“Thanks. I will cherish it.”
I roll my eyes, but my smile won’t be discouraged. Hugo takes my backpack and slings it on his shoulder before picking up his gym bag. He offers me his hand.
I’ve told him time and time again, I can carry my own bag, but he’s not having it. I don’t think he was big on letting me carry my own shit before the accident though, I can’t remember that specific detail. But since, I haven’t carried anything heavier than a glass of water. Even then, I rarely carry it.
I argue that I need to work on my strength. He argues that’s what I’m doing with Egon in the gym. He’s not wrong, I suppose.
I flip the light off and shut the door behind us. On the way down the hall, Egon pops into Coach’s office. “We’re heading to my place.”
Coach smiles and inclines his head in acknowledgement. It’s 50/50 if he comes over. If we’re at Atty’s house, he’ll almost always hang out with us. But if we go to someone else’s house, he’s only there about half the time.
We’ve been splitting whose house we go to. One week will be Atty’s, then Hugo’s, then Winny’s, then Noah’s. This week is Egon’s. Then we’ll go back to Atty’s. I’m not sure why we’ve made the change, but I don’t hate it. We’ve talked about going to my apartment because everyone would like to see the fish, but I’m not sure eight big men, plus me and Dana, would fit in my little studio.
The air is nice. It’s still winter, technically, but it’s already starting to warm up with highs in the sixties. Not that it usually gets below mid-sixties during the day no matter the time of year.
“Meet you there,” Egon calls as he veers off toward his car. He waves the seal in the air with a big smile.
“Rake’s going to be jealous,” Hugo says. “I think he’s going to be cuddling that seal instead of his husband.”
“Maybe I should have given him one of the big seals.”
Hugo’s smile is always so big and bright; it’s something I love about him. He kisses the side of my head as we stop at his car. He tosses our bags into the trunk before opening my door for me.
I haven’t gotten a new car yet, so Hugo drives me everywhere I need to go. He promises that we’ll get me a new car soon, but I don’t think he’s in a hurry to give me a means to be away from him. I’m not even sad about it. I love spending every minute I have with my boyfriend.
We went to the junkyard where my car was the week after I was discharged from the hospital to look for my phone and whatever else I might have had in there. But I didn’t go inside to see my car. I’d already been talking to the therapist and she told me that some things can be trigger objects and can unlock specific memories.
I was afraid seeing my car would trigger my memory of the accident and I didn’t want to remember that. When Hugo came back looking like a ghost with all the color drained from his face, Idecided I made the right decision. I heard him tell my mom later that he was surprised I survived.
Chills race across my body every time I remember the day we visited the junkyard and I imagine my mangled car… I could have died.
Everyone says the accident wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t even following too closely. But I was going sixty-eight on the highway—as one does—when the tractor trailer truck, hit by a drunk driver, jackknifed in front of me and I couldn’t stop in time to prevent myself from running into it.
The doctor says that if I’d hit it head on, I probably would have died. But because I’d tried to avoid the collision and jerked my steering wheel, which made my car spin and I slammed into the truck—still moving as the laws of nature says it must until it meets enough friction to stop, by the way—sideways. On my driver’s side.
There’s speculation that if I’d hit on the passenger side, I might have suffered less trauma. I wish I could say why I spun to the right instead of the left. But since I don’t remember the accident, I don’t have an answer. I don’t even have any guesses. Instinct, I suppose.
But yeah, I’m not in a hurry to drive again. I think mostly it’s because of fear. Maybe getting behind the wheel of a vehicle will also trigger the memory of the accident. Maybe I’ll panic if I have to drive somewhere. Who knows, my fear of getting in another accident could become too much and Iwillget in an accident.
Nope. I’d rather stay beside Hugo where I can turn my face into his shoulder when something outside the car makes me nervous.
As I knew he would, once we’re on the road, Hugo asks, “You sure you’re up to going?”
I smile and grip his hand. “Yes.”
It’s not just my anxiety that he’s mindful of now. It’s literally everything. Some people might be annoyed, but I know his concern is out of love for me, so it doesn’t bother me as it might others. I love how he checks in all the time. I’ve never experienced this level of care from anyone in my life. Maybe that’s why it feels different for me.
We pull into the driveway right behind Egon. Noah’s and Winny’s cars are already here. Hugo puts us in park and shuts offthe engine. He kisses the back of my hand before letting it go. I think I have the sweetest man alive.
Hugo meets me around my side of the car. As soon as my feet are on the ground, he has me against his chest. I smile, hiding it in his neck. “I’m really fine,” I assure him.
“I know. I need a hug.”
I tighten my hold on him. I don’t want him to live his life in a constant state of worry for me, but I’m not sure how to alleviate that fear. It will fade in time, I hope.
“No headaches, right?”
“None.”
