’s been found out as he gives me a wan smile. “If this is a moral dilemma, I think that’s something you need to work through. We can talk about it as often as you want. I’m happy to give you my opinions, and we can work through the pros and cons and how you’re feeling about it. But I’m going to tell you right now that my job will interfere with raising our family far more than yours. You’re in charge of your own schedule. I have no control over mine, and I travel for games. I’m not ashamed of what you do, and neither are you.”
Oscar sighs. “It’s not often that I take into account other opinions outside of yours, but… I can only imagine what people are going to say.”
“The same thing they say about other jobs that they find tasteless, like waste management. They don’t want to have to go to the dump every week, but they look down on those who drive the trash trucks. They’re quick to bitch about the timeliness of apostal worker but are unwilling to do the same job. They don’t want to learn how to make cotton and everything that goes into it but want to buy that brand name shirt for $3. They want to shame sex workers as if they don’t have sex themselves. There’s always going to be someone who has a problem with what you do. That’s the world we live in. It’s literally impossible to mind your own fucking business these days.”
He'd been nodding along as I spoke, and when I stop, he squeezes my hand. “Thanks. I know. I just… I don’t want that to affect my kid. You know? I don’t ever want them to be put into a situation where what Daddy does is embarrassing or makes their life hell.”
“We’re going to teach them to have a quick mouth, thick skin, a sense of humor, and a better sense of morals than the people they’re going to meet. We’ve always talked about raising our kids in a body-positive environment. All bodies are beautiful. I guess I kind of assumed it would be a sex-positive environment as well. You know, age appropriate andnevera TMI thing, but an educational… uh… backdrop. Or something that sounds good.”
Oscar laughs. “Definitely. All that.”
“Then lesson one regarding work is that there’s nothing wrong with sex work. End of discussion.”
“I think the lesson will need to be expanded upon, but yeah. Good start.”
I grin. “You okay with that? You want to keep talking about it now? What’re you thinking?”
He takes a breath. “I guess I’m thinking I’m not necessarily ready to retire from it, but maybe I need to begin diversifying my income a little more, so I have streams that aren’t directly related to my dick. You know, set myself up for a future that may come at a point when or if I’m no longer comfortable raising a kid and fucking on camera.”
“That’s a good idea. I can get on board with that.”
Oscar leans in and kisses me. “Thanks. I appreciate the talk down.”
“That’s what we do best—talk until we find the solution.”
“I’m not going to agree that’s what we dobest,but we definitely have that skill down to a science.”
The lights dim again, and we get comfortable on the bed lounger. For a while, there’s a series of busy noises on screen before the trailers start. It doesn’t take me long to realize I’m not going to be able to sit through this entire movie. I’m feeling antsy.
“You mind if I head back to the bungalow?”
