“Yes!”
“Are you familiar with the terms asexual and aromantic?”
Excitement makes me blurt, “Yes! Winny is both.”
“Do you know what they mean?”
“Yes. You don’t like sex or… romance.”
He chuckles. “Kind of, yeah. But it’s not black and white. It’s not that you don’t like sex or you do. Or that you don’t feel romantic attraction or you do. There’s a whole spectrum and a whole lot of different kinds of asexual and aromantic people. Maybe what you’re describing is more along the lines of demiromantic and demisexual, meaning your feelings about sex and romance—and I’m using romance as a generic term to encompass things like emotions and stuff that go with a romantic relationship—are fluid and can change depending on who you’re with at the time.”
“So… a soulmate.”
Torin grins. “Sure. An individual person may connect with you in a specific way which allows you to feel things in a way you might not have before. Kind of like a dimmer switch. Maybe that switch is always off, but a few people manage to move it just a little. A taste of what it feels like to become emotionally close to someone or sexually attracted to them. And maybe you connect with someone who allows you to move that dimmer to the other side completely, so it’s on. But it’s not a one and done thing. At least, it doesn’t haveto be and I’d go so far as to say it isn’t usually. You can feel that way about many people over your lifetime. Or maybe just one or two people.”
I sigh. “I really like that answer. I didn’t know I could be words like that.”
“Demi?”
I nod. “Yeah. I kind of thought my ambivalence to sex was fueled by my fear of pregnancy.”
Torin chuckles. “Maybe. But it comes down to the women you brought home. Tell me about that.”
“You want me to tell you about my hookups?”
He’s grinning again. “Not details, Hugo. Just… did you enjoy it? Were you into it?”
“I was just thinking about that. A lot of the time, I liked the idea of hooking up more than the act. There were times I wasn’t into it at all, so I was solely focused on her pleasure. I think that happened more than I’ve been willing to admit to myself.”
“It’s not shameful.”
“I know. I guess… I guess I’ve been kind of ambivalent about everything having to do with another person outside of my friends. Thinking back on our discussions about marriage… does it make sense now? Do I fit the definition of demi-things?”
“Yes. From what you’ve told me, it does. Just so we’re clear, there’s no pressure to be into anything with me.”
I turn and bring his body to mine, making sure he feels how my dick is hard for him. “You’re not listening, Torin. Everything is different with you. Maybe because we were friends first and I didn’t feel like you were just another person looking for a piece of me. Maybe because I was lonely and wanted a friend who wasn’t already married or whatever. But it’s all different with you. It has been from the beginning. I’ve never wanted to be touched like I have with you. I realize that sounds sexual but I mean.” Pausing for a minute, I stare into his eyes. “Cuddling. I crave your arms around me all the time.”
It feels whiny when I get those words out.
Torin smiles. “Me too.”
“So is that it? I’m demi, double demi?”
“I can’t tell you that. You need to make that decision foryourself. What I am telling you is you seem to fit into that definition. But Hugo, you don’tneedto define yourself with labels. You are who you are and that’s completely okay.”
“I don’t need a label. I don’t even really care why it’s different. It’s just that I was thinking about how different it is and how much more enjoyable life is with you.”
“So much better,” he agrees, voice quiet.
“I even like that you’re roughly the same height as me. When I press my forehead to yours, I don’t have to bend my body awkwardly to do so. I say this as if I’ve been affectionate with other people before. Is it weird if I tell you the thought of bending awkwardly was one of the turn offs about getting involved with someone?”
Torin chuckles. “No, Hugo. It’s not weird if that’s how you feel. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.”
Sighing, I close my eyes and just breathe him in. He smells like shampoo and body wash. There’s a soft note to it. Not quite floral but… herbal maybe. His hands drop from my back to my ass, where he digs his fingers into my ass cheeks.
I grin. “You like my butt, huh?”
“I’ve never considered myself an ass man, but walking out of the bathroom and seeing your ass… Yeah, I’m into it.”
