I’m feeling a little sheepish when I say, “Yes, but I have a very big budget so while I felt it, I’m not begging for equipment or anything.”
“And that’s why you hated me,” he muses as if all the pieces just fell into place.
Sighing, I agree. “Yeah. I chose to blame you instead of just dealing with it. The thing is, I know what I’m good at. Asking strangers for money when I’m a very divisive individual isn’t a successful plan.”
“You don’t ask for it. You let your students be the faces. The money goes to benefit them.”
“Yes. I’ve recently had a lesson in asking for money. I have some ideas now but like, that shit would have been useful to know eons ago.”
“I bet someone would have told you if you’d asked.”
I give him a demure look, to which he grins.
“For the record, I’m sorry. For the way I treated you. Though I can’t say I’m sorry for kissing you and… all the other things. But I am sorry for always yelling at you like you were out to get me.”
He hums, a pleased smile on his lips. “Thank you,” he says. I expect more because I know I’d have a lot to say, but Hansley doesn’t expand. “I’m not sorry for you kissing me, either.”
“Really? Even though I wrecked your marriage?”
Hansley sighs. “You didn’t, though. Remember? Jess is totally willing to make this work. It’s me who’s not.”
I nod, trying to push the guilt away. No matter what he says, I definitely fucked up their marriage.
“Retiring changed me. Everything that came after that changed me. I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think that it’s entirely dependent on you, Lemon. I really do think that absolutely any path I chose after hockey was going to alter me in some way that made me grow independently from my wife and that was always going to end up in divorce. Even if I’d taken this job and you weren’t here, being at RDU was going to make me realize that maybe I’m not meant to be with a woman. Maybe I’m meant for a man.”
“Really?” I ask, skeptically.
He laughs. “Yes, really. I love Jess. I’m always going to love Jess. But…” Hansley trails off as he tries to think of the words he wants to say. “There’s something different about the feeling of this. The… Wow, I’ve never tried to say this out loud. Everyway I think of to say this sounds not how I mean it, but I can’t get the words right. Anyway, I’ve considered that maybe it’s just ayouthing. Me and you. And maybe it is. Maybe it’s just this thing between us specifically. But I think without you, I might not feelthiswhich would suck, but I think whatever path I went on would have been away from my wife and toward a man.”
“Weird,” I tease. “You’re a phantom gay.”
Hansley grins. “I’m going to pretend that’s a compliment.”
I laugh. “Didn’t know you wanted a man until you were surrounded by an entire rainbow of differences.”
He hums. “I suppose. I might be entirely wrong, though. The one thing I’m sure about is thatsomethingwas always going to put me on a path toward divorce. It’s not your fault. This was always going to be the result.”
“If it hadn’t been me kissing you, it’d be some other guy.”
“Maybe,” he says as his hand tangles in my hair and he brings my mouth to his. “But I also think that we’d have found each other, eventually.”
“We have nothing in common except our place of employment.”
“On paper, sure. But that doesn’t matter.” Hansley rolls us so he’s on top of me. His big body bears down, crushing me into the mattress. It’s one of the best feelings in the world and always leaves me breathless. “But I’m also convinced of one more very important thing.”
“What?” I ask, trying to keep myself from trying to get his underwear off.
“That you’ve been waiting for me to tear down your walls, Lemon Frost. You needed someone to show you that you’re lovable, even through your grump and anger and thorns. That someone was always going to be me.”
I swallow. “How do you know?”
“You can feel it just as much as I can, Frosty.” I roll my eyes at the nickname. He’s smirking, so I know he’s trying to lighten the mood so I don’t have to get emotional right now. But his smirk softens and he kisses me gently. Lingering. “I know because I’ve been waiting for you just as long as you’ve been waiting for me.”
CHAPTER 32
HANSLEY
We adjusted our plan for the barbeque competition. I had the teams on board for donating all proceeds to the football team, but when Lemon told me about his anonymous donation, I figured money wasn’t stressing him quite so much as it had been.
