CHAPTER 1
CAULDER HAINES
Creed takesa seat next to me and drops a paper bag in my lap. It’s bigger than I expected.
“Take the burger out before the chocolate melts,” he tells me, reaching into his own bag.
Clicking off my phone, I pocket it and open the bag. He didn’t just bring back lunch, but now I have a bunch of snacks too. “We’re only flying to Florida,” I tease with a grin as I reach for the burger. “It’s a two-hour flight.”
Creed shrugs, his eyes rising as he watches Ethan and Jakub walking our way. I watch them too as I dig into my burger. Ethan always has a smile. Big, happy, ready for anything. Jakub is quieter, more reserved—another Daddy Lucien on the team. Though not to the same capacity. He’s happy to be there for whoever needs something, but his primary focus is always on Ethan and Creed.
Both men’s attention was on each other as they walked closer, but I witness the moment they both spot Creed. Their smiles change into something that’s just for Creed. I know they are because I’ve watched these three closely since barging in on them over break three years ago.
The way they look at each other is sick. It makes my stomach roll.
But not because I hate romance or love or gay men. Because I’m lonely. I’ve spent a very long time alone and dedicatedallof my energy to hockey.
Glancing at Creed, I wonder if my single-minded focus on hockey’s been worth the tradeoff. There’s no mistaking the love in his eyes when he looks at either man. I’ve seen this since he was drafted, and it’s grown visibly for years. I saw the same in Ethan. It’s been like watching a live-action Hallmark movie unfold right in front of me.
The thing is, I’ve been around couples my entire life. College was filled with couples and hookup culture. Since I’ve been in the NHL, I’ve seen my teammates and their families, most notably Lucien Medcalf and his wife, and how they take care of all of us. They’re good people, and their love is deep. It’s the kind that everyone can feel and wraps around those close by.
There’s just something about seeing it on Creed, Ethan, and Jakub that makes my stomach twist with longing. Not for any of them. I adore them all—Creed’s my best friend, after all—but their particular brand of love is the kind I dream about.
It’s one of those loves that even the media has fallen in love with. Of course, there are still the polyamory haters and the bigots, but hockey’s sweethearts have now expanded to the three of them. It’s surreal and beautiful.
Not that I want a relationship in the spotlight. Which is part of the reason I’ve remained single and uninterested my entire life. The only focus I want on me is for my hockey career. Or other career related affairs, like my charity work or modeling.
Speaking of modeling. I pull out my phone to give myself a reason to look away from the sappy scene in front of me as Ethan and Jakub join us on Creed’s other side. Logging into my email,I quickly delete all the spam shit until I find a new message from Rigo, my agent at Pride Sports.
I tease him that I should get a commission for all the clients I send his way, so I’m not surprised that the opening line is“Your incentive is getting the right of first refusal with this new line.”I grin, but my stomach flips when I see it’s a Pride line. It’s not that I’m against supporting the LGBTQIA+ community. I’m not. Like at all.
But I’ve been very careful to keep a specific amount of distance between me and that community, so I won’t face accusations. I want it clear that I support them, but that I’m not a part of them.
Not because I secretly don’t support them, but am doing so visibly for my career because Iama part of them and the only person who knows that is me. The idea of coming out to anyone makes me sick to my stomach. Despite the shit that Ethan, Creed, and Jakub went through a few years ago, the world is a much better place for us now.
And it’s constantly getting better too. Thanks to this new generation who will not be content to sit in silence in the closet—unseen and unheard—there’s a movement that’s getting bigger and bigger to accept everyone the way they are. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to agree with it. Just turn the fuck around because it doesn’t concern you.
That’s not the generation I’m in, though. It’s the generation I’m watching with awe. I overheard a conversation at the store the other day between a parent and their kid—eleven, twelve maybe—as they talked about gender. When it came to the point in the conversation where the mom asked what gender they are, the kid looked at her amused and said, “Pfft. Gender doesn’t mean anything to me.”
The mom, slightly baffled, just went with it.
Twenty years ago, the world was a very different place. I keep hoping more people are like the mom and kid in the future. Where things like that don’t matter. When who you are as a person is what matters.
However, that doesn’t change my comfort level about the entire thing. I’m left alone as I am now. Cowardice, privilege, whatever—I don’t want to change that. I want to play hockey and when I’m done and have faded into history,thenI’ll find a partner.
Hopefully.
Someone who looks at me the way Ethan, Creed, and Jakub look at each other. Say what you want, but I don’t believe for a second that you can fake that kind of love. Not all the time without slipping up.
“Now boarding Flight A135 to Miami. Now boarding Flight A135 to Miami. We will begin with those who need extra assistance and families with children under two. You may now board.”
I stuff my burger wrapper into the bag and get to my feet with the Bozik household. Yes, we call them the Boziks. I’m not sure why, but I think we all feel that it’s Jakub who’s in charge and takes care of shit.
We hover where we are until the call for priority boarding is announced and make our way through the line. One of my favorite things about this phase of my life is the upgrade in seating. I’m not a huge guy, but whoever thought such little leg space was healthy should be stuffed into a coach seat for three or more hours. Nope. I will only ever fly business or first class. Call me snobby or stuck up if you like; comfort is important.
Besides, I can guarantee that no matter who sits next to me, my seat is my own. There is no invasion of personal space. No touching strangers. It’s worth every damn penny.
I have the window seat with Creed beside me. Across the aisle are Jakub and Ethan. As the plane continues to board, I watch the people working on the tarmac. Driving around in different vehicles, de-icing planes, and loading luggage.
