“What’re you in the mood for?” He glances at the beer.
“It’s a little early for that, no?”
Alka laughs. “You brought it.”
“Water, please. I try to keep to water most of the day.”
He nods and hands me a bottle from the fridge. “You okay?”
I watch him as I swallow a couple large mouthfuls of water before pulling it down. “Yeah. Why?”
Alka shakes his head. “You’ve seemed a little off lately.”
I sigh. Love that everyone sees it. But I really don’t want to talk about my failure as a human being right now, so I shake my head. “I’ll be fine. I’ve made a mess of some things and just need to get it straightened out.”
His nod is slow as he watches me. Maybe puzzling out the meaning behind what I said. My life feels embarrassing right now. I don’t want to admit that I’m having an affair. I can’t. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
And yet, this is the longest I haven’t thought about Lemon since he first kissed me. But I know it’s not for a reason that’s commendable. I’ve been absorbed into Alka’s story. Into his life.
I’m a shit human. I don’t need Alka to agree with me to know that. Right now, I want to spend the day thinking about literally anything but that.
CHAPTER 19
LEMON
Five wins, two losses. That’s where we are right now. With only three games after this one, we’re really fucking close to making it into the division championship. So fucking close, I can taste it.
My gaze touches the clock. There’s eight minutes left in the game and down by three. But my quarterback is having a day. He can’t seem to get his head on straight.
The ball snaps and he’s tucked inside the pocket tightly as he shuffles and backs up. But one of their players slips through and Cody has to make a run for it. Running isn’t his biggest strength. His arm and accuracy are.
The other player grabs his hand and Cody nearly loses the ball. He chooses to go down, taking the ball with him, protecting it with his body. The whistle calls the end of the play. Now we’re fourth and eleven.
Fuck.
I call a timeout and my group comes off the field. Cody’s shoulders are drooped, his head hanging. I had reservations about putting him in tonight because I’d been seeing his mental state waver. There’s something not football related bothering him.
My team gathers in a tight circle to listen to me, but Cody’s eyes aren’t on me. “Cody.” He looks up and I can see how guilty he feels right now. “Come here.”
Taking a breath, he steps into the huddle a little more. I reach for him and pull him down so he’s closer to my height and wrap my arms around him. He’s shocked, still, but then his arms wrap tightly around me. So tightly that I think he’s going to bruise a rib.
Having more than a hundred kids means watching them all can become a little difficult. I try, though. I try to know each of them as individuals. It makes observing their mental changes easier when I know what their normal is.
Cody’s breath is shaky as I hold him. I think he only pulls back because our timeout is almost over. He reaches into his helmet and wipes his eyes. “Thanks, Coach,” he whispers
As he backs up, several of his teammates clap his back. I have a feeling many know what’s going on.
“Tell me if you need to sit out,” I say.
He shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “No. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”
“I understand you want to get your time in while you can, but it’s important to know your limits,” I tell him.
Cody gives me a smile. “Ineedto stay in.”
“I have an idea,” Peyton interjects. “A play that we’ve kind of been toying with.”
“You don’t think we should punt?” I ask, raising a brow.
