“Meh. I prefer this than to have him forced into every aspect of my life.”
“Are you close with your parents?”
I shrug. “Not in a… I’m not sure how to say it. Not in a voluntary way, I guess. Obligatory, really. We talk often, but that’s because I feel like I have to call them a lot or they get all hurt and whatever.”
“Huh. Does your brother have kids? Married? What does he do?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “No kids to my knowledge. And I don’tthinkhe has a girlfriend right now but again, I haven’t talked to him in months. I’m not sure we exchanged more than two words during Thanksgiving.”
“Yep, still think that’s sad.”
We’re quiet for a minute. In the silence, I’m far more aware of the way he’s rubbing my dick. Stroking and squeezing. Tracing the shape, the length, the veins. Weighing my balls in his hands. Pressing the tip of his finger to my slit.
“I told my parents about you,” Hugo says after a minute.
My head is swimming with arousal now, so it takes me a minute to process what he said. “Oh?”
Hugo nods. “Yeah. Mom was a little… quiet but Dad was excited.”
My heart races. “She’s not happy that you have a boyfriend?”
He laughs quietly, turning his face into my chest. “Mom takes some time to get used to change. She doesn’t easily go with the flow. By the next time we talk—on Christmas—she’ll be happy.”
“You sound so sure.”
“I am. I know my mom. I’ve never said anything about anyone to her and suddenly, I have aboyfriend. I imagine it’s a little jarring.”
I sigh. “I hope one day there won’t be reactions like that. It shouldn’t matter.”
Hugo nods. “Yep. I think there’s always going to be ugliness in the world, though. And we’re very prone to outside influences, whether we realize it or not. I hope it does change, but I won’t be surprised if it doesn’t.”
“I think you went with the change relatively smoothly.”
“Yeah, but I think I’m just indifferent to who a person loves. And maybe I was predisposed to what a change looks like because of Atty. I saw it unfold in front of me. And when he was ready, he let me ask a lot of questions. Probably, because of Atty, I had a better idea of what love means and what it should look like and how it shouldn’t matter what’s in the pants of the person you love.”
“I take it back. I think you’re just as good about learning from new relationships as you are those you’ve been around your entire life.”
Hugo shifts onto his elbow to look down at me with a big smile. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen what love looks like my entire life. A part of me knew my brother never loved any of his wives and that my sister loves too… trustingly. My parents love each other unwaveringly. I see Egon’s love and Rake’s love and while they love each other, their loves are very different. Just as deep, but different. The same can be said for all my friends. And yet, it always felt abstract and… unobtainable to me. I was disinterested at best. Not disbelieving that it existed but just… disinterested.”
“You’re talking in past tense. Does that mean it changed?”
Hugo’s hand cups my groin in such a way that my eyelids flutterand I groan, my body arching slightly at his touch. “Everything about you has sparked a change in me, Torin,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to mine. “I’mexcitedto spend my life with you.”
My heart nearly bursts from my chest. Even though he’s rubbing me with purpose now, I force my eyes open so I can look into his.
“I’m excited for everything between us. Nothing feels blasé, or like I just don’t care. It didn’t just happen overnight, but I can actuallyfeelit building a little more every day. It’s such a surreal experience. You’re not changing things about me, but making me understand myself in a different way. Everything I didn’t think could shift, is moving and… I feel like I’m an earthquake. I’m not even sure what I’m saying.”
I laugh breathlessly.
“But I don’t mean this to sound like maybe you fixed something inside me. You didn’t make a change. You just touched something and brought that dormant piece of me to life. Itisme. It feels natural. Not sudden but… a slow progression, you know? Does that make sense?”
Gripping his hair, I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him fiercely. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Hugo.”
“I think I’m trying to explain it to myself as much as I am you.”
“I really think you need to look up demisexual and demiromantic. Not because I think you need a label, but I think it’ll help you put into words what you’re trying to say. You’re avoiding words like ‘fix’ and ‘change’ because you know there’s nothing wrong with you—you’re not broken so there’s nothing to fix—and I’m not a cause for sudden change. All those words are triggers for a lot of people on the ace and aro spectrums because it’s a common nasty label society uses for those who feel differently about sex or romantic relationships than what the world calls ‘normal’ and ‘healthy.’”
“Winny is aro and ace. I’ve asked him a lot of questions over the years and I don’t feel the same way as he’s ever described.”
