“How did you?—”
“It’s all over,” Dad says. “And it sounds like lies. You need to end it and apologize. Give them whatever they want.”
I don’t answer. The sick feeling in my gut climbs, making me taste bile.
“When does your break start?” Dad asks.
We have ten days off for the holiday. It’s unusual that we have so long off but I’m not questioning it. “Last game is the nineteenth,” I whisper.
“Good. I expect you here the day after. Arrange your flight. You’re staying until the new year as you should. A good son spends holidays with his family.”
The sick feeling inside me coils. I can’t spend ten days with my family! I’d rather be buried alive. I’d rather jump from my bedroom window and hope I break every bone in my body. Being in the hospital—or even the morgue—will be less miserable than being there!
The phone is suddenly gone. In a daze I look down, expecting to see that I’ve dropped it in my lap. But the only thing there is my abandoned controller.
It takes me several moments to blink through the dark haze that’s settled around me and recognize my living room. Ren has my phone. I register what I’m seeing just as he blocks the number before tossing it back on the table and turning to me.
I need the numbness back. I need to live in that again so his words don’t hurt so much. Being bare like this is too hard. It makes me think of really dark things.
But with the way Ren’s looking at me… like he’s concerned and like I matter… I don’t have the strength to bring the numbness back around me where it belongs. Like a comfortable blanket.
His hand raises and I flinch as if he’s going to slap me. A flash of my father’s hand and the echo of the sting blinds me for aminute, but Ren’s touch is gentle, and I suck in a breath, shoving every past moment far away.
He brings me to him, and I have no shame right now as I practically climb into his lap and curl up. I suppose I’ve managed to reclaim a little of the numbness because I’m not crying right now. I’m panting as if I have been unable to catch my breath.
Ren’s fingers are soothing through my hair. Minutes go by before he says, “What happened, Fel?”
“That’s a new number,” I murmur. “I’ve never seen it before.”
He nods but doesn’t respond.
“He… says I have to come home for my entire break.” My voice cracks while I say the words. Tears sting my eyes.
His arms tighten around me. “What do you want to do?”
Literally anything else. I think being skinned alive or having nails shoved into my eyeballs would be less painful.
Then I feel guilty. You shouldn’t think that about your family. They’re your family. They’re my parents. They love me.
They do love me, right?
“You’re not going,” Ren says. “You’ll stay here for break.”
I chew the inside of my lip as a whole new set of fears and loneliness settle over me. “Alone?” I whisper. Surely being with my family is better than being alone. Isn’t it?
“No. With me and my family.”
Relief washes through me and I swear, I sink into Ren a little more. Being alone never truly bothered me in the past, but I’d never felt alone before either. It’s loud now. Echoing. Yelling in my head.
But now I don’t have to spend days agonizing over whether the right thing is to be a dutiful son and spend my holiday miserable with my family because it’s the right thing to do or not. Ren’s taken that weight from me before it’s truly had a chance to claw its way inside and infect me.
Already, I can breathe a bit easier.
We remain like that for a long time as I slowly shed the dread and hurt from the phone call.
“No more answering unknown numbers,” Ren instructs.
“What if it’s the lawyer?” I ask.
