“How about we set you up with a messaging app on there so the team and management can get in touch with you. And we’ll make sure everyone knows to email you any kind of important communication. But that means you need to be checking your email regularly.”
He nods.
“Easier still, we can block your parents’ numbers.”
“Can’t they see that?”
“Kind of. It’ll just go to voicemail.”
He winces.
“I think there’s a feature where you can turn voicemail off. But even with your phone dead, their calls are going straight to voicemail.”
“But I can’t see that when my phone is dead.”
“I’ll tell you what—when you’re done, you can go back to bed if you want to and we’ll talk about it later. No need to concern yourself now. All you need to do is concentrate on your mental health so you’re ready for tonight’s game.”
Felton nods. I don’t want him to feel like I’m only concerned with his performance tonight—honestly, hockey isn’t a concern at all. But we’re all in the same boat. We compete for our positions. We can’t just take mental health days when we’re not feeling like coming in.
He doesn’t need to be worrying about his job right now.
SIXTEEN
FELTON
This room is really quiet.I miss the sweet melodies of my wind chimes; yet, I don’t want to go home. It’s comfortable here and I’m not alone.
More importantly, Ren doesn’t look at me like I’m a fuckup. I’m pretty sure I see concern on his face.
He tucks me back into bed after I eat. Literally tucks me in. I’m not sure anyone has ever tucked me in. Ren pushes the edges of the blanket all around my body, cocooning me into them. It’s almost like having arms around me.
I didn’t realize I’ve been craving that kind of comfort, but I’m suddenly starved for affection. Not that I say this. I don’t want to push it. Ren is being super kind and accommodating. I’m not sure I’ve earned this much kindness. Not just from Ren, but from anyone.
The house is silent. I don’t even hear him moving around once I’m laying down. I’m not always a fan of that much silence because it means that the voices in my head can get really loud and consuming. That’s what the wind chimes are for. Their soft, soothing melody overrides the noise.
Except that I’m not alone right now. Ren sits on the edge of the bed, his fingers moving through my hair as I slowly drift off to sleep. There are questions on the tip of my tongue.
Why are you being so nice to me?
Can you tell me how to behave so I don’t fuck up so much that you’ll give up on me?
Will you cuddle me again?
Words don’t leave me, though. I’m not sure whether I’m too afraid to say them or too tired. Maybe both. Between physical exhaustion of being fucked so thoroughly, then travel; mental exhaustion leading up to and then dealing with my father, the sleepless night filled with travel again… it’s not long before I’m fast asleep once more.
I dream. We’re dancing, but the movement is too smooth to be on our feet. As if I’m watching myself through a camera, it pans out and I can see that we’re on the ice. That’s why there’s such fluid gliding in our movements.
There’s a combination of wind chimes and instruments, lending us a background of hypnotic notes that our feet move to. I look serene. Happy.
I’m alone and yet it feels like there’s someone there with me. There’s a distinct ‘we’ presence, but visually, I’m alone. My stance, the way I move and how my arms are holding air, suggests that I definitely have a partner. Though I can’t see anything but a shadow of their feet moving with mine.
It’s not an unpleasant dream. In fact, it’s one of the most comforting dreams I’ve had in a long time. If ever.
When I wake up next, there are remnants of the dream hanging around. I can hear the gentle tune whispering in my ears. The soft touch of the air moving against me as I fly across the ice. It fades as I gain more conscious thought until the only thing that remains is the gentle touch on my cheeks.
Opening my eyes, I find Ren sitting there watching me. His fingers move over my cheekbone. I’m not sure if he moved at all while I slept. Maybe I only slept for a minute. Maybe I didn’t sleep at all.
“Hi,” I whisper.
