I nod.
“You’re not a girl at all. You never corrected me when I said something about her. Uh… you.”
I shake my head. “I was afraid that if I told you who I was, you’d stop talking to me.”
Hugo sighs.
Sucking in a deep breath, I decide that if I’m going to get my truth out, it’s going to have to be right this very second. Closing my eyes, I blurt, “I’ve had a crush on you for a while.”
I don’t dare look at him. I can’t bring myself to, though I know I need to. Oh god. Oh my god!
“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks.
“Because you like girls,” I answer, feeling my cheeks heat at how lame that sounds.
Hugo’s fingers on my face makes me jump and my eyes open. There’s no amusement on his face. I’m surprised I don’t see confusion either. “Yeah, I like girls. But maybe I also like a boy.”
Just like that? That’s all it takes for him to…?
“You do?”
His smile makes my stomach flutter. “Yeah. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while. Weeks, at least. I’m very aware you’re a guy,Torin.” He glances down my body and my face burns when his eyes meet mine again. “I’ve felt you pressed against me.”
“Ohmigod,” I mutter, covering my face with my hands.
“I’ve also gotten off with you in the shower.”
“Hugo,” I hiss, peeking between my fingers at whoever might be around to overhear us.
“The internet has mixed information. I guess it’s pretty normal for teenagers to compare dick size and masturbate together as they go through puberty and explore their sexuality or whatever. But friends cuddling isn’t normal. I can’t find a clear answer about whether it’s normal to get hard when you hug your friends. That information isn’t easy to find. I’m going to have to resort to polling my friends.”
I cringe. “Hugo!”
He grins. His hand is still resting gently against my very hot skin right now so his thumb brushes my cheekbone. The way he’s looking at me has my heart racing. I swear, it’s only the two of us at this moment. The restaurant and everyone in it has faded away.
“I’m just saying—I’m aware you’re a dude. I’m not all that bothered by it.”
It can’t be that easy. Nothing is ever that easy. Dreams just don’t come true like this. I was the cliché gay guy in love with a straight man, but those fantasies rarely come true. I’m still asleep. That’s what’s going on right now. It has to be.
“What’re you thinking?” Hugo asks. “You look sad and scared all at the same time.”
I sigh, shaking my head. “I’m having a hard time convincing myself this is real. That’s all.”
I’m surprised when his mouth captures mine again. A shiver races down my spine, then his hand finds mine and he places it on his chest. I can feel his heart beating through his shirt. The warmth of his skin seeps through the fabric.
“All real,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Promise.”
My breath is stuttering as I inhale. “Okay,” I whisper. “You’re really not mad at me?”
Hugo shakes his head. “I’m relieved. I’ve been really conflicted about this for the last week and even more so as soon after I suggested we have a date. A part of me felt like I was cheating onyou when I asked for a date with this… girl.” He flashes me a blinding smile. “It felt like I was choosing the wrong person just because she was a girl. I’m so fucking happy she turned out to be you, Torin.”
I’m not an overly sappy individual, but the way my eyes get watery is becoming all too familiar. “I wanted to tell you so many times,” I admit. “But I’ve never had a friend and I love our friendship, so I was even more scared about how you’d feel once you saw I was me and not a girl at all. I swear, I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
“I know,” Hugo says. “I’m not always very smart, so there’s a chance I wouldn’t have caught a lie anyway.”
Frowning, I shake my head. “You’re plenty smart. Don’t say that.”
Hugo shrugs. He faces forward in the booth, but scoots closer so he’s pressed against my side. “I guess I don’t necessarily think I’m dumb. Just… I can’t always get words out without them making me sound like an idiot. It makes everyone else think I’m stupid, which makes me feel dumb. I try to remember Winny’s words—think before you speak. And Noah always says that I need to slow down. It’s not just thinking before I speak, but slowing down enough to get my thoughts in order before I just blurt things.”
