“You said you wanted one or two,” I remind him. “We had this conversation.”
“I did. You’re right. But my life won’t be lacking without one. We can have fur babies. You cool with that?”
“I am, but Lo?—”
He presses a finger over my mouth. “We don’t need to decide this right now. This is something we have years and years to talk about. We aren’t on a deadline.”
“But it’s important. It’s a big part of having a life together. This isn’t the same as picking out paint colors or what brand of milk to buy. If we don’t want the samebigthings, then it couldbe disastrous and lead to resentment and I don’t want to live through that. I don’t want to live through losing you.”
“Listen to me,” Lo says. “Do you know how many times I’ve fallen in love with you?”
My breath catches and I shake my head.
“Already too many to count. But I think the first time was when you trusted me with the secret you hadn’t told a soul; the words you’d never spoken out loud. Then you took on Azure during the games as if you were giving Max the best chance he had to win, knowing that Azure is a fucking beast—I fell in love with you again. As much as I really wanted you to sue this girl—and I’m really fucking relieved that you did—the fact that all you wanted was for her to go away made me fall in love with you once more. You didn’t want to punish her. Do you know how selfless that is? She caused you a month of misery. It affected your health, physically and mentally. And all you wanted was for the truth to be out there and for her to let it go and go away.”
“I still want that,” I point out. “I don’t know if that’s a reason to fall in love with me.”
“I don’t need it to be a reason you understand. I’m just telling you that I fell in love with you as if for the first time all over again. I fell in love with you when you told me that you weren’t going to settle for a love less than that of your parents. I fell in love with you when you slammed Menlo Dexter into the boards and skated away as if it were just another Tuesday.”
I laugh, but there’s no mistaking how teary I am now.
“I fall in love with you every day, Caulder. At least once. I’m going to spend my life with you. I want you far more than I want anything else. Do you understand?”
There’s no fighting the tear that finally falls. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Good. Now understand we’re different people and we’re going to want different things from time to time. Nothing at allis worth losing sleep over. We’ll discuss it and come up with a compromise we’re both happy with.”
“But you can’t compromise on something like a kid,” I argue.
He sighs and presses soft kiss after kiss against my lips until I’m smiling. “I need you to trust me when I tell you it’s not a deal breaker for me. Okay?”
I sigh. “Yeah.”
“Good. The only other thing I need you to know right now is that I had to reschedule some legs of our trips. We’re going to Greenland as planned, but then we’re going to head to Arizona for a week to pack my house before putting it on the market. I only have personal effects, so it won’t take long. I bought it furnished, so the furniture stays. Then we’re going to fly to Toronto to look for a house in the southernmost part of the city, the closest to you I can get. Hopefully, within a few months, houses will be sold and bought, and we can stop in Toronto again in August and unpack.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to be so close,” I say.
“I told my agent that I only wanted to entertain an offer somewhere on the East Coast. I didn’t care where. Nashville and north were preferable, but Toronto is almost too perfect.”
“I didn’t know you did all that.”
Lo shrugs. “Obviously we have no control over trades, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to make it known that I wanted to go east.”
Pulling my head back so I can look at him, I spend the next several minutes just staring into his eyes. All the things he said. The way he makes me feel. Can this really be real? Can I truly have found a love so perfect on my first try?
“What’re you thinking?” Lo asks, his fingers feathering over my jaw.
“That you can’t truly be real. Aren’t I supposed to have my heart broken at least once? Am I supposed to marry the firstperson I have sex with? Aren’t I supposed to want to fuck around or something?”
He laughs. “Do you want to fuck around?”
“No!” I insist. “But that’s the point. Shouldn’t Iwantto?”
“Well, we can role play. Then you can fuck the nerd or the biker or some pretty little lace baby, just to say you have.”
I laugh, shaking my head.
“There’s no rule that says you need to have your heart broken before you find the love you’re going to grow old with, babe,” Lo says. “I’m going to protect your heart and never let it break. Never let it bruise or chip or stop.”
