I swat his leg.
“But this is the reality of it. Not to get sappy or anything, but youaremy best friend and I love how we’re living our lives. Do you know what I dread the most?” I shake my head. “One of us being traded and we’ll lose this. I’ll lose you. You have no ideahow often I think about that—long before this marriage thing came up. It makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Yeah, I know. Me too. I dread the season right up until the trade deadline. Then I dread the end of the season when it opens back up. I don’t want to lose you either.”
Etna nods.
“That’s another conversation. Trades. How that would affect our… marriage. Fuck, that’s weird.”
He laughs and then rubs his hands over his face. “I know there are some big things we need to work out. Sex obviously being one of them. Neither of us would be happy with a celibate marriage.”
“We’re celibate enough the way it is,” I mutter. “Far more than we’d like to be.”
“I’ll be honest and tell you the primary reason I don’t put myself out there to find a girlfriend is because I don’t want someone to demand my attention. I like what we’re doing.”
I haven’t put much thought into why I haven’t. If I did, I would wager a guess it would be for a similar reason.
“The guys are right, aren’t they? We’re already practically married. We’re monogamous and not even putting out for one another.”
Etna laughs loudly. “Fuck’s sake, Keno.”
I grin, watching him laugh. Why does that sound make me feel all… happy and light? Has it always? Have I always loved his laughter? Is this just suggestive thinking now that we’re talking crazy and marriage and shit?
Etna continues, “Look, I think the things we’re maybe hesitant to talk about right now will get easier. I think we’ll grow into them. I think that our love will change too, and we could beinlove someday if we allow ourselves to be. If we open ourselves up to that possibility. The question is whether we’re willing to give it a chance.”
“Just so I’m clear, your thoughts on sex are we’ll figure it out together. Not that we’d pick up chicks and… whatever.”
“Yes,” he deadpans.
I chuckle at the look he’s giving me. “So you’re going to force me to live my lie as my truth after all, huh?”
“No. I’m not forcing you to do anything. But I would like you to agree. Willingly. Uh… wantingly. If that’s a word.”
“I don’t think it is, but I get what you’re saying. I’m not done with this sex conversation yet.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Who’s bottoming? Are we limiting what we do to certain acts? Are we cuddling? Which, yes, I know cuddling isn’t exclusively linked to sex. Are you super horny often or are we going to be, like, a one-night-a-week couple?”
Etna’s laughing again, which I appreciate. While I’m serious about my questions, I like that he’s not getting impatient.
“I don’t think we need to decide who’s bottoming. It’s not like who’s driving and only one person can.”
“Sure it is. You drive one way and I drive the other. We take turns, so maybe we’re not both driving at the same time, but we can both drive.”
“This is a weird analogy?—”
“That you started,” I interrupt.
“And you took too far, but it still works. There’s no reason we can’t see who… enjoys it more.”
“What if neither of us enjoy it?”
“My understanding is that our pleasure spot is in our asses. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the odds are at least one of us will.”
“Okay, so we’ll take turns.”
Etna shakes his head. I’m receiving that indulgent smile again. “We’re not scheduling our sex life. We’ll just see how it happens, Keno. See who’s in the mood when the mood strikes.Which brings us to another of your questions—how often? Again, we don’t need to decide that ahead of time.”
