“Depending on the dose, I could succumb to anaphylaxis.”
A shiver races through me. “What do I do if that happens?”
Ren smiles. Beside my leg, he opens a drawer and pulls out a box. Inside is an EpiPen, which he pulls out and shows me. “The thigh is best.” He touches my leg. “With no clothing in the way if possible. Press it here until this piece is flush and then push the top. A needle will inject the medicine.”
He hands me the EpiPen. I’ve never held one before so I take a minute to examine it.
“There’s one beside my bed, one in the kitchen, and one in my gym bag. Coach also has one, as well as the medics that travel with us.”
“This is as terrifying as it is fascinating,” I say.
He smiles and replaces it back in the box and then in the drawer. “Penicillin allergies are common enough that it’s easily avoidable these days. Finish getting ready for bed, okay? I’ll bring you in a change of clothes. Drop your dirty ones in the basket.”
I nod.
Ren leaves but sets a pair of underwear on the counter a minute later. “Get into bed when you’re done. I’m going to grab a couple bottles of water.”
Sometimes, I used to imagine what it would be like to not have to think about anything. Especially when you’re with someone new, you don’t want to presume even the small things.Like maybe it’s insulting if I get into bed without him telling me it’s time.
This takes the guesswork out. I don’t have to question what he expects or wants from me. I can just do it. Knowing that makes everything else around those decisions easier. More enjoyable. I swear, I can think clearly.
When I climb into bed, a yawn overtakes me. But I don’t sleep yet. Not until Ren is in bed too. I need to see him before I close my eyes. Just to remind myself that I’m really here. He’s really here. And he wants me.
TWENTY-FIVE
REN
It isn’tuntil my parents walk in and look at Felton that I realize that maybe I might have unintentionally misled them about what I meant when I said I had a friend staying here over break. They were surprised, especially when it became clear we’re not just friends, even though I introduced him as such.
I only did so because we haven’t talked about our relationship in greater detail yet. Hell, we’ve barely touched on the fact that I want him as my own. Felton’s lived a life of hurt and self-deprecation. There’s no doubt in my mind that he needs me to spell it all out for him. Since we’ve onlyjustgotten to the point I made it clear that I’m into him, pushing the relationship talk seems a little fast.
However, I know I need to make my intentions clear to my family.
The view on homosexuality in China is ambivalent at best. It’s the old ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy that most of the countryofficiallylean toward. What’s strange about it is that three-quarters of the population practice what we call Chinese folk religion, which is a broad mix of Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism. Buddhism and Taoism are not in the leastbit homophobic. In fact, they lean more toward celibacy than marriage and procreation.
Confucianism, on the other hand, explicitly prohibits same-sex marriage. In all honestly, treatment of LGBTQ people in Chinese history has been ugly as far back as the Moghul Empire when voluntary homosexual acts were punishable by death.
It’s made anyone who isn’t heteronormative very… miserable.
I’ve never had to think about it much. My family sent me away in my teens when I wanted to get more serious about hockey. So, most of my life has been focused on hockey. Hook up culture being as big as it is these days defined any kind of relationship I found myself in.
Which is fine, I guess. It’s only in recent years when I started group activities with Zenia, Denny, Carson, and Kroy that I truly began to enjoy it. Looking back, I wonder if it’s their presence that made it more enjoyable. The femboy we fucked? Yeah, it was really, really good.
Still, I never thought anything of it. It was a fluke. It happened, but we never went out of our way to repeat it. I’m not sure I ever thought about a man until Felton.
If I’m honest, I’m only slightly concerned about what my parents might think. When I realized I might have misconstrued Felton’s role in my life, I did other things to make it clear what it was without saying so. I didn’t want to put Felton on the spot since he’s already so nervous and self-conscious.
My parents are good parents, though. I’m quite confident that even if they don’t agree with my choice that they’ll support me and treat Felton with respect. After all, I’m not in China. And if it’s not safe there for me and my male partner to be together, then I’ll stay here. Or we’ll go somewhere safer.
Not that I’m getting ahead of myself.
As if they expected me, I find my family sitting at the counter drinking tea. Jin’s watching me over the rim of his cup, but I don’t miss the smile as he slides me a cup when I join them.
“I didn’t intentionally leave out details,” I start, and because it’s easier to have a conversation with my parents in their native language, I switch to Mandarin. “It’s very new and… Felton’s been going through some really hard times right now. I didn’t think to… uh, share, I guess.”
“Is he okay?” my mom asks, and I smile because her first concern is Felton.
“He’s… trying. He has a really shitty family.” When my father gives me a disapproving look, I shake my head. “No, bà ba. I swear to you, you’d be horrified by the way they treat him. How they speak to him.”
