“This a prank?” Julian says, narrowing his eyes.
Etna looks at me again. “Repeating this is going to get exhausting.”
I smirk. “This is the last time. It’s no one else’s business.”
“Not to bethatperson and make the joke you’re probably going to hear a lot, but is someone pregnant?” Horny asks, smirking.
I huff and toss one of the throw pillows at him. He winks.
“Yes,” Etna deadpans. “I’m due in a week.”
“We’re getting married for different reasons than what’s become traditional,” I concede, “but we’re really happy about our decision.”
“What are the reasons?” Lo asks. “But so you know, I’m really happy for you.”
Etna sighs. “Thanks.”
“Oh definitely,” Hilt agrees. “Shocked and a little… confused, but most certainly happy for you. You know we’re just teasing when we call you an old married couple, right?”
Etna and I smile. “Yes,” Etna answers.
I appreciate that the response all around is support. And also completely understand the confusion.
“We were talking about different marriage practices recently and the movement in some Asian countries where people are marrying their friends for better compatibility reasons. Longevity and similarities in lifestyles. Wanting the same things and sharing the same morals and work ethics and whatever,” I explain. “The more we thought about it, the more it just… made sense for our situation.”
“As you just pointed out, you always teased us about being an old married couple,” Etna says. “The joke never bothered us. We found it funny and kind of agreed. We laughed about it on our own too. But you’re right. Wearelike a married couple. We see no reason to change that and, really, marrying each other just feels right. Like it’s the answer to a lot of questions we weren’t asking that’s been right in front of us the entire time.”
“That’s cool,” Lo says.
“I have to ask,” Horny says. “You know I have to.”
“This has to do with dick, doesn’t it?” Lo says.
Horny grins. “Yes. You know how dudes have sex, right? Or are you going to be one of those celibate couples? Ohhh,oorrrr,are you going to, like, swing and shit?”
Etna sighs. “We should have left you in the snowbank.”
Hilt hits Horny with a pillow.
“We’re aware,” I say, “and that’s all you need to know on the subject.”
“Yeah. Some things can be left private,” Lo says.
“There’s porn if you have questions,” Caulder points out. “It’s a bit unrealistic, but the mechanics are the same.”
“I know how it works. I’ve watched all kinds of porn. I’m just saying…”
“It’s none of your business,” Caulder, Julian, and Hilt say together.
Etna and I grin.
“All right. All right,” Horny gives in, raising his hands. “Sorry.”
Hilt sighs heavily. Like he’s disciplining his child who’s old enough to know better. “We’re happy for you,” Hilt promises. “Have you started planning?”
“Yes and no. We chose a date—June 28. We’re selling our houses and moving in together officially. We just spent Christmas together with our families to tell them. After the first of the year, we’re really going to be cracking down on plans. If we get grumpy in January, it’s because we’re up to our balls in wedding shit that we’re entirely unprepared for,” I say.
“Noted,” Hilt says.
