I huff. “Yes, well.” Giving in, I let the floodgates open and begin justramblingabout everything. Everything that’s happened. Everything I’ve said to him. Everything we’ve done—though, sans details. Sugarismy sister, even if she’s my bestie too.
“He’s been weird lately,” I admit,and I’m not sure what I did.“For a while, he was… different with me. Like, not so wary anymore. Confident and giving me these sexy little smiles. But now I haven’t seen him in, like, two weeks. We barely crosspaths. He’s hardly ever in his office. But we still talkall the timeonline. Sometimes he’ll go hours without answering, but then he’s back and it’s like those moments of silence didn’t happen. But, Sugar, I haven’tseenhim. I think he’s avoiding me.”
“You’re very personable,” she comments.
I glare. “Not helpful at all. You demanded I talk; now, I expect some decent sympathy and advice.”
Sugar sighs. “Lem, you said he’s married. Right?”
My stomach flips. “Yes.”
She gives me a look that I’m going to interpret that she hates Hansley too. Not disapproving in my direction.
I swallow.
“Lemon,he’s married.”
Huffing, I lean back and cross my arms. This is always how it goes. There’s someone else. I’m too loud. Or I’m too opinionated. I’m too feminine. I’m just too… much.
But more than not, they want someone else. They never want me.
For just a little while, it felt like Hansley had wanted me, though.
“I’m so tired of this,” I mutter.
“Obviously, I don’t know this man. I can’t say for sure what’s going on. But I imagine if he’s having an affair, it’s putting strain on his home life. If he’s appearing as stressed as you say he is and his season hasn’t even started yet… I would wager a guess that it’s personal stress.”
“How do you know his season hasn’t started yet?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
Sugar gives me a sly smile. “I follow the school hockey team’s socials.”
“Blasphemy!” I hiss. “We are a football family.”
“I watch the footy too!”
“Ugh! I disown you as my sister.”
Sugar laughs. She leans over and clasps my hand. “Seriously, though. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute and think about what’s going on in his life from his end. I know you’re hurt, but I bet that this is really, truly hard for him for so many reasons, Lem.”
I’ve never pretended not to be selfish and self-absorbed. Not to Saffron-level, but in my life outside my family, I’m the queen of self-importance. I learned early on that no one will put me on the pedestal I deserve, so if I want to be treated like a queen, I was going to have to make it happen all on my own.
I’m tired of being disappointed.
Now I feel foolish for not thinking about what’s going on with Hansley. I knew he was married when I kissed him that first time. I’d researched this man in an effort to know my enemy. So Iknewabout his wife.
That didn’t stop me. It didn’t stop him, either, but if I think about what it must feel like to be him right now, knowing that I’ve been cheating on my spouse? Yeah, that can’t feel good. And what is his home life like, facing her? Knowing that he’s had his dick down my throat and in my ass.
“That’s…”
“Yep,” Sugar says.
Now, I really don’t know how to feel, much less what to do about it.
CHAPTER 20
HANSLEY
Jessica came home yesterday. I spent the entire ten days she wasn’t here building my resolve to tell her the truth. To admit what I’ve been doing.
