Lo laughs, his mouth covering mine. “You’re not even thirty, Haines.”
“No, but I need more than ten minutes. Sorry to disappoint.”
His smile is sweeter than sexy this time. He presses his mouth to mine in a slow, deep kiss, and then says, “You’re the furthest thing from a disappointment, Caulder. The furthest fucking thing.”
This time when my cheeks heat, it’s not from embarrassment. It’s because that’s so damn sweet. It makes mefeel… like I need to catch my breath. He stares into my eyes, his hands moving down my body to wrap around me and pull me from the wall. Pressing me firmly against him.
God, I feel like a sap the way this position makes me feel all warm and my chest tight. I’ve never been held by anyone. How could I be? I’ve never been touched at all.
Giving into the temptation, I rest my forehead to his and wrap my arms around him. Closing my eyes, I give him some of my weight.
Lo hums. “Definitely not a disappointment,” he murmurs.
We don’t move for quite some time. My hands move over his back when I press my face into his neck and shoulder. Just feeling him. Touching him. Learning his body.
He does the same, and I think a part of me melts into him. Molds to his body. This isn’t sexual at all, which I’m not sure was part of the arrangement. But this feels almost better.
Fighting words, right? What’s better than an orgasm?
I’ll tell you what. Nice words. To feel like you’re seen and wanted. Protected, with your secrets safe. To be held like the other person is just as enchanted with you as you are with them.
The orgasms are fantastic. I definitely want more. I have no doubt we’re going to have a lot more. But moments like these right here, when offered, I’m going to soak them up while I can. Who knows when I’ll have the opportunity for another. There are likely very few Los in the world. Few men who share my specific predicament.
I need to stock up on this feeling. On this glimpse into what I have to look forward to later. Much later. Down the road when I retire and finally allow myself tobemyself. To be gay for the world to see. To meet a man and fall in love.
But for now, I’m going to enjoy as much of this as I possibly can. Everything Lo offers, I’m going to take.
CHAPTER 8
LO
I stopCaulder after he undoes the locks but before he pulls the door open, bringing him back and pressing him against the wall with my hands on his chest so I can kiss him again. He smiles against my mouth, but it quickly dissolves when I kiss him deeply. He moans quietly into my mouth.
Pressing my body against his, I drag my hands down his chest to his stomach before wrapping them around his waist. He’s more confident in kissing me now. Maybe accepting that I’m going to keep his secret so he can let go with me. After all, we both have secrets that we’ve shared now. And we’re not children.
After a few minutes, he gently pushes me off him. “We need to get downstairs,” he says as I drop my mouth to his neck. He angles his face up, letting me have my fill even as he protests. I smile when one of his hands tangles in my hair. “Really, Lo. We need to…”
I sigh. “Yeah, we do,” I agree, though I don’t stop kissing and licking his neck. He shivers so deliciously.
Reluctantly, I force my mouth off his and look at his face. He’s fucking sexy. Eyes half closed, lips parted and a little swollen, panting lightly. This is the look they should put on billboards. The world would buy whatever it is he’s selling.
However, he’s right. I’m hungry, and if I want to eat before we need to head to the arena, we should go downstairs. Still, I’m not in a hurry to get off him. After all, if we walk out of here looking like we were making out, there are going to be questions.
Knowing I have him to come back to tonight is going to make the day very,verylong.
Eventually, we release each other and straighten our appearances again. Caulder opens the door and looks at me. I swear there’s a little bit of a challenge there. Which is a mistake because I’ll bring him back to bed right now.
He gives me a grin as he steps into the hall, as if he knows what I’m thinking. I will happily wipe that grin off his face later.
I fall into step beside him, letting our door close loudly behind us. He takes half a step sideways as we move to the elevator.
Caulder really is cute. When we’re alone, he doesn’t think much about how close he is to me or how he looks at me. Whether he’s touching me or not. Not after last night. But once we leave the room, I can almost visibly see how everything he does is calculated. Maybe I see it now because I know he’s gay and hiding it.
He walks beside me down the hall, but keeps exactly enough distance between us so our hands won’t brush. When I step closer, he recreates the space. I try this twice and he does so both times. We step into the elevator and it’s the same.
However, as I study him, I think maybe it’s not consciously intentional. It’s something he does out of habit. Caulder always creates just enough space between him and everyone else that’s comfortable, but not obvious that he’s doing so. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if last night didn’t happen.
If someone ever did point it out, he could easily say he’s recreating his personal boundaries. He’s not exaggerating the space between him and someone else. It’s not like in high schoolwhere stupid kids are allew cootiesand try to put a room between you. It’s subtle, but he keeps that bubble intact.
