“Of course.” I wait by the door as he delivers our food. It’s unnecessary, but when we’re here, I like to see them out.
He returns a minute later, and I thank him, shutting the door once he’s stepped outside again. A surge of salty sea air rushes through the bungalow, and I take a deep breath. There are days when I think living somewhere like this is in my future. I love island life. I love shutting out the ugliness of the world and existing in peace.
I head for the deck and pause in the open door. Alka is sitting in one of the chairs at the table. He has a leg pulled up, bent at the knee, as he stares down the beach at the water crashing on the shore. There’s already a couple of guys wandering around. I think I hear faint laughteras they pass.
Alka is almost always a happy, positive man. He’s quick to smile, ready to laugh, and loves to have a good time. It’s rare that I ever see him not smiling. That’s just not in his personality.
But something’s shifted in the last year and a half.
For as long as I’ve known my husband, he’s wanted to be a throuple. He’s always made an effort to keep an eye out for that perfect man his heart is waiting for. He’s dated a handful of guys since we’ve been together. Once, I even thought that he’d found the right one.
Over the last eighteen months, however, he’s stopped looking. He’s stopped commenting on people, which is something we’ve always enjoyed doing together—not in judgment but admiration. We love to look at beautiful people.
I think he’s given up looking for his second person, and it breaks my heart. Ever since the new guy at work chose someone else. That moment seemed to mark an end for him, as if that was his last chance and it didn’t go the way he wanted.
I don’t think it was the man himself since he and Declan are good friends. They hang out all the time. I know what my husband looks like when he pines. He pined after this guy when he initially met Declan Whitaker, a new athletic trainer on campus almost two years ago. I remember he was a little heartbroken that Declan didn’t return his feelings and a little irritated, frustrated, and hurt that Declan chose someone else on campus.
But Alka’s a good guy. I was unsurprised that he chose to remain friends with a man that he’d wanted to be with. They’re good friends now, and part of me thinks that Alka recognizes that this is always how their relationship was supposed to be.
That doesn’t change that it’s done something to my husband. He’s never said as much, but I think that might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. He’s done looking.
It hurts because I thinkhehurts. He’s a man filled with love, and since he was a kid, he’s known what he wanted and wherehe belonged. The kind of love and life he wanted to live. I hate that I can’t give that to him.
Sighing, I step out onto the deck. Alka shifts to look up at me with a smile. I examine his eyes, not for the first time, for signs of what I suspect. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, so maybe I see it and can’t recognize it.
“You ready to go?” Alka asks.
I lean down and kiss him, letting my lips linger on his for a minute. “Yes. After we eat.”
We scheduled a late breakfast. More of a brunch, really.
“Where you going?” Alka asks as I take a seat beside him.
“I guess there’s another island an hour northeast from Kala. It’s semi-private, and Ono has friends who own one of the houses and a small cove. We’re going to the cove,” I answer.
“Ah. So you’re leaving the island entirely.”
I lean closer to him and kiss his cheek. “I’d have to if I want to film.”
Alka tilts his head then grins. “Right. Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I remove the cover off one of the trays and set it in front of him. “What’re your plans for the day?”
He shakes his head and reaches for his fork. “Nothing. Might go to the library on Bane and see what they have.”
“These islands are filled with hundreds, maybe thousands, of hot men. You’re going to go to a library to read?”
“Maybe I have a library kink,” he suggests, giving me an amused look.
I sigh. For a minute, I take a few bites of this quiche. It’s really good. Then I take his hand, and Alka looks at me.
“I’m worried about you.”
He gives me another amused look. “Why?”
“You can’t meet someone if you don’t look for them.”
His amusement fades. Yep. There it is. A hint of sadness. He shakes his head and looks back at his food. I watch as he pops a strawberry in his mouth.
