Sugar always joked that she was going to name her kids after dog breeds.Come here, Dalmatian. Shih Tzu, get off your brother. Pomeranian and Poodle, stop egging him on.
The hours we’ve spent laughing over this are far too much.
If Sugar was taking dog breeds, I was taking sea creatures. My favorites were Sea Cucumber, Sponge, Lobster, and Fish. As ridiculous and amusing as it was insulting. Those poor kids.
Steak even got on board and decided his kids were all going to be named after car parts. He was starting with Muffler and ending with Catalytic Converter. He considered hyphenating it so that everyone was aware it was indeed their first name. Personally, my favorite was Spark Plug.
Saffron was the wet napkin, though. She was having Sarah, Peter, Richard, and Mary. Everything as mundane as possible, which in its own way was still a rebellion from being named after food.
Sugar is the only one who has a kid, thus far. My niece’s name is Oria. But we call her Fish. Just for fun.
“I agree with Steak. That’s inconsiderate, though I’m not the least bit surprised,” I admit.
Last year, Steak was going to get married on November 10thto his longtime girlfriend, Becca. Becca died three weeks before their wedding date in a car accident. He’s doing better now, but he’s not the same kid he used to be.
“I agree,” Sugar says. “I kind of want to sit out in solidarity with Steak.”
“Is he not going?”
“He says he’s not. Which only upsets Mom because she wants to support Saff and make sure Saff has her special day, which means all of her kids should be there to support their sister.” I can hear her roll her eyes. It’s loud.
“And she sees nothing wrong with the date?”
“You know Mom. She’s neutral at best. Secretly, I think she agrees with Steak, but she’s not going to say anything to upset Saff.”
“Spoiled princess,” I mutter, shaking my head.
I know what people think about me. They think I’m spoiled. But seriously, who’s spoiling me? I’m single and have been for eons. Obviously there’s no one at home spoiling me. I have to spoil myself.
However, if anyone ever wants to see what spoiled looks like, I’ll present to them Saffron Frost. She is the poster child for spoiled.
“I’m not going,” I say, shrugging. “I haven’t even heard about it from Saffron yet and it’s less than two months away! What’s the big deal? Ohhhh. Is she preggo?”
“That’s what I think too!” Sugar exclaims. “I haven’t asked. I haven’t actually talked to Saff. Only Steak. But I asked him and he thinks so too. He’s also convinced that she chose the date on purpose.”
The sad part is, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if that was the case. Saffron is just that selfish and self-centered. November 10this always going to be a super sad day for Steak. Leave it to Saff to make that time of year all about her.
I pull into the parking lot and lean back when the car is in park as I watch other staff members pull in. “I’m going to call her kid Rung,” I say. “Just another rung on the ladder to her stealing as much attention as possible.”
Sugar cackles. “Ohmigod, please do! And don’t tell her, Lem. Let Saff drive herself crazy trying to figure it out and crying to Mom that you’re picking on her.”
“It’s all about her, after all,” I agree.
I’m distracted from my sister’s response when the sound of a motorcycle catches my attention. When it pulls into the staff parking lot, I sit up and watch, transfixed, as they park. The engine dies.
Pushing open the door, I stand so I can get an unobstructed look as they kick out the stand and rest the bike. They swing their leg over and unbuckle their helmet. Lifting it off their head and shaking out their hair, I’m immediately annoyed that this mystery person is Hansley.
I mean, of course it is. Of course he’s on my dream date vehicle. Ugh. Why does he have to be so fucking hot? I hate it so much.
He opens the saddle and pulls out his bag that he slings on his back. With his helmet under his arm, he turns for the arena. Grudgingly, I lean against my car to watch him.
Then there’s fucking Alka, waving at him, and Hansley alters his direction. I hate how he gives Alka a big smile. I’ve never seen that smile. Why won’t he smile at me like that? It’s bullshit.
As he gets closer to Alka, the more sour my stomach becomes. There’s a burning sensation in my chest and my stomach hardens. I’m clenching my teeth as I watch and little specs cloud my vision.
Before I know what I’m doing, I push off the car and slam the door shut. “Sugar, I’m going to have to call you back.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
