Max is content to talk about Ezlo as long as people continue asking questions. And they do. All the players in the seats around us are turned to face him, and everyone wants to know about his baby.
I’ve never had the occasion to speak to Max much. My knowledge of Max Latham has been from afar. His wild days and then disappearance followed by his abrupt change the summer the St. Andrew’s Cross video leaked. As I watch him now, all I see is a proud father. He clearly adores his child and is content to sit there and brag about a two-month-old instead of the incredible win he took an hour ago.
My gaze drifts up to Caulder and lazily, I wonder if that’s the kind of father he’ll be, too. I may not know him well, but I think I know enough about his character to confidently confirm that yes, that’s the exact kind of father Caulder would be.
I’m still lazily musing over this when we get back to the hotel. We have almost no luggage and yet, this feels like the slow funneling off an airplane as I wait toward the back. I stare out the window, not seeing Caulder.
Once again, I muse about how ridiculous I’m being. It’s not like he won’t come back to the room at some point. I could just wait there.
By the time I step off the bus, he’s obviously already inside. I follow the other hockey players through the front doors and pause when I see Ethan and his husbands. Ethan’s head is tipped slightly back, his eyes closed, a happy smile on his face. Jakub’s lips are pressed to his forehead. Creed’s are against his jaw.
I’m unfamiliar with the longing that settles in my chest. There’s never been a drive in me to settle down. I’ve never given the idea of having a serious partner or marriage or relationship of any kind much thought. There’s plenty of time for that.
Looking at them, I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to step into the hotel lobby after a day of competing to someone waiting for me. Proud of me. Ready to wrap me in their arms and tell me how amazing I did, even if I sucked.
Ethan didn’t suck. I’m not saying that. But I imagine even if Max scored dead last in points, Deryke would have told him how proud they were of him. Creed and Jakub would too.
I’m jostled and shift to find Mattias frowning at me. “You don’t hate on gay men,” he grumbles. “They kiss if want to.”
The shock of his words makes me stare at him. How was I looking at them? My eyes flicker to them again, none of which are looking this way, thankfully.
Then Caulder is there, gently pushing Mattias back. “He’s not hating on them,” Caulder says, laughing. “Boy is jealous. Look at them—who wouldn’t want to be loved like that?”
Mattias looks at the trio and nods. “I do,” he agrees, nodding. He gives me another glare and turns for the elevator. “Meet in twenty minutes, yeah?”
“We’ll be down here,” Caulder says.
Mattias nods again while walking away, and Caulder looks at me with amusement. “Why were you glaring?”
“I wasn’t. Not intentionally anyway.”
“You were definitely staring. Why?”
I give him a bemused look. “YouknowI’m not homophobic, Caulder,” I deadpan. There’s silent laughter in his eyes. “Actually, it was more along the lines of what you said. I was caught wondering what it would be like to walk into the lobby and into the arms of someone who loves me.”
Caulder glances their way and nods.
“You going out?” I ask.
He sighs. “Yeah for a while. We haven’t seen Mattias much since he was traded, so we’re going out. Probably with Noah and Max and… their Gays Can Play crew.”
“You join them often?” I ask, raising a brow.
Caulder grins. “No. But I think tonight we’re just going out as a big group instead of splitting into their smaller group and everyone else.”
I nod, staring at him. Willing him to stay here with me instead.
“Want to come with us?” he asks instead.
What I want is to go upstairs. Drag this man with me. I want to fuck him.
There’s no way he doesn’t know this. Caulder takes a step closer to me. “I’m not going to stay long. Come with me.”
I shiver at his words. “Yeah, fine.”
He shifts his position so he’s standing beside me and shoves his hands into his pockets. We wait quietly, not talking, for the next twenty minutes as the guys we’re meeting join us. There are a few wives and girlfriends too. I wonder what the hotel did with that information when some of these people who they were trying to make share a room showed up with families in tow.
What a fuckshow.
