I turn to face him fully and pull him into my arms. I can hug him now, right? That’s allowed between fiancés. Keno’s holding his breath as his arms come awkwardly around me. We’ve hugged before, but it’s always been… quick. Bro-like. Usually after one of us spends a few days away with their family or something.
“This is a little…”
“Just hold through the awkward,” I say. “We’re going to force it to pass.”
Keno laughs quietly and that does the trick. I feel my shoulders relaxing and Keno leans a little more of his weight into me.
“You sure?” I ask.
He takes a breath. “I wasn’t ever unsure about marryingyou.I really admire the practice of marrying your best friend over fickle love. My concern is the obvious.”
“My dick.”
Keno snorts. “Yeah. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasnervous. Not that I was being dissuaded by your dick, but I still have the same concerns.”
“That we’re not going to like it.”
He nods. “Yes. Then what?”
“Do you trust me?”
Keno turns his face into my neck, and I feel him smile. “Yes, stupid head.”
“Then trust me when I say we will figure it out. We’ll have a happy sex life just as we already have a happy life.”
“That’s why I’m agreeing. I think we’ll figure it out.” Keno takes a step back and again, my heart does something I don’t expect when I see his cheeks are flushed. It skips around like we’re being electrocuted.
Is it just because we’re going to get married that my body is suddenly having reactions like this? Maybe it’s always been going on and I never realized it until now. I’m much more aware.
Leaning in, I press my mouth to his. Our noses collide like jousting sticks, making us laugh. Which means our teeth end up smacking together more than our lips do.
“Okay, so we need to work on that,” I say, backing away.
Keno rolls his eyes. “We’re probably putting too much pressure on the simple things. Far too aware of what we’re doing.”
“Probably.” I grab his arm and pull him to the peninsula counter to sit on the stools so we can talk about this comfortably.
“So, what do we do first?” Keno asks.
The enormity of this decision suddenly feels like a damn mountain, and I don’t see anywhere to begin scaling. “Uh…” Shaking the thought away, I say, “Let’s start with something that’s not everything all at once. So, you pick one thing you think we should do first, and I’ll pick one thing. Okay?”
Keno nods.
It’s a fine suggestion and all, but as I look around, my brain is completely blank. That’s not true, actually. It’s a whirling hurricane of thoughts and things we need to try. They’re spinning around in a cyclone until they’re all bleeding together into a gray mass.
But as I look around, what I think we should address first reveals itself to me everywhere I look. “Okay, I got mine.”
“Same.”
“You go first,” I say, looking back at Keno.
“I think we should get STI tested.”
“You been sneaking around fucking randos while I’m asleep?” I tease. I know how long this man has been hooking up with his hand. It’s been a long time.
Keno rolls his eyes, fighting a smile. “No, jackass. I just think… we should be clean going in.”
“So we don’t have to worry about condoms?”
