That includes when you ask someone out and they tell you no. It’s the wrong message to send to any gender, but you alwayshear that persistence pays off. That applies to sports. Careers. Hobbies.
Not people. There’s a very big distinction. One I’ve only recently realized since reading that post. Now it’s saved on my phone so I can remind myself that I don’t always get what I want and demanding it isn’t how to make it happen.
This might be time for a learning experience. “Do you know what no means?” I ask.
His eyes shoot wide. “Yes, of course, Coach!”
“Does it mean that you can try again because you don’t agree with it?”
He shakes his head. “No, no.”
“Does it mean that you should keep trying to get a different answer because you want a different answer?”
Peyton’s shoulders stiffen. “No.”
“Does no mean maybe? Try again tomorrow? Next week? Ask in a different way? Ask until they finally give in just to make you stop?”
He winces, shaking his head.
“In the workplace, this is called harassment, Peyton.In life,it’s called harassment. You need to remind yourself what no means and accept that.”
This boy looks like he’s about to vomit. “I’m sorry!”
I lean across my desk and offer him my hand. Hesitantly, he places his in mine and I squeeze it gently while he looks at me, unsure.
“I know you don’t mean me harm and I understand what it feels like to have someone you’re attracted to tell you they’re not interested, Peyton. I’ve even done just what you’re doing.” His face scrunches as he hangs his head. But I grip his hand tighter, and he squeezes me back. “I’m flattered. I don’t think I can truly tell you how flattered I am. Though I get a lot of attention, it’s usually for not always the right reasons, so you make me feelseen and for that, I am very humbled. But this truly isn’t going to happen. I need you to accept that.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats.
“I believe you and I accept it. No more, okay?”
He nods aggressively. With another squeeze of his hand, I let him go. We sit in silence for a minute before he gets up looking like a beaten dog. Peyton pauses at the door and looks back at me. “I really am sorry,” he says. “I didn’t… realize…”
I nod. Default is to tell someone it’s okay when, really, it’s not. That’s not sending the right message. An apology doesn’t mean it’s okay. Even a sincere apology doesn’t. On some subconscious level, that’s sending the message that as long as you apologize, your actions will be forgiven.
The great Christian mantra that if you repent and ask forgiveness, your sins will be forgiven. Wipe your slate clean so you can begin again. Eye roll…
So I don’t tell him it’s okay. I just nod.
“I still think it’d be cool if you wanted to join our team,” he says. “Winston and Eli were excited when I suggested it too. If you’re comfortable. It’s definitely okay if you’re not.”
I offer him a smile. “Thank you. I’ll think about it. Let me know the deadline that you need to sign up and I’ll get an answer to you by then.”
Peyton nods. “Thanks, Coach.”
Alone in my office once again, I take a breath and close my eyes. My advances were much more… aggressive toward Declan. There was no way I had accepted his no. Not until he nearly had a breakdown and Zarek came at me with a pitchfork.
In hindsight, it was completely fair of Zarek. I can’t say I’d feel differently. Or act differently.
Picking up my phone, I flinch when I see a message alert from Hansley. Oh, god, he’s seen the disaster I left his office in.
Opening it, I read his message through my fingers.
Hansley Bardot
You’re the sweetest, most adorable man I’ve ever met. I’m going to kiss the fuck out of you later.
I grin stupidly because I can’t help it. While I’m relatively sure he’s just taking pity on me, I still can’t stop smiling.
