Minutes pass. Maybe a lot of minutes. I don’t hear Ren come in but his hand on me startles me enough that I nearly lunge to my feet.
“Shh,” he soothes, pressing his hand to my cheek and then sinking his fingers into my hair. “It’s okay.”
It’s not though. They’re still there. Just outside the door.
Ren steps between my legs and pulls my face to his stomach, his arms wrap around my head. “It’s all right, Fel. I promise, it’s okay now.”
He holds me like that for a long time. It takes me what feels like days to stop shaking. When I finally do, Ren bends down to kiss me lightly. “Go take a shower. I’ll join you in a few minutes.”
I nod and get up feeling rather numb. I move around in a slight daze, trying my best not to break down into tears. My hands move on autopilot as I strip from my clothes and step into the shower. It’s only because he’s told me what to do that I keep moving, as if his instructions are what enables me to act. The slap of icy water when I turn the shower on has me gasping, but it slowly warms up as I lower myself to the tile and let it wash over me.
I’m still sitting like that when Ren joins me a while later. I’m rather impressed that the water hasn’t turned cold yet. He’s already naked when he comes into the bathroom and somehow, we manage to fit inside the shower together.
He kneels in front of me and pulls me into him, wrapping me in his arms so I can curl into his body.
“He’s being removed from the hotel,” Ren whispers. “Coach is making sure he also has no access to the game tomorrow, or any Winnipeg games, home or away, moving forward.”
I wince.
Ren pulls up my face until I look into his eyes. I hate what he probably sees in me. Thankfully, the water falling on us disguises my tears. Probably.
“Listen to me, Felton.” I take a deep breath. “You’re not what he says you are, or what he’s made you believe about yourself. You know the truth.”
“How do you know he’s not right?” I whisper.
“He’s a very miserable, awful man,” Ren says. “I can guarantee if I ask literally anyone else what they think about you, not a single person would come close to listing even one of the things your father’s called you or said about you.”
“If they’re not true, then why does he say them?”
Ren shakes his head as his fingers move gently over my face. “I’m not going to try to guess. Some people shouldn’t be parents. Yours are among them. Given just the little bit I’ve seen and heard of them, I’m so very proud of the person you’ve become in spite of the situation you grew up in and continue to live through.”
I shake my head and lower my eyes, but Ren pulls my attention back to him.
“You’re strong and kind and thoughtful. Fel, you’re incredibly hard-working and talented. You’re a wonderful friend, and have done some amazing things that you should be proud of, Felton. And you’ve done them without their help or support.”
“Why did they have to come here?” I ask, my eyes stinging. I’m shaking again, but I can at least pretend I’m cold now.
Ren shakes his head, pulling me into him again so I can lose myself in his embrace. “It won’t happen again, Felton. I promise.”
I want to ask how he can promise such a thing, but I don’t. I want to believe him.
“When we get out of the shower, you’re going to give me your phone. I’m going to keep it for the remainder of this trip. And when we get home, we’re getting you a new number.”
There’s no question. He doesn’t ask if I’m okay with that. He doesn’t ask if I understand. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath as I nod.
Ren’s going to make everything go away. He’s going to protect me. He can do whatever the fuck he wants as long as he keeps holding me like this.
THIRTY-ONE
REN
At the endof the second period against Colorado, we’re down 6-1. I know Felton isn’t doing well right now. I can see it in his face. His attention keeps moving to the audience as if he’s waiting to see his parents there. Scowling at him. Spreading their negativity and hate.
He drops onto the bench when we file into the locker room for intermission and while I’ve made sure we exercise a bit of space between us around the team, I don’t think I can maintain that right now. Felton needs me.
I look at Coach Shively as he steps into the locker room. He meets my eyes and for a minute, we stare at each other.
While Felton was in the shower last night, I had a conversation with our coach. I knew Felton was going to be a wreck today. I explained more of the situation than I probably should have without Felton’s permission, but I needed Coach most of all to understand Felton’s mental state induced by his parents because Iknewit was going to affect his game tonight. Something he’s fought against his entire life, and he’s finally reached a full breaking point.
