The silence between the two of us is tangible. I canfeelit. I’m sure Etna can, too, if the way he steals glances in my direction in the same way I do his is anything to go by. The team sees it too. I can’t count how many times they’ve asked if something is wrong. It’s gotten to the point even Coach Merrill is watching us more closely.
Which means we need to talk.
When I get out of the shower, Etna is already lying on the bed with the remote in hand, pointed at the television, though it’s on the same show it was when I went into the bathroom. I climb onto the bed and lay on my stomach facing him. “Okay, we need to talk about this.”
I’m waiting for him to say,talk about what?He doesn’t. We both know what I’m referring to.
“For the record, I was joking,” I say.
“Yeah, I figured that out.”
I’m not sure why, but his words make me flinch and I immediately want to take them back. “I’m not…” Taking a breath, I try again. “How would this work?”
He raises an eyebrow. “I think the most basic way is to go to the courthouse and have the justice of the peace perform it with a couple of witnesses.”
I snort. “Not what I meant. I mean…This. Us.”
“I don’t see how it’s all that different from what we’re already doing. Do you?”
No. He’s entirely correct.
“I think there are other things to think about than the… Well, the legality of it. Obviously, wecanget married. It’s even legal in Arizona, so we wouldn’t have to go anywhere to do it. But… like… do you love me?”
My skin burns just asking this question. I feel like I’m six and asking Jeannie Hartman if she’ll be my girlfriend on the playground while I hang upside down from the monkey bars. Hell, even my stomach flips as if I’m upside down.
“Of course I do. You’re my best friend.”
“I realize this is a little contradictory to what I pointed out during our conversation in Vegas, but is that enough? Is that the kind of love you’re supposed to share with your spouse?”
“You’re right. That’s entirely contradictory,” Etna says, laughing. “But wasn’t that your point?” He sits up and folds his legs under him to face me. “We know we’re compatible on a personal level. That we can cohabitate because we’ve also basically been doing that for the past year. We’re equals as far as pay goes and financial responsibility—which is to say we could totally do better.”
“Definitely,” I agree. Not saying we waste money, but we totally waste money.
“The biggest aspects most people don’t consider when they choose to get married, we’re already miles ahead. We work together. I think you can agree on that.”
Fucker is going to make me say it. “I know,” I agree.“Butyouknow those aren’t the parts I’m talking about.”
“I’m going to argue that they’re the more important aspects. Especially if we’re talking about the kind of marriage you brought up.”
“Etna—”
“You need to talk about sex, huh?”
“I realize I put on a gay front with the world, but I’m not actually gay. And neither are you. So… what’s your plan there?”
“I happen to know there are tons of guys in the world who identify as straight and enjoy butt play.”
I’m so surprised by his answer, I burst out laughing. “You don’t say. Are you one of them?”
“I could be.” He sniffs. “I’ve never tried.”
“You’re saying you’re open to trying.”
Etna sighs. “I’m saying that everyone likes to say they’re married to their best friend. I’m arguing we can make that happen for real. Not a spouse who you fall in love with, marry, and suddenly your relationship with them trumps all others. I don’t intend to lose my identity by becoming someone’s spouse. I’m fully capable of having my own friends and own hobbies.”
“Like you do now,” I tease.
“I’m talking in a different situation, but… sure.”
