We spend a lot of time talking about lots of things. I love it. I look forward to it. Even better, I think he texts me first as often as I text him first.
Once I’ve finally gathered the pucks and pushed the bucket to the chute door and into the equipment room, I’ve stalled long enough. I have nothing to do in my office because of the string of away games and I’m going to be lonely, so I pull my hoodie and hat off to toss on the back of my chair. Shutting off my light and closing the door, I head for the back exit.
I’m surprised to find Hugo standing just inside. My feet drag for a minute as I stare at him. He’s looking out the window. Not sure if he wants to be alone, I slowly approach until I’m standing next to him.
His teammates—a couple of his friends—are heading toward their cars. Otherwise, I don’t see anything. But Hugo’s eyebrows are knit together and he’s not smiling.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He looks at me and though he immediately smiles, it’s not filled with his usual exuberance. “Yeah.”
“You’re not going with your friends?”
Hugo sighs. “Sometimes, I don’t want to be the extra wheel. They’re all in relationships now. Even Winny. So it’s just me sitting by myself awkwardly.”
I glance at the trio of girls outside. I’m not sure that Hugo’s ever been an extra wheel. He always has a girl with them. While I think I’m going to regret this, I say, “There are girls right there that would be your… wheel.”
He grins. For real this time. My cheeks burn, but I appreciate that I made him smile.
“Yes. I don’t mean like… physically? I just mean…” he trails off as he glances at the girls. “It’s not the same, you know? Yeah, I can grab any girl and join them. Or no girl and join them. But it’s not the same because they love their partners. And me?” Hugo shakes his head. “I’m just messing around.”
“Do you want a partner?” I ask.Pick me, pick me!
Hugo shrugs. “Dunno. I guess I just don’t want to feel extra and out of place. It’s not anything they’re doing. Definitely not intentionally. They’re all really good people. With Winny now having a girlfriend, it’s just become very obvious that I’m not the same as them. More so than normal.”
I’m at a very big disadvantage here. I’m twenty-four with no friends to speak of. I didn’t have friends in school and I sure as hell haven’t been able to make any in adulthood. Aside from the online people, I have zero experience talking about feelings and shit.
So I’m not at all sure what I’m supposed to say right now. What does he need from me?
“I think you’re better than they are,” I blurt, and then wince. “Not that I think they’re bad!”
He looks at me and my face burns. Oh, fuck.
“I just mean… You don’t have to be the same as them to be just as… good?”
I love Hugo’s smile. It’s all very real now. Big and beaming as he looks at me. Fuck, he’s gorgeous. Staring at me like that. My heart thunders in my chest so hard I’m confident he can hear it.
“Thanks, Torin.”
I nod awkwardly and stare out the window.
“Hey, what’re you up to now?”
“Just heading home.” Where I have less of a chance of making a fool of myself!
“Want to hang out?” Hugo asks. My stomach jumps so abruptly that I think it’s going to turn itself inside out. “You can come over and we can play video games or… something.”
Yes! Yes, I want that so fucking much. But I’m awkward as hell and this is going to get uncomfortable for him.
Still, I can’t make myself say no. I don’t want to say no. And helooksexcited and hopeful.
So I nod. “Yes.”
His smile is a beacon of brightness. “Awesome. Do you have Spectrum? The messenger part of the app?” Hugo pulls out his phone as I nod. “I’ll message you my address. T O R I N…” I watch as he looks me up. “What’s your last name? I feel stupid. I should know this.”
Shaking my head, I tell him, “Jonah. I don’t wear it on the back of my shirt.”
Hugo laughs. I try not to smile in return. “Ha! Found you.” He turns his phone toward me and I nod at my little icon. Thankfully, it’s just a picture of me looking awkward as hell standing in front of my mother’s sun-yellow wall.
